


if you were born with the weakness to fall (you were born with the strength to rise)

by commandmetobewell



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood, F/F, F/M, Humor, Injury, Major Character Injury, Mental Health Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rosa & Amy Are Foster Siblings, U.S. Navy SEALs, also gina doesn't have her baby, backstories for amy and rosa are different but everyone else is the same, doesn't really follow the main plot but has mentions of it, past Rosa/Alicia bc i ship them hard as hell too, time jumps and then stabilizes towards season 5's plot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-06 21:12:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 43,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14656341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/commandmetobewell/pseuds/commandmetobewell
Summary: Rosa and Amy grew up together in foster care, until one day Amy got adopted and Rosa didn't. They start their new lives, but never seem to forget each other along the way.It isn't until years later that they reunite in the eclectic bullpen of Brooklyn's 99th Precinct.





	1. Prologue [Part 1: A Deal With the Devil]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rosa, from the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed to, I'm sorry. Just an FYI, the first two chapters are angstiest out of the whole thing. I actually want to make this one somewhat light, but it will still carry some seriousness to it. 
> 
> I just finished season five and I HAD to, okay??? I am having such a hard time shipping Dialetti when ALICIA EXISTS. I love that bitch to death and Rosa better be dating the fuck outta her next season (props to NBC for picking it up and please please please let Rosa keep Alicia thanks).
> 
> Anyways so I still don't know if this ends with Alicia or Gina, but we will find out!!!
> 
> Also this is mostly Rosa and Amy centric, so the ships are Rosa/Gina and Amy/Jake equally. The latter are literally the only mainstream heterosexual couple I actually ship besides Ben/Leslie and Jim/Pam bc Peraltigo is literally the relationship I want to have someday and Jake is my boy.

Rosa is moved between four homes until she is transferred to a group home outside of Brooklyn.

"She's a handful," her not-so-inclined caseworker scoffs to the woman in charge of the group home. His hand is like a claw upon her shoulder, clenching and unclenching as to remind her that she's not going anywhere, anytime soon. The woman has eagle-eyes, peering down at her with a judgemental haze and a curl of her lips as she gives Rosa a once-over like a piece of meat.

"Very well," she says as she extends her hand, "it's nice to meet you, Rosalina."

"Rosa," the seven-year-old growls with spite, choosing to cross her arms instead of shaking the outstretched hand. "Never Rosalina," Rosa corrects with a snort. "That's a stupid name… for dumb-dumbs. And I'm not a dumb-dumb, lady."

"Rosa," her caseworker seethes, "we discussed this."

"She's mouthy," the woman says again with another sneer. "But I assure you, we'll fix that right up."

Rosa stifles the wince when the caseworker claws into her shoulder again before shoving her forward. He gives her the bag of belongings--a raggedy trash bag filled with clothes and various mementos of her birth family--before he steps back and nods. He spares the woman in charge a dip of his head before he turns on his heel and walks out the door and towards his car.

"Welcome Rosa, to Hofford's Home for Girls," the woman says as she takes Rosa's hand in a vice grip. "Let me introduce you to the girls." Rosa is about to argue again, but when the woman's nails prickle into her wrist, she decides to keep her mouth shut.

And just like that, Rosa is paraded into the living room, where a gaggle of prepubescent girls all stand, gawking at her.

"Look at her hair," one whispers to the girl beside her, "it's like a crow's nest."

"She smells like a sewer."

"Why does she look like a knock-off Cabbage Patch Doll?"

"Girls," the woman chirps, getting the girls to hush into a well-practiced silence. "This is Rosalina--"

"I told you, lady, it's just Rosa," the seven-year-old quips with a snort. "I don't want to be called Rosalina."

" _Rosa_  Diaz," the woman growls, squeezing Rosa's wrist just that much tighter. "She will be living here with us indefinitely."

"Great," one of the girls chirps, a lanky thirteen-year-old with dark hair and a menacing glare. "Another street stray?"

"Jaime," the woman interrupts. "That is no way to treat a guest."

"She's not a guest though," the girl beside her snarks. "She's a nobody, just like the rest of us."

"I'm not a nobody," Rosa snarls, ready to retaliate, but the woman keeps her grip firm. "I'll show you what a nobody looks like!"

"That is enough. During Rosa's stay, you are to treat her like another member of this household. Should I see any of you violating the rules, you will be adequately punished." The woman lays down the law with a firm jut of her chin and a piercing glare at the girls. No one decides to argue back, so she continues with the introduction. "Rosa, this is Jaime, Penelope, Maria, and Veronica. They are your housemates and you are to treat them respect, and they are to do the same with you. Your name will be added to the chore calendar on the fridge and you will be placed in the nearby school for your education. If you have any problems, you will come to be, do you understand?" Rosa glares up at the woman, noting the look of no-nonsense in her gaze with a defeated nod.

"Fine," she rumbles as she shrugs her hand out of the woman's grip. "Where's my room?"

The woman peers at her once more before grunting and nodding towards the gangly thirteen-year-old with contempt. "Jaime will set you up in your room. It may have an empty bunk, but we are awaiting another transfer so don't get comfortable on your own."

"Trust me," Rosa snaps as Jaime crosses her arms and looks her up and down, "I won't."

"Very well, then. Welcome to the house, Ms. Diaz. I'm Ms. Miriam and I will be your group home coordinator."

* * *

A few weeks into living in the house, Rosa's "roommate" arrives. 

She's five-and-a-half, so only two years younger than Rosa, but she's everything that the house is not.

Amy Santiago is an innocent girl. Her mother died young, and she had no siblings or anything to her name but a frayed red knitted sweater and a pair of thick-framed glasses sitting upon her nose. Ms. Miriam says that Amy's father was never notified, but it was unclear if her father was ever present during Amy's life. She's shy and quiet, quick to cling to Ms. Miriam's side and cower in the sight of the older, intimidating girls. She whimpers when footsteps charge into the living room and bares her neck when Jaime snickers in her direction. She clutches to Ms. Miriam, even when the woman tries to use her leg to shoo her away.

"Stop," Rosa calls out before she even notices her own voice. "Don't touch her like that."

Ms. Miriam's brows perk in surprise, and they should, because Rosa's kept her nose to the ground ever since moving in. Even when she'd been heckled by the other girls, she never really caused a scene. But now, with Amy looking up, puffy-eyed and lip trembling, Rosa has never felt more protective over anything in her entire life. She takes a brave few steps forward and stands in front of the younger girl with her chest puffed out and her hand extended, like a lifeline. Amy looks between her hand and Rosa's impassive gaze, before nodding her head upwards to gauge Ms. Miriam's reaction. The older woman only snorts, snickering.

"Don't be soft, Amy. Your family is gone. This is the house and these are your housemates…"

But Rosa's not listening to the prattle Ms. Miriam rattles off, because her gaze is glued to Amy's own. As Ms. Miriam finishes up with the introductions and the girls are done with their hushed whispers, Amy finally reaches out, clasping her hand with Rosa's own. Rosa looks to the tiny palm clutching her own and she squeezes it gently, rousing a small but timid smile out of the girl.

And it is in that moment--as Amy giggles and releases her hold on Ms. Miriam's leg--Rosa accepts that she has a sister.

* * * 

The group home is chaotic, with girls coming and leaving, but Rosa, Amy, and Jaime are regular members.

Jaime is almost sixteen, leaving her more capable of producing more harm than good. Most of it is directed towards Rosa, mostly out of protecting Amy. Ms. Miriam's grown more cold over the years, less tolerating of the misbehaviours (though it's understandable, considering Jaime's been in juvie more times than she can count). She turns a blind eye to Rosa's black eyes and bruised ribs, and neglects the barely-stifled limps and hushed whimpers coming from the ten-year-old's bedroom.

Rosa doesn't care, though. She will take the pain if it means seeing Amy smile or hearing her laugh. It's part way through taking Amy to and from their elementary school that she realizes that Amy has potential to be adopted, that she is smart and sweet and kind and considerate, and that if anyone was looking for a model child, Amy would be them. It sinks like a dagger into Rosa's chest, cracking open her ribs and stealing the breath from her lungs, but it is a good kind of pain. It's a kind of pain that makes her realize that she can help give Amy the world that she has spent her entire life dreaming of: a world with a family, a wholesome, loving family, complete with a dad who will tousle your hair and a mother who will dote on you constantly.

It's something Rosa knows she will never have for herself.

Rosa's been a problematic child since she was younger--since having been given up at the tender age of two, abandoned on a catholic church porch step in the pouring rain--she has never known the comfort of a family. She is known for her violence and rude attitude, for her brash and harsh acting out and her abnormal levels of defiance. But deep down, Rosa doesn't want to be doing the things she does. She doesn't want to punch Jaime in the face for calling Amy a nobody, nor does she want to go to jail for shoplifting those pens that Amy loves so much, but she can't help herself. She's impulsive and daring, and nothing stops her.

Nothing stops her… except Amy.

"Just because they don't understand you doesn't mean that I don't," Amy whispers to her in the middle of the night while pressing a pack of frozen peas to Rosa's bruised lip. They're both under a sheet-fort they'd crafted between their two bunkbeds, lit by a dim flashlight taped to Amy's shoulder that she usually uses for some late-night reading when Ms. Miriam is done with her routine bunk checks. Amy removes the peas to inspect her work and smiles when she sees that the swelling has reduced significantly. She puts the sack aside before taking Rosa's hands in her own and squeezes them gently, offering her a small smile.

"But you know…," Amy trails off with a sigh and a shrug of her shoulders, "you don't have to be mad all the time." Rosa winces at the words, knowing that they are too soft, too unrealistic, and she wants to tell Amy that she's too young or too naive, but Rosa knows that is not true. Amy skipped the second grade and she's been seen by multiple families that are wanting to adopt her. 

"I know," Rosa bitterly replies instead, hanging her head in shame. "But when they make fun of you, I just…"

"You're just protective," Amy says with a gentle smile, before she frowns. "I just wish you wouldn't fight people for me, Rosie."

Rosa takes a deep breath and looks up, her heart clenching at the sight of the frown on the younger girl's lips. She attempts at a flimsy smile and reaches upwards to stroke Amy's cheek with her thumb in soothing strokes, before letting out a soft chuckle.

"I'm your big sis, Ames. It's my job to fight people for you."

And while she knows that deep down Amy wants to say something, it brings Rosa the utmost joy when Amy giggles and wraps her arms over her neck. She winds her own arms around Amy's waist and smiles when Amy's face buries itself in her curly hair. It hurts her lip but it's worth it, especially when she feels Amy's own smile against her shoulder. 

Rosa would fight the world for Amy's happiness and her safety, even if it costs her own.

* * * 

"You did what?!"

A fifteen-year-old Rosa sits with her wrists bound in cuffs, rolling her eyes at her newest case-worker, James. 

"They were making fun of me, so I beat them up. I don't know what you want from me."

"Their parents want to press charges of assault against their daughters," James growls as he paces back and forth in front of her like a prowling lion. "I don't understand… you are a ballerina, not  _Million Dollar Baby_." Rosa arches her brow in confusion, lost in the reference. James just waves her off and continues to pace back and forth. Rosa will admit, as she watches him rubbing his head in confusion, that James is the first decent case-worker she's received. Usually the other social workers are about the pay check (or what little pay check they receive), but James is the first one she's had that has shown genuine interest in her wellbeing.

"Look, kid, I know that you haven't had the best run, but up until now you haven't had a criminal record. I'll see if I can work something out with the detective in charge of your case, maybe get you off with a warning and some community service," James sighs as he finishes pacing and gives her one if his 'I'm disappointed in you but I will do my best to help you' looks.

"Thanks," Rosa says as she shrugs her shoulders, "but you don't have to. It's not like they'd ever side with me, anyways. They're a bunch of rich white kids and I'm a Latina stray from the system. I don't have a lot of sway in places like this, you know that right?"

James turns to her then, kneeling so that they're eye-level. There's a new look in his eye, one of determination and undertones of what Rosa can only imagine is sympathy. She hates both, but just as she is about to open her mouth, James clears his throat.

"Rosa," he starts, his voice serious but gentle. "Listen. Life dealt you a bad hand, and you haven't had the chance to get a good foot set in this world. It's put a target on you that is unnecessary, but it happened. But that doesn't mean that you aren't worth anything, alright? You are a talented dancer, and I am sure that you had good reason for beating those girls up, but that doesn't mean that it was the right solution to your problem. You're rash, defensive, and jumpy, but that's not on you, that's on the system. No child should have to be hyperaware of their surroundings and be forced to put on a tough face to survive. It's not right."

Rosa refuses to acknowledge the burning of tears in her eyes or the catching feeling in her throat as James reaches out and squeezes her wrist in solidarity. He stands back up and pats her shoulder, offering her a kind smile and a nod. "We'll figure something out, kid, but I'll be damned if I ever let anyone else make you feel less than your worth. You got that, Rosa?"

Rosa nods, because speaking is too terrifying and her thoughts are too jumbled to be capable of doing anything more.

Moments pass and she meets a stoic detective named Raymond Holt, who lets her off with a warning and nothing more. 

Later that night, when she's curled up in bed with Amy nestled beside her--Rosa doesn't feel so alone.

* * *

Rosa is sixteen years old when it happens.

She comes home from school with a mountain of homework and grass stains on her shorts from playing soccer with the boys at lunch. She trudges through the front door with her permanent scowl etched on her face and her bag drooping off of one boney shoulder. Rosa groans as she heads up the steps to throw her bag on her bed, but before she can, she hears her name called.

"Rosa!" Amy's voice calls out in a cheery tone. Rosa turns her head, her scowl melting off her face as she sees Amy's pig-tails swaying from side-to-side as she comes bounding into the hallway, sliding a little on her worn socks. The sight makes Rosa stop in her tracks and allow Amy to barrel into her side. She isn't much for touching, but she'll never pass down one of Amy's hugs.

"Hey Ames, how was school? Did you win another spelling bee today?" Rosa teases as she pecks the top of her younger sister's head. Amy chuckles and nudges her side with her elbow before wrestling free of the hug. Rosa curls a stray baby hair behind Amy's ear before peering at her curiously. She notes the wide, ear-splitting grin the younger girl dons and Rosa can't help but smile as well. Amy reaches down and tugs on her hand, leading her towards the living room with a determined pace.

"Ames, slow down, what's going on? Did you guess all the correct answers on Jeopardy again or--"

But Rosa doesn't finish her question, because she notices that there is a man sitting in the living room.

A man, who looks eerily like Amy--if Amy were older and a man, of course.

"Amy?" Rosa asks, confusion and dread starting to set in as she starts to link the pieces together. But, Amy doesn't speak first.

"Ah," the man says with a gentle smile as he rises, extending his hand. "You must be Rosalina--"

"Rosa," both Rosa and Amy say at the same time, earning a chuckle from the man.

"Right, Rosa. Sorry," the man says as Rosa tentatively shakes his hand. "I'm Victor. Victor Santiago."

"You're… Amy's father," Rosa fumbles the words together, trying her best to put on a happy front as she notices Amy looking to her for a reaction. She fakes her best smile and gives her younger sister's father a squeeze of his hand before releasing it.

"Dad's a policeman--"

"Detective, honey."

"Right, right," Amy babbles on, giddy from excitement as she looks between her father and Rosa. "Turns out that he has been trying to find me for years and he finally did! He's come here to take me home. Can you believe that, Rosa? I found my dad!"

"That's… great," Rosa forces out as she feels her heart wrangling itself inside her chest. "I'm… I'm so happy for you, Ames."

"I know," Amy says, grinning harder as she throws her arms around Rosa's neck. "I found my family, Rosa. I can't believe it."

Rosa's arms are weaker this time as they wrap around the younger girl, and when she looks over to Amy's shoulder, she sees the raw love in Victor Santiago's eyes that make her feel guilty. She spent all her life protecting Amy, in order for her to gain some chance at a normal life, and here it is, with none other than her father coming back to give her exactly that.

So… why isn't she happy?

It's all overwhelming too fast and before she knows it, Rosa breaks out of the hug and storms upstairs to her room. She ignores Amy's confused cries and Victor's questions. She slams the door shut and she collapses on the bed in a huff, trying not to let the tears escape. But her efforts are fruitless as the front of her pillowcase grows damp and her breaths come in hiccuping sobs.

It isn't until the pounding of her heart dies down does she notice the soft feel of hands rubbing circles into her back and gentle words being whispered into her ear. It takes a moment to realize that she smells the sweet scent of lavender and honey, mixed in with the scratchiness of denim. Rosa finally blinks her eyes open to notice that Amy is laying beside her, looking confused and worried. The younger girl's hands are combing through her unruly hair in soothing tugs and strokes, effectively calming her down.

"Hey," Amy whispers after awhile as Rosa feels herself return to normal. "You're safe, Rosie. I'm here."

"I'm sorry," Rosa coughs out, straggly and clogged. "I didn't mean to freak out on your dad, I just…"

"I get it," Amy says, her voice dropping to a sadder tone as she wedges herself closer on the bed. "I just found my family and you're still here." Rosa nods, chuckling sadly as she reaches up to play with one of Amy's pig-tails. "It's fine, Ames. I'm okay".

"I'm going to ask Dad if he can adopt you, too."

Rosa's head jerks off the pillow so hard she nails Amy in the nose with her forehead. The two girls groan in pain, but minutes later find themselves dissolving into a fit of laughter. Once they've both calmed down, Rosa lets a small, hopeful smile touch her lips.

"You'd really ask him that?" Rosa asks quietly, as if any louder would rescind the offer. "You don't have to, Ames, he's your dad and I'm not… you know. We're not really related--"

"You're my big sister," Amy interrupts with a serious frown and a determined jut of her chin. "You always protected me from those girls. You braided my hair and made my lunches, walked me to and from school, and made me feel like I mattered. Do you really think that I was going to leave you behind without a second glance?" Rosa feels her chest expand with the words, her eyes burning again as she sees Amy's frown turn into a smile. "Besides, I still have much to learn in terms of getting my street cred, Rosie."

"I love you," Rosa says, wrapping her arms around Amy's shoulder. "You're the best little sister a girl could ask for."

"I love you, too." Amy whispers back, like it's secret only the two of them will ever know. "To the moon and back." Rosa lets her arms release themselves from Amy's back and allows herself to be tugged to her feet by the scrawny preteen. Amy leads them back downstairs and the girls chat with Victor until it is time for him to go. He lets them know he will be back tomorrow with a wink and a smile. Rosa looks away as Victor envelopes Amy in his arms and hugs her close, before kissing her forehead sweetly.

The girls go back to bed, babbling until midnight about a life beyond the house and Ms. Miriam--a life with a  _real_  family. Rosa lays awake later, once Amy has passed out beside her. Their hands are still loosely bound, a habit they've had since they were younger. She's used to Amy taking up all the sheets or kicking her in her sleep, but she's always let it slide. She looks to her little sister and she lets herself feel true hope for the first time in her life. Usually, she makes an excuse that Amy is the one that holds her hand while they sleep, but she knows that deep down, Rosa's too scared of losing her to let her go.

For the first time, under the soothing sounds of Amy's soft snores and the creaking furnace, Rosa lets their hands slip.

And in the morning, when Rosa wakes to the smell of bacon and pancakes, Amy is gone and Rosa is left alone.

* * * 

Rosa toughens and hardens, so much so that she is shifted to another group home. And another. And another.

The girls are gritty and selfish, and Rosa pays them no mind. She works her hardest in school and she keeps her head down, even if it costs her a bruised rib or a busted lip. She works a part-time job at the local lumber yard and aces her SATs for college. She has no friends, she has no family, and she likes it that way. She keeps to herself and limits her contact as best as possible.

And yet, it doesn't stop Rosa from thinking about Amy every single day of the week.

* * * 

Rosa gets accepted to Yale for a duel major in both pre-med and business, but without a scholarship, she has to turn down the offer.

She's eighteen, and she's aged out of the system. No one ever showed interest in adopting her and Amy never came back.

When they call her name at her commencement, there are no hoots and hollers of her name, nor are there whistles of pride.

No, when Rosa shakes her high school principal's hand and gazes into the faceless crowd, no one stares back at her.

And that's when she knows, no matter where she goes, she'll always be a nobody.

After her walking the stage in her cap and gown, Rosa takes one last look at her high school before she walks away. She makes it back home to where a packed bag and a backpack lay on her bed. She grabs her items and exits her house, walking four blocks until she reaches the bus station. She fishes out the remainder of her quarters before riding the bus to a small office building.

Rosa takes one look at the sign and squares her shoulders before walking in.

Two men in uniform look up from the desk in front of the building, looking at her in confusion.

"I don't mean to be rude, but are you lost, ma'am?" An officer asks. Rosa shakes her head and points to poster behind them.

"No," Rosa replies, her voice steady and confident. "I'm here to enlist."

The two men look at each other, both of them struggling to hold back a laugh. Rosa rolls her eyes and crosses her arms.

"Do you have something to say?" She asks, curling her lip. "I came here to make a difference. If you don't want me, I'll leave."

"No, it's not that," the first officer, Mullins, Rosa reads from his name tag, "it's just… this isn't really a field for women."

"I know," Rosa acknowledges with a nod, "there haven't been any record of female applicants. Thought I'd be the trailblazer."

"You got any credentials to back that up, ma'am?" Mullins asks with a slight scoff. "I mean, what makes you think that you could make it?"

"Easy," Rosa replies, setting her bag down on the table. "I've been in the system for my entire life. I've lived on the streets. I survived molesters, abusers, junkies--the whole lot. I have seen shit that makes me stronger, tougher, than any applicant. I've learned to live smartly, not freely. I did pre-med courses all through high school, I have four black-belts, the leading gymnast and athlete at my high school. I earned entrance to all Ivy League schools, but because I didn't have the funds, I was unable to attend."

"This isn't a joke," Mullins fires back, his spine straightening, but Rosa remains unaffected. "If you came here to take a piss--"

"I can run a mile in under a five minutes because I've been running my whole life. The thing that sets me apart from these other recruits is that I know what it means to taste life on the tip of your tongue and still keep running." Rosa looks them dead in the eyes as she crosses her arms. "I have scars that run deeper than the laugh lines on your forehead, sir. I have the tenacity and stoicism required to be a NAVY seal."

"I… this must be some sort of prank--"

"Do you see me laughing?" Rosa asks, deadpan. When the officers don't reply, Rosa nods. "Good, then take my application."

"It's a rigorous training program and an elite position," the other officer-- Link, she reads off the shiny copper--replies. "A large percentage drop out of the first round, and we retain roughly six percent of the applicants. I'm sure you would be better off with another program, something like the Navy or even the Army would probably consider you, but the SEALs are a whole other op. If the mental examination doesn't scrap you, the physical examination will. Even if you have… relevant… background, the SEALs don't take in female recruits."

Rosa doesn't waver as she stands before the two officers. Instead she leans forward, firmly placing her hands on the desk.

"Then make me the first."

* * *

To everyone's behest, Rosa passes the initial examinations with flying colours. Her physical exam scores are slightly lower than the other top-level recruits, but her mental examination scores surpass each and every one of them. She has the highest score on the ASVAB, leaving her training officers in shock. She gets a perfect score on the C-SORT, but Rosa doesn't brag. Instead, she only vows to keep improving.

At first she is picked on relentlessly by the other male recruits the further she goes in her training, but she's learned from her days in the system that she is best to not respond. She instead works twice as hard and thrice as long to keep up with her cohort. She learns and she improves, honing her skills until she makes her way to becoming the best of the best. She puts on more muscle and changes her attitude. She becomes cold, calculated, emotionless, but also sharp and resilient to any adversity.

Surprisingly, she makes the best marksman of her group. She aces her weapon demonstration tasks and demonstrates her ability to work with a multitude of weapons, both ammunition driven and hand-to-hand combat. She also excels in land navigation, diving, demolitions, and cold weather warfare (following a training stint in the Appalachian mountains). She even manages to make the one-thousand yard swim in just under eighteen minutes, and makes the four-mile run in just twenty-one minutes.

The training is difficult, and there are days where Rosa feels it isn't worth it.

But then she remembers the sight of Amy's smile and the sound of her laugh, and she works ten times harder than before.

* * * 

It takes months of gruelling training, but just shy of her nineteenth birthday, Rosa Diaz graduates from the program at the top of her class and is promptly assigned to special forces group serving out a tour in the Middle East. 

She doesn't have much in terms of possessions, but keeps an old photo of her and Amy from Rosa's fifteenth birthday.

It's not much, but to Rosa, it becomes her world.

* * *

The small portion of Rosa's life spent in the SEALs is gruelling. Nothing in training ever prepared her for the feel of another man's blood on her hands, or the sight of good men dying with their eyes open and gazes vacant. Nothing could have prepared her for the cold, lonely winters when she was transferred to special tactics and reconnaissance in the mountains near North Korea.

Nothing could ever prepare of the feeling of taking another man's life.

Each death haunts her, but she keeps going. She leads teams through firefights and delivers intel to higher-ups. She is quiet and stealthy just as much as she is loud and merciless. She earns a reputation within her squadrons and even earns a nickname-- _El Diablo_. She despises it, makes her think of herself as one of those stray "nobodies" from back from her days in the system. 

But  _El_ _Diablo_  is fearless.

 _El Diablo_  is a leader of men. 

So Rosa lets it slide, lets herself be unaffected. She puts on the mask of the cold, calculated, ruthless leader they need her to be.

* * *

 _El Diablo_ becomes a legend. 

Rosa commands men and woman twice her age through the most ruthless and gruelling of situations. Firefights that leave blood in her mouth and death in her shadow. She lets three good men die when she evacuates a village of civilians from a firebombing. 

That night, as the flames of a burned village roar in the background, the villagers whisper her name.

 _El Diablo_ , they murmur, their voices growing louder as Rosa makes her way through to the front of the pack. They chant her name as they ride out on the dusty plains and away from the smouldering ash of the ruins of their home. Rosa feels their eyes on her back as she leads the convoy back home. The entire walk home, through the blazing heat and the moonlight bathing them, Rosa keeps her head down.

The chanting doesn't end until they reach the end of the road.

* * * 

"So, I see the legend isn't a myth after all, _El Diablo_."

Rosa looks up from the metal cup of rum and blinks. Before her stands a woman, hardly five-six, with piercing brown eyes and a smirk on her lips. Rosa clears her throat, straightening her back before setting her drink down and giving her attention to the woman in front of her. She eyes the woman's badges and uniform and notes that she is in the army, a sergeant by the looks of it.

"I prefer Diaz," Rosa says back, picking up her glass and taking a sip. "You?"

"Rodriguez," the woman grins toothily, plopping herself down on the bench across from Rosa. "SSG Alicia Rodriguez, to be candid."

"Staff Sergeant, huh?" Rosa chuckles dryly before downing the rest of her rum. "Aren't you a little young?"

"I could be asking the same thing to the SEAL's first female recruit-turned-commanding officer, couldn't I?" Alicia quips back with a grin. "Besides, I don't think we're really here to discuss our rankings in the field, are we Commander?"

"It's Captain now, actually."

"Formalities."

"Technicalities," Rosa corrects with a raised brow. "I out-rank you, soldier." Alicia brow perks again, a sly smile creeping on her lips.

"Is that so?" Rodriguez replies back with a smirk. "Well, I always did like being beneath strong, powerful women."

Rosa knows that she should walk away, drop her cup and turn away from the situation before it escalates, but the way Alicia looks at her with that smoulder in her eyes burns a fire in her heart greater than that of the village she had just seen perish. Rosa tracks the way Alicia's tongue peaks out and lips over her bottom lip, her left canine flashing in the dark as it bites down on the plump flesh. Rosa clenches the cup in her hand so hard she can feel the metal bending under her grip. She can hear the cheers again, pounding in the back of her ears.

 _El Diablo_ , they scream, their voices drowning out the pounding in her ears. _El Diablo_ , the conqueror of men.

And with one last fiery burn of the rum down her throat, Rosa stands and nods to Alicia.

* * * 

"Well, I'm not one for attachments, but I can't help but feel like the sex is too addicting."

Rosa doesn't reply, aside from a low, half-hearted chuckle as she feels Alicia's fingers tracing over her sweat-slicked collarbones. She enjoys the heat and weight of the younger woman atop her, even if her arm is going numb. Alicia replaces her fingers with her lips, pressing light, butterfly kisses to the microscopic scars that dot the line of her shoulders. It's become a routine now, after the months they've worked side-by-side with each other in the field. The sexual tension between them is more than just physical. Deep down, Alicia knows that Rosa has nightmares, but not with her. Rosa knows that Alicia has troubles sitting with her thoughts after a particularly bad firefight.

They both have their weaknesses, but it's enough to find reason to work it out together.

At least, that's what Rosa tells herself. She takes a deep breath, staring up at the tent's ceiling.

"You're awfully quiet, Diaz." Alicia's voice is soft, quiet. "I can't help but feel like you're holding out on me tonight."

"I'm just… contemplating," Rosa admits softly, letting her fingers trace a soothing pattern along Alicia's arm. "About _El Diablo_."

"Your nickname?" Alicia jokes with a raspy laugh. "You know that they call you that to boost morale, right?"

Rosa sighs, turning her head so that she can press a kiss to Alicia's forehead. "They call me that because they fear me."

"They call you that because they know you will make tough choices," Alicia corrects, her tone serious. "They call you that because they can't accept the terms and conditions that come with the wars we fight. They call you that because you inspire them, not because of fear, Rosa."

"I have slit a man's throat with his family watching," Rosa whispers quietly, her voice cracking. "I killed him and his son cried. I took a boy from a father because he killed my soldiers. I burned a village to the ground, costing the lives of over a hundred innocent refugees in order to prevent the deaths of my squad. This war… this bloodshed. It never ends because there will always be someone to protect."

"You can't protect everyone, Rosa." Alicia leans up on her elbows, tears glazed in her eyes as she looks down at Rosa's distant expression. "You know that you have to the make the choices that results in the least amount of casualties. You're not Wonder Woman, Diaz."

"No," Rosa says as her eyes slowly shift over so they lock gazes with Alicia's own. "I'm not Wonder Woman. I'm _El Diablo_."

"Rosa--"

"I speak Spanish. I know what they say about me."

"Rosa, come on it's not true--"

" _El Diablo_ ," Rosa breathes out, her voice catching. " _El comandante de la muerte. El segador._ "

Alicia goes quiet as Rosa closes her eyes and translates, "The Devil. The commander of death. The reaper."

There's a quiet moment, a stillness in the air that breathes heaviness into the tension of the room. Rosa opens her eyes and looks over to see tears silently sliding down Alicia's cheeks. Rosa doesn't ask, because she doesn't have to. She looks to Alicia's eyes and she knows.

"They fear me, Alicia." Rosa repeats, her voice soft but still somehow sharp. "And so do you."

* * * 

The fear is real, and Rosa acknowledges as she watches a bullet fly into a child wearing a bomb strapped to his vest.

The bullet, that came from her own gun.

But it's not the explosion afterwards, or the freshly blood-soaked sand before her that makes her realize it, but the look in the boy's eyes.

While she lies on the dirt floor, Rosa Diaz adds children to the list of those who have died at her hands that day.

 _El Diablo_ , she hears again, a slow chant that rises until she feels her ears fill with blood. She looks to the skies, feeling a new fire ripping through her side as she finds herself struggling to breathe. There's a ringing in her ear that doesn't stop persisting. She inhales and exhales, trying her best to get oxygen flowing but it's no use. She swallows down the pool of blood rising up the back of her throat and chokes.

"Rosa! Rosa, no!"

Rosa blearily cocks her head to the side to see the blurred shape of a figure moving towards her. Even with her vision shoddy at best, she knows that the person running towards her is not one of her own. She tries to roll onto her side, but her body feels paralyzed.

"Get away from her!" She hears a woman's voice cry out, followed by a spray of bullets that knock down the figure in front of her. Through the shifting mirage of the hot desert, Rosa makes out a dozen more, chanting and screaming for _El Diablo_. The gunfire roars overhead and Rosa watches through teary gaze as each man collapses before their bodies explode, painting the deserted down crimson with their blood.

"Rosa, stay with me--oh God, I need a medic!"

Finally, Rosa has the strength to look away from the valley of death to the blurred face of Alicia atop her. She shifts her gaze downwards to see Alicia's hands soaked in blood, pressed deeply into her side. Her fingers are wrapped around a piece of metal shrapnel lodged in her abdomen. Rosa looks back up, mouth dry and head fuzzy as she once again attempts to speak, but once again, only blood dribbles out.

"No, stay still. You're losing too much blood and the e-vac is ten minutes out. I need you awake, okay?" Alicia begs her, tears filming in her eyes as she presses her hands tighter to the wound. Rosa gasps, wheezing and coughing as she feels the blood catch in her throat.

"You're okay," Alicia repeats, trying to keep the quiver from her voice. "You're okay, I won't let anything happen to you. I… I got you."

Rosa stays awake, just barely, until she hears the blades of the chopper and the shouting of voices for a stretcher.

But as she drifts in between consciousness and unconsciousness, the chants just keep getting louder.

And then, just before Rosa knocks out cold, she hears a voice she never thought she'd hear again.

_"You're my big sister, Rosa. I need you."_

* * * 

Rosa makes a quick recovery following the incident. Alicia is there when she is discharged and helps situate her in the tent. For the next couple of days, they hardly talk. Alicia remains in shock from the events, with Rosa catching the other woman looking at her hands far too often than not. Rosa keeps hearing a blend of the chants and Amy's voice, and drives her insane. She feels as though she is being swallowed by the sun, and not just because the heat is scorching. Her head is clouded, muddled with different sounds and memories.

And even Rosa--impassible and stoic Rosa--can't tear them apart.

* * * 

Alicia and Rosa part ways a few nights later, with Alicia being shipped off to Pakistan and Rosa to Korea.

They have one last night together.

It's silent but nostalgic. Rosa comes into Alicia's mouth with nothing but a hushed gasp and a claw into the other woman's shoulder. Alicia holds her tightly, kissing her with such passion that it makes her want to die right there. They make love until just before the sun rises, knowing that any later would result in further problems. As much as the sneaking around was risky, but fun, they are leaders first.

So Rosa lies side by side with her lover, tracing every minuscule detail of Alicia's face until it's committed to memory.

And then, just as she feels her eyelids drooping, she hears it. A soft, breathy whisper.

"I love you."

It's an "until next time", not a "goodbye".

Rosa wants to say it back but then Alicia is kissing her forehead and her eyes close involuntarily.

When she wakes up in the morning, Alicia is gone and Rosa feels that pit in her gut grow even larger than before.

* * * 

 _El Diablo_  is a leader of men, a legend, and a myth.

But then, on her last fateful mission, Rosa let that mask slip for half a second.

And she falls.

Down.

Down.

 _Down_.

* * * 

Rosa is twenty-six years old when she is honourably discharged with a smatter of medals and patches on her uniform.

 _El Diablo_  is laid to rest, alongside the other nine members of her squad that sacrificed their lives. She buries her past alongside her men and she returns to the safety of a city that she once knew as her home. No one greets her at the airport. No one throws their arms around her shoulders and weeps into her collar. No one is there to tell her that they are relieved she is home safe.

No one is there and Rosa finds that all-familiar loneliness set back in.

She's given an apartment in Brooklyn, enough savings to retire, and a motorbike.

It all feels so… normal.

Rosa's parachuted out of a helicopter onto a battlefield, hacked her way through jungles, and survived in sub-zero temperatures. She's disarmed and detonated explosives, lead assassinations of major war criminals, and even did stints undercover in terrorist organizations.

So scratch that--the apartment, the savings, even the motorbike--it doesn't feel normal at all.

And still, in the breast pocket of her leather jacket, sits the torn and weathered down photo of two girls, unaffected by loss.

Rosa's first night alone in the apartment brings nothing but nightmares, tears, and the hollowness of guilt.

 _El Diablo_ is dead, but Rosa still hears the screams, the chants, and sometimes she wishes she was dead too.

* * * 

Soon, nightmares get worse and sometimes Rosa wakes up in the dark with her hand clasped around her gun.

So Rosa drinks. She empties bars and sleeps with men and women until she feels the uneasiness within her numb into nothing.

A war-hero, she's been called by some.

A murderer, she's been called by others.

At some point, between the whiskey and the sex, the words begin to blend together.

* * * 

At twenty-eight and sober, Rosa finds herself back in another recruitment office.

This time, not for the army, but for the New York Police Department.

She's eyeballed when she hands in her resume of her previous experience. One officer, Lohank, she reads on his tag, asks her why she would even consider working for the NYPD considering she made the rank of Captain while in the SEALs.

"I'm fit for duty," Rosa assures him as she crosses her arms. "And besides, if you can't tell, I'm a little young to retire."

The man looks baffled but says nothing as he fumbles for an application form on the desk. He promptly juts it out and Rosa accepts, filling out the necessary information while Lohank continues to stare at her, mouth agape like a starstruck teenager. She pays him no attention and quickly hands back the clipboard. Lohank reads it over and gulps before giving her a booklet.

"There's the information for the hiring process and all the exams and whatnot. I am sure this is all like preschool to you, though. I mean, training for the NYPD is nothing like the armed forces, especially the Navy SEALs, I mean you're insanely overqualified--"

"Detective Lohank," Rosa interrupts with a half-hearted smile. "It's fine. This is what I want. You don't need to oversell me."

"Right… got it," Lohank stammers before he shakes his head, "I mean, you're just so… you're the first woman to be a SEAL--"

"Lohank."

"Got it."

* * * 

"So, you come here often?"

Rosa turns around to see a younger man with Justin Timberlake frosted tips and a goofy, boyish grin on his face.

"To a police academy, for training?" Rosa asks nonchalantly. "No, I can't say that I do. I pity anyone who does."

"Right, right," the man says, "cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, no doubt, doubt."

"What?" Rosa asks, straightening her spine. The man immediately cowers and holds his hands up.

"Just making a joke, you know, like an ice breaker or something. I mean this is police training, I've only been dreaming of this day since I watched _Die Hard_  for the first time, and I have to say, it's not like it is in the movies but I am still so pumped--"

"You're here… because of  _Die Hard_?" Rosa asks, quirking a brow. "What's your name?"

"Well not all because of  _Die Hard_ , but mostly, yes. Name's Jake Peralta," Jake says as he sticks out his hand, grin beaming wider. Rosa looks to his frosted tips before down at the man's hand and sighs. She shakes it firmly before letting go.

"Damn that's a grip… say, I didn't catch your name?"

"That's because I didn't say it."

"Right, right. But like, what is your name 'cause I'll make one up for you if you don't tell me, and right now I'm thinking Lucinda."

"Lucinda, really?" Rosa asks, crossing her arms. "No, that's not my name. It's Rosa Diaz. But you can just call me Diaz."

"Last names only, got it. Awesome," Jake beams again, and part of him reminds Rosa a bit of Amy. "Then you can call me Peralta, or JP. I am digging that last one and I was just waiting to try it out on someone who wasn't my mom. Does it work?"

"No," Rosa replies bluntly. "I'll stick with Jake."

He doesn't seem to mind though, and despite his annoying tendency to yap like a little dog, Rosa takes a liking to him.

He's innocent. Fresh. Sweet.

They bond over the course of their training, with Rosa tutoring Jake on the written tests while Jake provides ample amounts of entertainment (somehow watching all of the  _Die Hard_ s back to back while drunk seems to be their peak bonding point). Rosa eventually discloses her years in the military, which only leaves Jake asking questions like, "is the body armour really that heavy?", "what is it like to drive a tank?" and "did you have a secret code name?". But even though most of the questions are inevitably driven from media content and twisted stories read on the internet, the questions only serve to humanize Rosa further.

Jake doesn't look at her like she's a monster or a murderer. He sees her as a friend, and treats her as such.

For the first time since Amy left, Rosa feels like she can trust again (one-thousand pushups and all).

* * * 

Rosa and Jake spend the first few years at the NYPD as beat-cops, but soon with their skills and talent, they make their way up the rungs towards detective. They're first stationed in the Nine-Eight, but are quickly moved to the Nine-Nine following a recommendation and promotion from their captain. They stay partners for most cases until they're greeted by one Charles Boyle, an eccentric, food-loving and seemingly harmless detective with a knack for organization and efficiency, despite his clumsiness.

Rosa finds him endearing, even if he painfully attempts to flirt with her (with no luck, might she add). But Charles quickly takes to Jake, and the two soon become best friends and partners. Rosa doesn't find herself upset, nor does she find herself jealous. She has always regarded Jake to be somewhat of a younger sibling, but she dares not admit it.

She's not ready to find a family just yet.

So instead, she finds herself often partnered up with Sergeant Terry Jeffords, the reliable family man and father of two, with muscles big enough to put those she'd worked with in the SEAL program to shame, but a heart that is worn on his sleeve. He is calm and kind, and knows not to raise his voice around her when she's on edge. They solve their big case, a drug bust that ended in a five block chase. It was then that Rosa put her SEAL training to use and took out the perp without even breaking a sweat.

"You're a machine," Terry tells her when they're celebrating in a bar after the perp is taken into custody. "What I would give to be young again. Now Terry's just big and bulky, like a teddy bear." He flashes her a sweet smile and a deep-bellied laugh when Rosa's brow scrunches. She chuckles, because Terry looks anything like a teddy bear, but she let's him have it. He gives her support when she feels lonely, and she knows that beneath his lumbering gait and bulging muscles, he's a giant softie.

Hitchcock and Scully, the two oldest detectives on the squad seem to be mostly house mouses, but they have their quirks. They provide decent comic relief when things get too heavy, and though she won't ever let them hear it, Rosa appreciates their lacklustre contributions. It's always a surprise when she hears they manage to process a perp, let alone detain one.

But it's Gina, the captain's ever-sardonic secretary that intrigues her the most. At times, when the squad can tell that Rosa's not one-hundred percent, they'll walk around her like she's a slowly-ticking bomb. They handle her with kid gloves when she's in a rut, or avoid her altogether. But Gina, she's different. Gina approaches her with no fear, and looks at her like she is no different to any detective in the Nine-Nine. Her years in the SEALs are no big secret to anyone, but there are certain parts of her past job that still seep into her latest one. She still hasn't quite built up the gusto to work anything related to major crimes, but she's getting there. Gina swings by her desks, "dishes her hot goss", and makes her feel less like she's back in the thick of it, just surviving.

It's nice, Rosa decides one day as she looks around the precinct. But, even she knows that she can admit it's more than that.

For the first time in her life, she feels at home.

* * *

It's a few months into working at the Nine-Nine when Rosa's life turns upside down.

She and Jake are just finishing walking a perp into the holding cell when there's the sound of a throat clearing.

"Detectives," Terry announces as he stands at the front of the captain's office. "I'd like to announce the newest member of our team. She's just transferred here from the Eight-Six and is going to be working with us indefinitely." Rosa makes her way into the bullpen and leans against Jake's desk, where he can hear him muttering "please be a hot blonde, please be a hot blonde" under his breath quietly. She promptly swats the back of his head and he yelps, but she can see that he looks more amused than hurt. Terry clears his throat again, pointing a harmless glare towards both detectives before moving to the side to reveal the new addition.

And then, in that moment as Terry says her name, Rosa's heart jumps up to her chest.

"Everyone, I'd like you to meet Detective Amy Santiago."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this wasn't a giant mess and thanks for reading! I am getting back into my updating game like only know so the wait on my other stories shouldn't be too long!


	2. Prologue [Part 2: Back to the Future]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy, from the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since Tony was the only named Santiago brother, I made him extra important and high-key now BROTP him with Amy like what anyways here's a second part because I NEEDED to bye.

Amy sits in a squeaky white chair, surrounded by bustling doctors and cream-coloured hallways. She picks at the edges of her frayed sweater, pulling and knotting the ends of her sleeves in anxiety. She keeps looking at the clock, and then the man at the end of the hall. He has a police badge on as he talks to another doctor. He's tall, looks somewhat intimidating and has a deep voice. It makes Amy shiver.

All she wants is her mother, but she doesn't even know when she will come back.

"Amy Santiago?" 

Amy blinks out of her daze and looks up to see one of the doctors standing in front of her.

"Y-yes?" She stammers as the doctor kneels, his hands clasped over his knees. The doctor takes a deep breath.

"I'm afraid that your mother was injured badly in the crash," the doctor states with a sympathetic expression. "I'm sorry, Amy."

"Why are you sorry?" Amy asks, her voice croaking as tears well in her eyes. "I-I want to see her."

"Amy," the doctor sighs again, placing his hand on her trembling knee. "I'm sorry. Your mother… we couldn't save her."

At first, Amy is silent, shocked, processing.

And then, she wails.

* * * 

In the end, Amy is sedated and placed in a room on the other end of a hall. When she wakes, the stoic detective from before her gazes down at her, but his expression holds little to no emotion. At first, Amy is terrified, but then she realizes, she'd rather this than sympathy.

"Amy," the man speaks as he leans forward in his seat. "My name is Detective Raymond Holt. I'm the one who responded to the call."

"Mommy's gone… isn't she?" Amy asks, rubbing at her eyes as her stomach does flips. "She's gone just like Daddy, isn't she?"

Detective Holt flinches for a second, taking a second before he nods bleakly. Amy sniffles, wiping the tears that relentlessly stream down her cheeks. She shivers in the bed, feeling the warmth seep from her skin with each minute that passes. And yet, Detective Holt remains impassive. He waits, patiently and calmly, like a stoic knight and despite the aloofness of the man, Amy seeks comfort in his silence.

"W-What happens now?" Amy asks, blinking up at the man as she wipes some snot from her nose. "Where will I go?"

"To a new home," Detective Holt says with a nod. "You are a ward of the state, but you will be taken care of, I promise you. Your caseworker will be here in a few minutes to escort you to your new home. There, you will live with other girls your age. And if you ever need anything, do not be afraid to call, Ms. Santiago. Here, I have written my personal cellphone number in case you need it. I will always be available."

Amy takes the small piece of paper from the detective's hand and peers at it curiously before looking up. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because," Detective Holt says as he stands, straightening out his suit. "Everyone needs someone to talk to sometimes."

With that, Detective Holt turns for the door and walks out.

* * * 

To Amy, Rosa Diaz is a mystery.

On the outside, she's a hard shell of a girl, with shifty eyes and lofty glances. She's wiry limbs and frizzy hair. She's loud and crass, quick to snap or let loose a snide remark when the time calls for it. She's aggressive and callous, stoic and impassive, unnerved and emotionless.

But when she's with Amy?

When she's with Amy, Rosa Diaz is an entirely different person.

On the inside, she's a soft girl with a love for romantic comedies and dancing. She does ballerina and gymnastics. She is gentle and sweet when Amy comes to her, crying because she misses her mother. She's open arms and open heart when Amy is scared of the dark. She's sweet and kind and compassionate. She's protective and wary of others, but around Amy, she melts like an ice cream on a hot day.

"I don't get it," Amy says one night as they're sitting together reading books. Rosa lays on the ground, a comic book held up. Amy peers down and glances at the cover. It's an old issue of _The_ _Justice League_ , and Amy smiles to herself. Of course Rosa would be a nerd.

"What's up, Ames?" Rosa asks, but doesn't divert her gaze from the comic book. Amy smiles again, setting down her own book before she slides off the bed and rolls next to Rosa. The older girl grunts, but doesn't move when Amy lays her head on her shoulder and sighs.

"Why are you so… quiet?" Amy asks softy. "Why are you so tucked away from everyone else but not me?"

That makes Rosa stop reading.

"Tucked away?" Rosa asks, setting the book aside so that she can look over at Amy. "What do you mean?"

"I mean… you're so closed off with the other girls, especially Jaime."

"Jaime's a dick, that's why."

"Rosa."

"Amy."

Amy rolls her eyes when Rosa smirks and settles back down, staring up at the ceiling. Amy reaches out, her finger tapping along the small scar under Rosa's cheek from where Jaime had punched her in the jaw. Amy had accidentally been snooping in the teenager's room, initially there to see if she could find her favourite pen (the girls in the home had a knack for stealing her stationary), but Jaime had caught her. The lumbering fifteen year had started shoving and shouting and Amy couldn't help but let out a shout for help.

And that's when Rosa came in--fists swinging.

"You really should keep a closer eye on your favourite pen," Rosa chuckles, interrupting Amy's train of thought. "But… if you didn't, then I wouldn't have had the chance to colour Jaime's face with _my_ favourite shade of purple." Amy lightly punches Rosa in the shoulder, groaning.

"Violence isn't cool, Rosie. You should know better."

"Still," Rosa says with a shrug, "she deserved it, that dick."

Amy shakes her head and snuggles into her older sister's side, her heart thrumming in her ears as she swallows thickly.

"You don't always have to protect me, you know."

Amy feels Rosa tense beneath and she squeezes her eyes shut in anticipation of a growled response. But instead, Rosa's body loosens and the older girl wraps her arm around her back, drawing her closer. Amy opens her eyes and leans closer, her fingers tapping on Rosa's shirt.

"I protect you because I love you," Rosa whispers quietly, "and I don't regret punching Jaime, Ames. I'd do it again. Maybe even harder."

"I love you too," Amy replies softly, wrapping her arms around Rosa's waist as she snuggles closer. "To the moon and back, Diaz."

Rosa kisses her forehead, making Amy's lips turn up in a happy little smile. 

"To the moon and back, Santiago."

* * * 

Victor Santiago is nothing like the man she had ever dreamed her father to be.

In fact, he's everything more.

Victor is clean shaven, smooth, smart, and calculated. He tells the same kinds of nerdy jokes and likes organizing his life into neat little leatherback journals with tabs cascading down the sides. They spend an hour talking about different types of stationary and binders. Amy loves it, knowing that Rosa can only handle so much of her "nerd stuff" as she so eloquently puts it. Amy may be fourteen, but she is sure that the best day of her life is the day that her father asks her if she would like to come home and live with him, like a family.

He explains that he had been trying to find her since she was born, but at the time he had been in the military for a tour. He retired only a few years ago and joined the Boston Police Department as a cop, later-turned detective. He now lives with a woman named Camila, who has seven sons from a previous marriage. They have a big family, but Victor explains that he always regretted never finding his daughter. 

And then, after a year of sleuthing, here he is in the Hofford's House, wearing a slim pressed suit and aviators.

"I was wondering," Victor says, setting his coffee cup down on the table before wringing his hands together. He gulps nervously, his eyes flickering from Amy to the cup as he musters up the courage to ask his question. He clears his throat, "I was wondering if you wanted to maybe come home… to live with me and Camila? I… I know we haven't known each other long but… your my daughter, and I don't want to waste another day of my life not living it with you." Amy has tears in her eyes and her father's voice cracks on the last line as he swallows.

"I…," Amy trails off, in shock. She never thought she'd be adopted. She'd seen so many girls go in and out of the house, transferred from one home to another. Luckily, Amy had some degree of stability, having lived with Rosa and Ms. Miriam (and Jaime, begrudgingly) since she had first moved in. She looks to her father, who seems to have taken her silence as a rejection, and she quickly goes to correct herself.

"Yes!" Amy exclaims as she bounces in her seat. "Yes, I would love to, Da--sorry, Mr. Santiago."

"Amy," Victor laughs as he comes and sits next to her on the couch. "If you want… you can call me your father. Um… Dad?"

"Dad," Amy tests the word, its foreign taste not unwelcoming as she grins wider. "That works for me, Dad."

"Good," Victor says with another smile before he pulls her in for a hug. "I guess I will see you tomorrow then?"

"Yes Dad," Amy replies, giddy with excitement. "I'll see you tomorrow, Dad!"

* * *

She had expected Rosa to be happier about meeting her father.

But when Rosa hugs her back with less strength in those wiry arms and half-heartedly offers a congratulations, Amy thinks it's werid.

When Rosa runs off in the middle of their conversation and charges upstairs, it's even weirder.

"You thought I was going to leave you," Amy states boldly when Rosa stops crying and the room is quiet. "That's why you acted weird."

"You can do what you want," Rosa replies, trying to sound crass, but with her stuffed nose and sniffling hiccups, it comes out as a croak. Amy's heart clenches as she realizes that in the middle of her excitement, she forgot that Rosa might not be as onboard as she'd hoped.

"Rosa," Amy says as she rubs soothing circles over Rosa's tensed shoulders. "I'm going to ask Dad if he will adopt you, too."

At this Rosa, seems surprised. She sits up, eyeing Amy with a confused expression. She crosses her arms in front of her, something Amy has come to understand as vulnerability. "You'd really ask him that? Ames, he's your dad and I'm not… you know. We're not really related--"

"You're my big sister," Amy tells her, chin jutted upwards. She feels a hint of pride kindle in her chest when Rosa's eyes perk at the recognition of their pseudo-relationship. "You always protected me from those girls. You braided my hair and made my lunches, walked me to and from school, and made me feel like I mattered. Do you really think that I was going to leave you behind without a second glance?"

Rosa goes to open her mouth when Amy giggles, "besides, I still have much to learn in terms of getting my street cred, Rosie."

"I love you," Rosa chokes out and Amy can't help but feel her lungs constrict at the look in Rosa's eyes. They're filled with fear of abandonment, of loss, and it hits Amy then that she's probably the closest thing to family that Rosa has ever received. It's then that she decides that while Rosa may protect her body, she will protect Rosa's heart. She brings Rosa in for a hug, squeezing her in a silent vow.

"I love you too," Amy replies, reaching between them so she can clasp Rosa's hand. "To the moon and back."

* * * 

Amy is woken up at seven-thirty, with Rosa still slumbering beside her. 

"Amy," she hears Ms. Miriam's voice pull her from sleep. "Wake up, dear. Your father is here."

"Oh," Amy says as she rubs her eyes. She smiles when she hears Rosa let out a soft grunt and roll over onto stomach. She stands from the bed and fixes her hair before looking over at Ms. Miriam with a smile. She reaches for a jacket--Rosa's old bomber jacket--and throws it on.

"My dad is adopting Rosa," Amy says with a wide grin before she frowns, "well I am going to ask him first, but he definitely will."

Ms. Miriam sighs at that, and Amy's frown deepens. "What? Dad will totally say yes. Rosa's my big sister and I won't leave her here."

"Amy," Ms. Miriam whispers quietly, reaching out to tug at Amy's arm and bring her outside. She shuts the bedroom door and turns to the younger girl with a sympathetic expression. "Rosa Diaz is not an adoptable girl. She's… she's too problematic. I don't think your father will want to keep her." Amy's excitement plummets into rage as she bunches her fists and glares up at the group home coordinator with ire.

"I love Rosa," Amy argues back defiantly, "she's sweet and kind and she never gets mad at me. People just don't understand her, but I do."

"I'm sorry, Amy. I know what Rosa means to you, but she doesn't belong in a home, not one like yours."

"Screw you," Amy seethes, jutting forward in an attempt to push back the older woman, but another tug on her arm holds her back. She turns her head to see Victor standing there with a grim smile on his face. Amy doesn't see the remorse in his eyes, so she rejoices.

"Dad! Ms. Miriam says that you won't take Rosa but I am telling you, Rosa is the best big sister I could ever have! She protected me from the other girls in here and she always makes me feel safe. I can't leave her behind because I love her, to the moon and back," Amy says with a confident voice, crossing her arms in a huff. "I can't leave with you and go home unless Rosa comes with me, that's my deal."

"Oh Amy," Victor sighs as he kneels before her. "I want to take Rosa, but we don't have room for her. I promise, we'll come back for her when we can, and you can always visit." Amy has tears in her eyes as she hears her father speak, but she doesn't have time to argue because Victor stands and grabs at her arm lightly, dragging her away from the door. Amy goes to protest, but Ms. Miriam shakes her head.

"You are a lucky girl, Amy, to have a father who cares so much. You are smart and you will go very far, I am sure." Amy grits her teeth and screams, but Victor pulls her into his chest, muffling the sound as he continues to lead her away from Rosa's bedroom and towards the door. Victor escorts her to the car and gets in. She's still crying, not as loudly as before, but still as forcefully as Victor starts the car.

"I'm sorry," Victor says as he pulls out of the driveway and onto the street. "I know how much you cared for that girl."

"She has a name," Amy spits out, her teeth gritted in anger as she glares at him. "Her name is Rosa Diaz and she is my sister."

"She is your _foster_ sister, Amy. She's not your blood. She…," he trails off, taking a breath before looking back over to her. "Look, Amy, Rosa is a special girl, I am sure of it. But she's… she's not the kind of girl that I want in my household. Ms. Miriam told me everything about her prior… activities. She's a shoplifter, aggressive towards others, and quick-tempered. She's… she's just not fit for our family. I'm sorry."

"She did all of that for me," Amy whispers softly, her voice cracking as she cranes her head to watch the house fade out of view. "She would do those things for me, to protect me. Those girls in there beat her up because they wanted to get at me. She shoplifted pens and notebooks for me, and when I told her to return it, she did. She's a straight-A student, on the honour-roll, and an athlete. She works hard. She's not a criminal or a bum, she's a teenaged girl with no family and no one that loves her, no one but me. You took me away from her."

"Amy--"

"I want to go back. I want to go to Rosa--"

"Amy, please--"

"I don't want to live with you! Rosa is my family, Rosa--"

"Rosa is _not_ my daughter," Victor snaps, screeching the car to a stop on the side of the road. " _You_ are my daughter, Amy."

"No," Amy shakes her head as she leans back in her seat and looks out the window. "You're just a man who's related to me."

"Amy…"

"I didn't even get to say goodbye," Amy whispers quietly, more tears steadily falling down her face. "I love her and I didn't even tell her goodbye. She's… she's going to think that I abandoned her, just like everyone else in her life. She's going to hate me, because of you."

"She'll move on, Amy. She's a foster kid, she'll bond with someone else."

"I can't believe those words even left your mouth," Amy growls as she looks back at her father. "You don't even know her."

"I don't have to, Amy. She's trouble. I… I just can't let you get hurt. I just found you, I won't let you go," Victor says, his hand reaching out in an attempt to graze her own, but Amy snatches it away and shakes her head, scoffing with contempt at the hurt expression in his eyes.

"You already hurt me," Amy seethes, "so I want you to turn around and drive me back to the house. _Now_."

Victor sighs again, this time letting both his hands rest on the wheel as he gazes forward and bites his lip. There's a silence, tense and quiet, one that fills Amy with dread. Victor taps his fingers on the leather of the steering wheel before he takes a breath and looks to Amy sadly.

"I can't take you back because you're under my custody now, Amy. I… I'm sorry, but you're coming home with me."

* * * 

For weeks, Amy fiddles with the piece of paper Detective Holt had given her when her mother had passed away.

She traces her fingers over the numbers over and over again, as if trying to will her body to actually pick up the phone and call.

But her own father is a detective, and if he couldn't get Rosa out, she isn't sure if Detective Holt can either.

So she tucks the paper under her pillowcase and tries to sleep.

Her dreams are all the same. Her and Rosa side-by-side, without a care in the world. The grass beneath their feet and the wind in their hair, nothing could be more perfect. She hears Rosa's snorting laugh, feels the roughness of her calloused palms in her own, and she dreams.

She dreams of her family.

Her _real_ family.

* * * 

Victor and Camila's family are… rigid.

Amy's been at the Santiago household for almost two months now. She hates it because it's too loud, too warm, too friendly, too… safe. 

But most of all, there is no Rosa in the Santiago household.

Camila tries to relate to her, but Amy doesn't really put an effort into trying. The natural do-gooder in her preens at the thought of expressing respect and attention to authority figures, but whenever she looks to Victor, all she can feel is hatred. She doesn't understand why he couldn't take Rosa with them, why she had to leave, why he had to adopt her and not let her say goodbye to her only sister.

"What's got you glum?" 

Amy whips her head up to see Tony, Camila's sixth son stride into the living room with an apple in his hands. "Come on, you're a Santiago, and Santiago's don't mope." Amy barely cracks a smile because he's goofy and boyish but treats her like an adult, not a child. 

"I'm just thinking…," Amy says, crossing her arms as she leans back into the couch. "About… stuff."

"Stuff?" Tony asks, taking a huge bite out of his apple and spraying bits of juice everywhere. "Whag kinda stuphf?" 

"Well, firstly, about why you won't chew with your mouth closed like a decent human being," Amy quips, earning a wide grin from Tony. He chews with an even more open mouth and Amy groans, shoving his shoulder away as he finally closes his mouth and finishes his bite.

"And…?" Tony ponders as he wags his finger for dramatic effect. "That's not the only stuff you gotta be thinking about, Santiago."

"I don't think using the last name is effective if we all have the same one."

"Potato-tomato, it sounds cool. Like you're a badass detective like Dad."

"Huh," Amy snorts, "yeah, _real_ badass."

At that, Tony frowns. "Did… Dad do something to upset you?"

Amy sighs, looking down at her jeans, choosing not to answer. Tony's expression turns serious as he sets the half-eaten apple down on the table and turns to face her with a concerned expression. Amy tries hiding the tears, but the move is still fresh and she can still smell bits of Rosa on the bomber jacket she's taken to wearing at any chance she can get. Tony places a hand on her shoulder, squeezing lightly.

"I had a sister," Amy says quietly, "back at the foster home. Rosa."

"And Dad didn't take her too? No wonder you're pissed! Santiago's never leave other Santiago's behind--"

"Rosa isn't a Santiago," Amy interrupts, swallowing as she looks up at him. "Her full name is Rosalina Diaz, but she hates the name Rosalina so she shortened it to Rosa. She likes reading comic books, dancing, and gymnastics. She makes me laugh and she knows when to give me space when I'm upset and when to comfort me when I'm scared. When I first moved into the home, I was so, so scared but Rosa… she… she was right there beside me. She took me under her wing and she protected me from some of the… bad things… that happened over there."

"Oh," Tony says, leaning back as he digests the new information. "I… I'm sorry."

" _Dad_ ," she exaggerates his name, "won't adopt her because she's not a Santiago. Because he thinks she won't fit in here."

"That's a lame excuse," Tony says with a frown. "There's no way Dad would say that. He's a detective. He should know the system better than anyone else… well, beside the people who are actually in it." Amy chuckles at Tony's flustered attempt at covering his assumption. 

"It's fine, I get it. But yeah, no, he just told me she wasn't a good fit and then that was that."

"Man," Tony whistles as he shakes his head, "that really sucks, _hermana_. I wish there was something I could do to help. Stubborn Cubans."

"Thanks," Amy says with a small smile. She wipes a stray tear from her cheek and shakes her head with a small laugh. "I guess… I just… being here, with you and the others, seeing what family I was supposed to have, it just… it doesn't sit right like I thought it would. Whenever I think of my family, I think of me and Rosa. Because that's what it was for so long… me and Rosa against the world, I guess."

"Amy," Tony says quietly, "you know no one here is expecting you to just call yourself at home here, right? You've been away for a long time. We're all just strangers to you right now. There is no pressure for you to call us your family just yet. We certainly haven't earned it."

"Thanks, Tony. I… appreciate that," Amy says as she smiles at him and nods, "I guess with a little time I might feel better."

"I will talk to Dad about Rosa," Tony replies as he stands with a slight smirk. "I _am_ the family favourite after all."

"For now," Amy quips back lightly, pulling a full-bellied laugh from her step-brother. "Rosa always said I was the best teacher's pet."

"Watch yourself, Santiago."

"Again, same last name, so completely ineffective."

"Still cool though, still cool."

* * * 

In the end, after four months, Tony manages to convince their parents to adopt Rosa.

"I don't know," Camila says with a furrowed brow. "I just think that… she's just…"

"Enough, Ma, I know you're scared you'll have a delinquent in here but I had Dad run background checks and there's nothing on Rosa. If anything, we should be thanking her for taking care of Ames while she was in that home. We did background checks on the other girls and I'll tell you, Rosa looks a like a saint compared to some of them," Tony argues back, crossing his arms as his mother eyes the photo carefully. Amy stands beside her brother, swallowing thickly as she wrings her hands out in front of her, eagerly waiting for her response.

"Fine," Camila sighs as she looks over to the two step-siblings with a half-smile. "I'm doing it only because you show loyalty to her, and clearly, she seems to do the same for you. I'll text your father and let him know to make a stop at the home to go over the fostering process." Amy cheers, hugging Tony as they both rejoice. But then, a few seconds later, she stops jumping and smiling and turns to Camila.

"Wait," she says, her voice dropping. "Did you say fostering? As in, we're not adopting her?"

"Yet," Camila says with warning in her voice, "I want to see how this girl interacts with the family, then we'll consider adoption."

Amy knows better than to argue. Getting Camila onboard to even _foster_ was a miracle in and of itself. She quietly thanks her step-mother and excuses herself from the room. She bolts up the stairs and into her room, already trying to visualize rearranging the space for Rosa. She hears Camila on the phone downstairs talking to Victor and for the first time since she's moved her, Amy has hope for her future.

"I'm saving that corner for you, Rosie." Amy looks over to the side by the window, her eyes misting as she remembers the way Rosa would sleep, curled up like a cat in the light of the sun. Amy moves to sit on her bed and she fingers the lapel of her jacket fondly.

A few moments later, she hears a knock on the door.

"Come in!" Amy calls out, looking up to see Tony walk through the door with a beaming grin on his face.

"What?" Amy asks, unable to stop herself from grinning back at the same intensity. Tony just shrugs and smirks.

"I think it's time for me to tell you 'I told you so', Santiago."

"For what?" Amy asks, chuckling as Tony waggles his brows.

"For showing you that I _am_ the family favourite after all."

* * * 

They wait for hours, sitting in the living room with their hands clasped over the laps in anticipation.

And then, the door clicks and Amy rises to her feet, her heart caught in her throat as she watches it swing open.

"Rosa?" Amy calls out as she watches footsteps walk in. Victor greets her with a sad smile before he turns and shuts the door behind him. She can hear Tony muttering in disbelief, but Camila hushes him and rushes the rest of the boys upstairs while Victor steps into the room.

"Where's Rosa?" Amy asks, peering behind the lumbering man to see if she was perhaps hiding, maybe waiting to surprise her?

"Amy," Victor sighs her name with a deep breath. "We need to talk, honey."

"No," Amy says, shaking her head as she takes a step back. "You told me you were getting Rosa. You told me--"

"Amy--"

"I promised her that I wouldn't leave her, I promised her, I--"

"Amy, Rosa's gone."

That quiets Amy instantly. Tears well in her eyes as she looks to Victor, aghast. "What do you mean she's gone?"

"Rosa moved homes," Victor tells her, "it's confidential information and I… I couldn't find her."

"You're a detective!" Amy cries out, her hands ripping through the threads of her sweater. "You have to find her, please!"

"Amy," Victor hums her name quietly, sadly, in defeat. "I am so, so sorry."

"Please," Amy begs again as she falls to her knees, "I need her… I need my big sister."

Victor kneels beside her and wraps his arms around her as she cries, sobbing into his shoulder and no doubt dampening his shirt. But Amy doesn't care because Rosa isn't coming home and Amy has never felt more alone in a house full of people. She wails into his shoulder, grieving the loss of a sister, of a family that kept Amy strong, safe, and sane through the entirety of her life. And now, she's all alone.

"I'm sorry," Victor rasps again, his own voice cracking as he squeezes her tighter, "I never should have left her there alone."

"No," Amy murmurs as she clutches onto his shirt and sniffles, "you shouldn't have."

* * * 

Amy progresses through the rest of her teen years in a blip.

She graduates valedictorian and highest of her class. She gains a full-ride scholarship to Brown for a duel-major in Honours Art History and Forensic Psychology, with a minor in Astrophysics. She leaves her home with a smile on a face and hope in her step, even if saying goodbye stung a little. She meets Kylie, her roommate, and the two of them hit it off instantaneously. They enrol in almost every extracurricular offered on campus, from Poetry Club to the Stenographers Club (which was mostly created by them--scratch that, entire created and solely existing of them). Amy breezes through her undergraduate degree with ease, finishing in three years instead of four due to the extra credit she'd attained doing AP classes in high school. She graduates magna cum laude and is the class speaker at her commencement.

And when she crosses the stage, Amy's entire family is there to watch her shine.

Everyone, but Rosa.

In her speech at the graduation party Victor and Camila throw for her, Amy toasts them both for their support.

And in private, when she's alone in the safety of her room, she toasts Rosa, for being the best role model a little sister could ever have.

* * * 

Following undergrad, Amy gets her Master of Arts in Antiquities Trafficking and Art Crime in Glasgow. 

Europe is nice, but it isn't quite like what she is used to. There is a constant smell of fish in the air, the clouds are always murky and grey, and more often than not, it's raining. But Amy loves the school and her professors and she finds inspiration in the combination of criminal justice and the history of art. She dives herself deep in books, reading upon other criminal cases, not always involving art.

It's then, that she realizes as she's sifting through old manuscripts, that Amy realizes that maybe academic life isn't for her.

While she loves reading and research, she wants to make a difference. She wants to change the lives of children and adolescents that are placed in the system and to fight against the standards set by police officers today. She always reads the news, the cases of police brutality directed against minorities is staggeringly high and Amy knows she can't make a difference behind a desk, smattered with papers.

So Amy finishes her degree, packs her bags, and heads home.

* * * 

"Ames, did you see the news?"

"Tony, I'm always watching the news," Amy says as she shuffles her phone to her ear. Her hands are full with a moving box until she sets it down in the hallway of her one-bedroom studio in Brooklyn. She hears Tony clear his throat on the other end of the line.

"Amy, seriously, you should see the news. Now."

"Fine," Amy grumbles as she reaches for the TV remote and turns the channel to CNN. When she sees the image that pops up, she almost drops her phone out of shock. She sits on the couch, gasping as the words the reporter blab on about muddle about in the background.

"Rosa," Amy breathes out as she reads the headline.

_First Female SEAL Recruit Promoted to Captain._

_"Captain Rosa Diaz has made history tonight,"_ the reporter's voice fades back into her hearing, " _following an undercover operation in Tibet, Captain Diaz managed to secure the execution of communist leader Tai Yang, the known war criminal that fled from the United Nations following his inhumane crimes involving torture, trafficking, and extortion. The death of Tai Yang brings about change and liberation for the Tibetan community. Captain Rosa Diaz and her team of special operatives in the Navy SEALs are being presented with the Navy Cross at the White House tomorrow night in honour of their momentous victory in liberating the oppressed nation."_

"That's her," Amy breathes out as tears mist in her eyes at the photo of Rosa looking stoic and impassive for the camera, "that's my Rosa."

At first, she's amazed that her big sister--her _protector_ \--now protects their country, their home. She knows that Rosa always wanted to do something that helped people, and while joining the military never seemed to be something Amy thought she'd be interested in, she can see it by the fierceness of Rosa's gaze in the photo. She feels a mixture of feelings; pride, for her accomplishments, but fear for her future. She knows that the SEALs offer the most rigorous training and the most brutal, gruelling missions. A part of her heart hurts when she realizes that Rosa will likely be on those missions, if not leading them herself. She looks to the photo and she swallows thickly, her eyes misting.

"That's my sister, Tone. She's… God," Amy breathes out, still in disbelief. "She looks… _amazing_."

"Yeah," Tony whistles on the other end. "Do you think she's single?"

Amy blinks back her tears and laughs--the first _real_ laugh she's had since she'd left Rosa back at the foster home.

"For you?" She replies with a soft chuckle. "Never."

* * * 

Amy is twenty-four when she shows up at the recruitment facility of the New York Police Department.

She registers herself for training and aces her exams with little to no difficulty. Instantaneously, she is placed at Brooklyn's ninety-eighth precinct as a beat cop. She works the streets and does her time, proving herself as the time goes by until she finally finds herself able to make the rank of detective. Victor throws her a party in celebration, taking pride in his only daughter following his own profession.

"I didn't do it because of you," Amy jokes as she clinks her glass with her father's own, "I did it to make a difference."

"And a difference you will make," Victor acknowledges proudly, beaming down at his daughter. "You're going to change the world, Ames."

"I hope so," Amy says wistfully, thinking of the news reel from years ago of one Captain Rosa Diaz. Victor sees the starry look in her eyes and smiles. He loops his arm around her shoulder and draws his daughter into his chest, pecking the top of her head gently.

"I know so, sweetheart."

* * * 

Amy's a thinker, that's for sure.

But Amy's also a do-er, and sometimes, being a do-er has its faults.

"So let me get this straight," Tony says as he stands beside her with a shit-eating grin on his face, "you chased a perp down a stairwell, caught him, and then tripped over a curb and sliced your hand open on a beer bottle?" Amy rolls her eyes as she clutches her bleeding hand with a towel (a towel now almost soaked with blood). Tony can't stop the tiny snorts of laughter from escaping his mouth as she groans.

"It's not funny, you ass."

"It's so funny," Tony chuckles. "You're a badass cop, but also a clutz. I can't believe you still caught the perp as he tried to run while your hand was the literal representation of Niagara Falls." Amy rolls her eyes and grumbles under her breath as she elbows his side.

"Ow," Tony mutters, "don't be a dick."

"You're a dick, Tone."

"No, you are."

"No, _you_ are."

"Enough," a voice interrupts them both. Amy and Tony look up to see the ER doctor look down at her with an exasperated expression. "I heard someone needed stitches for a cut palm?" Amy gulps and nods, removing the blooded towel to reveal the gnashed flesh with a grimace. Even Tony shudders and gags, turning away and muttering out a 'you're on your own, Ames' before he heads towards the entrance.

"I'll wrap it up quick," the ER says as he leads her to a private room, "I have a busy caseload today."

"Oh?" Amy responds, trying to make conversation (rather, trying to distract herself from the near gaping hole in her palm). "Why's that?"

The ER doctor gives her a look, a look that Amy knows well from her own past inquisitiveness. "Confidential."

"I don't need names," Amy tries to play off as smoothly as she can, "I'm a cop, by the way."

"Congratulations," the doctor replies unenthusiastically as he rubs the area around the wound with rubbing alcohol. Amy chokes.

"Yeah, it's great, real fun. I've had a blast, you know, stopping bad guys and stuff."

"Mhmm. There will be a slight pinch."

"I actually got this wound when I was arresting a perp," Amy blurts out when the needle goes in. "I was like Spiderman out there."

"I thought you fell after tripping on a curb."

"Oh," Amy rasps, "you heard that?"

"You were arguing loud enough for the doctor in the oncology wing to hear you, of course I did."

"I wasn't that loud," Amy mutters to herself, looking away from the careful threading in front of her. "Besides, I am sure my day is nothing compared to yours." The doctor sighs, pausing mid-stitch to look up at her with another exhausted expression, but Amy doesn't cave.

"I am just asking because I need a distraction," Amy tells him, "I… I am not really good with this kinda stuff."

"You're a cop," the doctor replies in a stiff tone. "You must see this on a regular basis."

"Not really," Amy says, looking away as the doctor keeps stitching. "I'm a detective now so it's mostly crime scene investigation and whatnot. I still chase perps, but only the ones I'm really looking for. You know, the higher level guys. Drug busts, breaking and entering, you know."

"Sure."

"Right, so tell me about your day!" Amy begs the doctor. The man rolls his eyes and sighs.

"Fine," he acquiesces begrudgingly, "we have a high level operative flown in. Military. We've called in doctor's from all over the country."

"Damn," Amy murmurs as she feels her shoulders tense, "what happened?"

"Unsure, just know that there were several patients brought in, all in critical condition. That's why it's a madhouse out there."

"For sure," Amy nods in agreement, remembering how everyone was bustling around more than usual. "I hope they get better."

The doctor finishes applying the gauze and wrapping to Amy's hand before he glances up with a tired look in his eye.

"I do too, Detective."

* * * 

When Amy goes home that day, she has a weird feeling in her gut.

She google searches the recent news of roadside bombings and military activity to see if she can figure out what the commotion was all about. She gets multiple results, and it makes her stomach sick to see so much death, until she finds the most recent news article about an pipe bomb IED that killed eighteen soldiers and maimed ten others in a skirmish near North Korea. The surviving soldiers were medically evacuated and then brought back to New York for advanced care and treatment following insufficient resources at their outpost.

She reads that some of the soldiers were Navy SEALs, but were not otherwise identified.

Amy hates the way her heart sinks and she prays to a god she isn't sure she believes in that Rosa isn't one of those soldiers.

* * * 

A few weeks later, Amy finds out her gut feeling was right as she reads headline on the local newspaper.

_Captain Rosa Diaz to Receive Medal of Honour at White House Following Heroic Actions in North Korean Bombing._

Amy speed reads through the article to see that Rosa is to be honourably discharged for her distinguished service but it only makes her heart hurt further. She knows enough from her father that a honourable discharge is usually due to soldiers being unfit to serve any longer, usually due to illness or injury. Rosa's still young, one of the youngest Captains--SEALs or not--so she knows that it isn't retirement.

That night, Amy stays glued to her computer screen, reading as much as she can about the explosive that nearly killed her sister.

It never eases her fear.

In fact, it only further solidifies it.

* * *

Amy watches the award-giving ceremony with Tony. She called him before it started, saying that she couldn't bear to watch it alone. He dropped everything and came, knowing that Rosa is a sensitive subject and this new development even more so.

"I'll give her one thing," Tony says softly as they watch the president make a speech about Rosa and her team, "she looks great."

"She's got a bruise under her jaw and a black eye, Tony. She looks like hell," Amy says, her voice trembling as she watches Rosa limp forward to accept her medal. There's something vacant in her gaze, something so sad and lost that makes Amy's heart wrench into itself like a dead spider. She curls her arm around the bomber jacket she never left, trying to seek comfort in the only memories of Rosa that she has.

When Rosa is given the podium to speak, Amy's heart stops.

 _"It's a great honour to be here tonight,"_ Rosa starts, her voice low and deep. It's so unlike the one that she remembers from her childhood, but it doesn't feel out of place. _"But, it's also rather solemn. The men who lost their lives deserve this award more than I ever will."_

Amy's eyes well with tears as she watches Rosa pause to clear her throat.

 _"I fought with some of the bravest, most determined and loyal individuals I have ever had the chance to meet. They risked their lives to save as many civilians as they could from the blast radius. Without their service and sacrifice, we would have encountered far more casualties than we have today. I have served with the SEALs for a short time, but I am honoured to have served as the captain of my squad for the duration of it. To them, I owe my life and my future. So, this medal is not for myself, but for my fellow soldiers, who gave me their all, and so much more,"_ Rosa says as she looks out into the crowd, her eyes misting slightly. _"And now, I request from you all, a moment of silence."_

Neither Amy nor Tony speak as Rosa stands tall, stoic, and unmoving at the podium for one whole minute.

And then, she walks back to her seat without another word. 

The rest of the president's presentations and speeches become nothing but muffled noise as Amy continues to stare at Rosa. She watches how Rosa remains sitting upright, staring into the crowd with impassivity and aloofness. She feels the tears dripping down her cheeks, and she's too shocked to do anything about them. She knows Tony can see them, but her step-brother doesn't find the words to tease her.

And then, after another moment of tense silence, Amy speaks.

"Do you think she would have been different if Dad had gone back for her the day he adopted me?"

It's a loaded question, and she can tell by the way Tony sucks in his breath that it won't be easy to answer. Amy finally musters up the strength to wipe the tears from her cheeks as she turns to him and chokes out, "do you think she would've been safer than she is now?"

"Ames," Tony rasps softly, leaning forward to rub her shoulder, "she's home. She's safe. She's not going anywhere."

"She is now," Amy agrees with a shake of her head, "but she wasn't before. Look at her, Tony. Look at what happened to her."

They both glance to where Rosa continues to survey the room, the sullen bags under eyes and emptiness in her gaze barely noticeable to the public. But it's noticeable for Amy, and her chest tightens when she sees Rosa look into the camera for a second, as if they were looking at each other once again. It takes everything in Amy to not jump in through the screen and wrap Rosa in a tight hug, to protect her.

"War changes people," Tony replies quietly, "it changed Dad. I don't doubt it changed Rosa, too."

Amy wants to disagree, but she knows that he's right.

And that's what hurts the most, she thinks.

* * *

Amy doesn't hear anything about Rosa for another three years.

She tries her best to search, but even with her detective skills, she turns up with nothing. She keeps praying, each and every day, that Rosa is safe and unharmed, that she is living a peaceful life in a quaint apartment with maybe a significant other or a pet, or perhaps both. She worries, but soon she begins to realize that the odds of finding Rosa in the city are slim to none, so she lessens her search and focuses on her career. Amy works her cases hard, improving her arrest numbers until she is the top detective in the squad by a long shot.

And then, her life gets turned around.

"The Nine-Nine?" Amy gawks at her captain. "They're like… amazing. Their COMPSTAT scores are higher than any other precinct."

"Which is why they'd best be suited with your skills," her captain replies with a smile, "congratulations, Detective Santiago."

* * *

Amy gathers her things and says her goodbyes, her heart racing as she makes the short drive over to the new precinct she's been promoted to work in. She parks her car in the underground lot and picks up her bag and her box and makes the short trip in the elevator towards the fourth floor. Once the door opens, Amy takes in the sights of the eclectic bullpen of the Nine-Nine. It's loud, but not chaotic, and Amy loves it already. She's walking towards the captain's office when she hears her name being called. She turns her head to see a lumbering man with muscles threatening to burst from his shirt walking over to her with a wide grin on his face and a hand outstretched.

"You must be Detective Amy Santiago, right?" He greets warmly. "I'm your sergeant. Terry Jeffords."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Sergeant Jeffords, I'm so excited to be working with you," Amy gushes, pulling her hand back. "This is… _wow_."

"It's a busy day today," Terry laughs as he looks around, "but, it's perfect because the squad is mostly here. Just waiting on two detectives and then I will introduce you to everyone. Why don't you go ahead and set your stuff down on that desk right in front of the one labelled _Jake Peralta_. I think he'll be happy to have a new desk mate. Don't worry, he's a good kid. A bit goofy, but dedicated to his job."

"Thank you," Amy says as she walks over at sets her box down. She's about to start setting her things down when Terry calls her back, letting her know that the last two detectives are heading up the elevator and will be here anytime soon. She walks over and stands beside him, straightening her shirt and subtly checking her breath before standing straight and facing out towards the bullpen.

When the elevators ding, Amy is bemused by a frosted-tip looking man with a boyish grin come waltzing in bragging about the latest perp he had just caught. She didn't catch a good luck of his partner, a woman with curly hair, locking up the perp in the holding cell.

"Ahem," Terry clears his throat, getting the attention of the precinct. Amy looks to the sergeant with a smile. "I'd like to introduce you to the newest member of our squad. She just transferred here from the nine-eight, so be nice." The crowd chuckles, and Amy laughs with them.

But then, she turns her gaze back to the crowd, only to have her heart fall to her feet and her lungs cease their function at the sight of a woman who she'd thought had long since become a ghost in her world. She hears Terry introducing her, but she doesn't at the same time.

Everything tunes out because all she sees is _Rosa_.


	3. Reunited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amy and Rosa find each other again, several years later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY ARE IN SUCH PAIN MY BABIES but don't worry it gets lighter after awhile.

After Terry introduces Amy to everyone, he lets her get settled into the precinct while Rosa stares, her mouth ajar.

But even after his instruction, Amy keeps looking at Rosa and Rosa can't breathe--hell, she hasn't even moved since Terry called her younger sister's name minutes ago. It was a name Rosa spent so long thinking she would never hear or see again, and it shocks her.

"What's up with you?" Jake asks, interrupting her thought as he chews on a bagel. "You look like you've seen a ghost, Diaz."

"I just did," Rosa murmurs as she turns away from his desk, ignoring the follow-up questions Jake asks. She makes her way over to where Amy is still standing, staring at her with wide, tear-filled eyes. Rosa stands in front of her, noting that their height difference still exists. She's frozen for a moment, just caught in the moment of realizing that this is Amy, her little sister is right here at last.

"Amy," Rosa says, her voice cracking. "Amy, I--"

Before she can even finish whatever she was going to say, Amy throws her arms around Rosa's shoulders and hugs her tightly. Rosa can't help but wind her arms around Amy's back, regardless of her reputation. She can hear the silence of the bullpen but none of it matters. Rosa burrows her head into Amy's shoulder and holds her tighter, willing herself not to cry when she hears Amy gasp her name.

"I can't believe you're here," Amy whispers, clutching her back and crying into her shoulder. "I never thought I'd see you again."

"Me neither," Rosa chokes out, chuckling as she closes her eyes. "I… I'm so happy that you're safe. I thought I'd lost you."

"Um, not to break up this truly momentous experience of watching Rosa show an astonishing degree of emotion, but what is going on?"

Both women break away to see Gina peering at them curiously from her desk. Rosa clears her throat and blinks back her tears, but she doesn't know why she bothers, considering that Gina has always been one to see through all of her tells. Amy shuffles awkwardly, looking up to Rosa to see if the older woman wants to explain. Rosa clears her throat and nods, noticing now that Jake, Charles, and Terry joining them at the desk. Amy stays pressed to her side, and Rosa smiles slightly at how familiar it all feels, having Amy back at her side.

"Amy and I grew up together in the system," Rosa explains as she looks to her sister. "We were foster sisters for most of our lives."

"The Nine-Nine bringing families together… this is such a moment," Charles exclaims as he walks up and hugs them both. "We should go to lunch, on me. When the Boyle cousins get together, it's such a big deal. I haven't even met the southern side of the council!"

"Aw," Terry chimes in, his smile growing bigger than his biceps. "Terry loves love. This is so great that you're reunited." Jake nods, but he's grinning wider and he's eyes flash with mischief as he glances between the two of them. He points at Rosa enthusiastically.

"But more importantly," he interludes, smirking in Rosa's direction. " _Amy_ can give us the dirt on childhood Rosa. Was she into the colour pink? Secretly had a Barbie house and played dress-up?" Rosa punches him in the arm before he has the chance to ask another question. Amy just giggles and reaches down to lightly squeeze Rosa's hand, releasing some of the tension in the older woman's shoulders.

"Listen," Rosa says as she nods to the group, "we'll field questions about this later, but for right now let's just get Amy settled in, okay?"

"Yes, there are too many of you at my desk and Charles your boiled pigs' feet breath is stinking up the Gina-Zone," Gina mutters, shooing them all away with a knowing smirk in Rosa's direction. The crowd disperses immediately and Rosa looks to Amy with an uncertain glance.

"Do you… um, maybe want to take an early lunch break with me?" Rosa asks, biting her lip. "I just thought we could… you know, catch up."

Amy nods, squeezing her hand again before she looks to Gina. "I mean, if that's okay with you? If we're needed here we can hang back."

"I mean I _am_ the boss," Gina drawls lazily, "but I suppose I could let you kids go for a quick break, only if Rosa does that weird smile again."

"You're not the boss--and _never_ ," Rosa quips back with an arched brow. "I don't smile and I never will."

"Hey," Gina guffaws, "I need something for your blackmail folder. I have squat on you, girl."

"And you'll always have squat."

"Not with this new lovely addition," Gina says happily as she turns to Amy, looking her up and down. "What did you say your name was again? Alan? You look like an Alan, I think."

"My name is Amy," Amy corrects with a frown, "how was _Alan_ your best guess? That's not even a girl's name."

"Gender is a social construction," Gina says, waving her off. "We are all just sexless beings, existing in this cosmic rules, making up arbitrary rules that we then implement for generations and generations without question. It really makes you question life as a whole, you know?"

"Still," Amy says, and Rosa hides her laugh when she sees the perplexed look on her face. "Alan is pretty far off from Amy."

"I'm a civilian administrator-slash-dance legend-slash-life guru, not a mind-reader," Gina quips, before pausing. "Although, I could--"

"Alright Gina," Rosa sighs as she tugs on Amy's hand. "We're leaving now. Bye."

"Mhmm, get it girl."

Amy looks between them and mutters, "gross."

* * * 

"So," Rosa says as she plays with the wrapper of her hotdog. "How long have you been in Brooklyn?"

Amy looks down at her own half-eaten hot dog and swallows thickly. "About five, maybe six years now? I went to Glasgow for a year and a half to complete a Master's in Antiquities Trafficking and Art Crime. It's… different from America, that's for sure. It's rainy and everyone is kinda grumpy but also nice? It really depends on the weather, I think. So… I guess, mostly grumpy because of rain. But, yeah, I did my undergrad at Brown, graduated early, and then headed off to Europe. It was a relatively interesting adventure." Rosa smiles and nods.

"I told you that you were going to do great things," Rosa says as she leans back on the bench. "Now look at you, Detective."

"I could say the same about you," Amy replies back, turning in her seat to flash Rosa a proud smile. " _Captain_ Rosa Diaz."

But, when Amy was expecting a smile in return, she's rather shocked to see the happiness leave Rosa's eyes almost instantly. It's like her entire body deflates at the mention of her time served in the military, and Amy can't help but think back to what Tony had told her. Rosa's eyes shift downwards and her fingers tremble ever so slightly. The sight almost makes Amy want to tug at Rosa's jacket and hold her tightly. Despite the urge to just wrap Rosa in her arms and protect her from the harshness of the world, she knows that Rosa has never reached for that. Even when they'd been together in the group home, Rosa never sought affection, and would only let herself be touched if Amy needed to be comforted or soothed. And to Amy, that's the shard of sadness that hurts her the most, that Rosa--touch-starved and vulnerable Rosa--never felt that she deserved to be hugged, to be held, to be protected. Rosa was always the protector, the leader, the inspirer.

And now, when she looks at Rosa, she only sees a shell of all of that.

(And perhaps, this is what stings Amy the most about their absence).

"I… guess you heard about that, huh?" Rosa chuckles sadly as she looks away. "It was… it… well…"

"We don't have to talk about it," Amy hums quietly, reaching out to gently squeeze Rosa's hand. She can see the visible tension etching itself upon her older sister's face and she feels guilty for having dredged Rosa through unpleasant memories. "I'm sorry I brought it up."

"It's fine. I was discharged years ago so I've worked through most of it, it's just… I haven't really talked to anyone about it. I'm just… I don't think I'm there yet," Rosa replies as she clears her throat, "Besides, I figured we could keep this conversation on the lighter side… I guess."

"Right," Amy agrees as she sets her hot dog down on her lap. "Totally. Light and breezy."

"That's not an expression."

"Well, it is now. I will make it one and it'll catch on, just you watch. Remember I made Annie say 'cool beans' before the beans were cool?"

Rosa chuckles, shaking her head as she leans back on the bench again. Amy follows her lead, shuffling a little closer as they watch the people of Brooklyn go about their daily business. Amy looks between them and Rosa, as if still caught in disbelief that this moment is here.

"I wanted to come back," she blurts out suddenly, wincing as she speaks. "I wanted to come back for you, but Dad… he…"

A look of recognition falls over Rosa's face, followed by a glimpse of disappointment before the older woman offers a sad smile.

"It's fine," Rosa says with a shrug, "I was more worried about you, but your dad seemed sweet. I'm glad you found him."

"I hated him for a few years," Amy replies, picking at the corner of her shirt. "He told me that since you weren't a Santiago, you weren't my sister, but I didn't give up. It took me four months of convincing to get them to go back to Ms. Miriam's to get you."

"And by that time, I was gone." Rosa finishes the statement with a slow breath, her eyes closing. "I… I thought you didn't want me--"

"Never," Amy interrupts boldly, taking Rosa's hands in her own and squeezing as she opens her eyes. "I love you, Rosie. I wasn't going to give up on you, no way in hell. When I first saw you on the TV, receiving that medal, I… I _knew_ I had to find you. But… I couldn't."

Amy sucks in a deep breath before she chuckles sadly. "Some detective I am, huh?"

"You wouldn't have liked what you found," Rosa replies, unlatching their hands and looking away. "I… I wasn't in a good place then."

Amy swallows deeply, feeling her heart twist inside her chest. "I'm sorry, Rosa. I… I never wanted to leave you. I need you to know that."

There's a moment of silence before Rosa turns her head and nods, her eyes watery as she murmurs, "I know, Santiago. I love you."

"I love you too," Amy replies, extending her arms and wrapping her arms around Rosa. "I missed you so much, Rosa. So much."

* * * 

The weeks that pass aren't awkward, per say, but they're heavy with tension.

Rosa doesn't talk to Amy about her personal life, and she knows it drives Amy insane. But this is the Amy she knows, and for that she feels slightly grateful. She loves Type-A, overly-eager Amy more than she does serious and downtrodden. She loves watching her get riled up because Amy has always been and will always be the most passionate and dedicated person she's ever known. Even though she's not ready to open up yet about things that happened in her past, Rosa is grateful that there is an open door for her to do so when she is.

Even if that open door is insanely chatty and a bit of a goody two-shoes.

(But truthfully, Rosa wouldn't have it any other way.)

"So," Charles drawls from beside her in the break room, bringing Rosa back to the present. "What's with Amy? Is she single?"

"I'll cut this short. She would never go out with you in a million years," Rosa bluntly tells him, kicking her feet up on the table as she closes the lid of her empty container. "Amy's a go-getter and a perfectionist, and while you're a brilliant, but sometimes questionable cook, I think your sloppiness and disorganization will be the ultimate turn-off." Charles laughs and shakes his head, taking a bite of his fried fish balls.

"It's not for me," Charles says as he swallows, "it's for Jake."

Rosa swings her legs off the desk and stands over the man in an instant. "Jake Peralta? No way in hell, Boyle. Listen, Jake is my friend but he is nowhere near good enough for Amy. He's not responsible, he makes everything a joke, he's messy, in debt, and incredibly immature."

"But--"

"No buts," Rosa seethes through gritted teeth, "I don't want you setting them up. Got it?"

"Rosa--"

"I said. Got. It?" Rosa demands, leaning back to cross her arms. Charles sighs and nods reluctantly.

"Got it."

"Good. Now, let's go find this Lady Foot Locker bandit McGintley assigned us. God, I always hate getting the weird ones."

"Don't diss the lady," Charles chirps as he finishes his last fish ball. "I buy my sneakers from there."

Rosa frowns, arching her brow. "I said _Lady_ Foot Locker, Charles."

"I know," Charles nods in agreement as he hikes up his pants to show off his shoes. "They're very comfortable, affordable, and chic."

"Charles, don't ever use the word chic."

"Why? It's either that or succulent--"

"Alright, we're going."

* * * 

"So…," Jake trails off as he looks over his desk to where Amy is typing up her report into the computer. "What about her favourite animal?"

"I already told you, Jake, you can ask me whatever you want I will not tell you anything about Rosa."

"Please," Jake whines as he leans over on the desk. "She has so much she knows about me. It's unfair."

Amy's fingers pause while typing as she looks over at him pointedly. "And did you tell her these things, or did she ask?"

"Well obviously _I_ told her," Jake guffaws, throwing his hands up in exasperations. "The only question Rosa's ever asked me is if I had a pen she could borrow. She's like an enigma. A really tall, terrifying, violent, aggressive, and mysterious enigma." Amy rolls her eyes, but part of her is happy that Rosa is still relatively similar to when they'd been kids. No one had ever really known much about her then, either.

Aside from Amy, of course.

"What about her favourite colour," Jake pleads this time, "does Rosa even like colour?"

Amy rolls her eyes at him and ignores his incessant questioning until he realizes that she isn't giving him any attention. She knows that his heart is in the right place, and that he doesn't ever really make jokes that go too far, but sometimes she just doesn't get it. If there's a messy case, he'll crack a joke that isn't always appropriate. They never really make anyone laugh, except himself really. It's a weird tic he has.

Since she's come to the nine-nine, Amy has figured out most people's personalities. Gina is the sarcastic chirper that loves to point out how drab her outfits are and deals the precinct the latest celebrity gossip like that is her only job. Charles is sweet but a bit over the top sometimes, and she does question his stomach and intestine's ability to digest some of the food he eats. Terry can be intimidating when he needs to be, but he never raises his voice around any of the women, especially Rosa. And Hitchcock and Scully are easily two of the most disgusting people Amy has ever encountered, but somehow through their sloppiness and varying fungi, they get their work done.

It's an eclectic mix of people, but as Amy peers out over the bullpen and looks around, she thinks she just might like sticking around.

"Okay, what about nicknames?" Jake's voice pipes up again and Amy rolls her eyes with a good-natured jest. She doesn't answer and Jake's eyes light up immediately. He leans forward and grins like he's just unravelled the mystery of the universe. "That's not a no," he says as he eagerly begins listing various nicknames. "Rose Garden? Kiss From a Rose? Rosebud? Rosalinda? Rosinta? Roseanne?"

Amy scrunches up at his suggestions. "Those are all longer than her name, Jake. Do you know what a nickname is?"

"Rosie!" Jake exclaims and Amy blushes, turning away instantly. "Oh my god, her nickname is Rosie! That's too funny."

"I never said it was," Amy argues back, but her tone is flustered and she knows she's given it away. "I didn't even say anything."

"You didn't have to," Jake beams as he rises from her chair and looks for Rosa. "Now, I _finally_ have something on Rosa."

"I wouldn't call her that if I were you," Amy points out as she watches Rosa finish locking up a perp in holding before making her way over to the middle of the bullpen. "She'll probably punch you, or worse. Rosa was a scrapper back in the day. It doesn't look like that's changed."

"With a name like Rosie?" Jake scoffs with a grin. "There's no way."

"There's no way what?" Rosa asks as she approaches them, looking between her and Jake warily. "What's up, Peralta?"

"I just figured out some dirt on you," Jake sing-songs, doing a stupid little dance as he points at her. "Your nickname from years ago?"

"Oh really?" Rosa asks, looking over at Amy with an amused expression. "What was it, Jake?"

"Rosie," Jake blurts out before laughing, "they called you Rosie--ow!"

Jake doubles over after Rosa removes her fist from his stomach and leans back casually. He collapses to his knees, wheezing and groaning in pain. Rosa sends Amy smirk before she kneels down beside him and whispers, "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. What did they call me?"

"Nothing," Jake croaks as he cradles his stomach, "they called you nothing."

"Good," Rosa says as she stands up and nods to Amy. "Now I'm gonna run. I've gotta file this Lady Foot Locker bandit."

Without another word, Rosa turns and walks off in the direction of her desk and Amy can't stop the laughter that leaves her lips. Jake only groans and mutters about how he'll never ask Rosa a question again. Amy looks down to poor Jake still in agony and shrugs her shoulders. 

"I told you so."

* * * 

Working with Amy is not the same as growing up with her, Rosa decides.

They're handed their first case together on Amy's second month of the job: a ruthless killer who built himself a meth empire. 

Rosa's been appointed primary, and Amy has been chosen to be her secondary, despite her arguing with Captain McGintley. The man looks and acts like Santa Claus most of the time, but oddly enough today he chose to be the day he actually takes initiative with his work. He assigns her the case and orders her to make use of Amy as a secondary, praising her skills as a detective and wanting to challenge her.

"Sergio Mindar," Rosa mutters the name as she reviews the file. "Sounds like a piece of work."

"I've never really run a perp as big as this guy," Amy gulps from beside her. "He seems… tough."

"Says here he gouged the victim's eye out with a melon baller before killing him," Rosa reads, arching her brow. In the background she hears Jake chirp, ' _noice_ ' before giving Charles a high five. She sees Amy look at them with a disturbing, wide-mouthed gasp, and it only makes her stomach churn in anxiety even further. Rolling her eyes at the boys, Rosa sets down the case file and reaches for her back pack and helmet.

"You ride a motorcycle?" Amy asks, as Rosa tucks the file in her bag before swinging it over her shoulder. "How am I seeing this now?"

"Got it when I was discharged," Rosa says with a smile, glancing at her helmet. "It was a gift from an old CO of mine."

"Wow," Amy says as she looks over Rosa's get-up warily. "And you're just going to ride it… like that."

"Like what?"

"Like, with no protective gear or elbow pads--"

"Elbow pads?" Rosa chuckles. "Amy, I'm not a toddler. I've ridden far more dangerous vehicles, trust me."

That seems to shut Amy up and Rosa hates the expression she wears as soon as the words leave her mouth. Rosa knows that their relationship is still awkward, paved mostly by the missing years since their last meeting. There are things she doesn't know about Amy, and there are things that Amy doesn't know about herself. It will take time to get back to feeling normal, but feelings aren't quite Rosa's thing.

"Sorry," Rosa apologizes as she runs her thumb over the side of her helmet. "It's just… I'm experienced with riding. You don't have to worry."

"Right," Amy says, avoiding her gaze. "Sorry, I just… yeah. I'll take the car and meet you at the crime scene."

Rosa pauses a moment before she sighs and puts the helmet back on the desk, before looking up at Amy with a subtle smirk.

"Come on, dork. We'll take your car."

* * *

Amy's seen blood and gore, but nothing quite like this.

She treads lightly into the room after Rosa, knowing that since she's the secondary on this case she'd best let Rosa stick to the lead. But right now, as she looks at the stiffened back of her older sister, she knows that Rosa doesn't want to be here as much as she does. The crime scene is grim, bleak, and the air is stiff with the scent of death. Her heartbeat pounds in her ear and her mouth goes dry when she sees the body covered with a white sheet, surrounded by the splatter of blood on the carpet and the walls of the living room.

"You must be Detective Diaz," one of the police officers greets Rosa, "I'm Lukas Greenwich. This here is Martin Ford, forty-five, recently divorced, and not-so recently unemployed. We got the call after the neighbour reported a weird smell coming from across the hall."

"Thanks," Rosa says as she kneels and pulls back the sheet to reveal the gruesome and bloodied face of the victim. "Time of death?"

"EMTs said probably this morning," Lukas says as Rosa pulls the sheet back over the man. "Coroner's on their way."

"Good," Rosa replies as she stands and notions to Amy. "You check the bedroom and I'll take the kitchen."

Reluctant to part ways so soon, Amy goes to protest, but before she can, Rosa is already turning in the direction of the kitchen. Sighing, Amy bolsters her courage and makes her way into the victim's bedroom. She notes the disorganized clutter, the stacks of paperwork in the bathtub, and the general disgusting mold and array of the room. The sheets on the bed are ruffled, so Amy quickly takes out her little baggie and gloves and dusts for skin cells and other forms of DNA. She takes her time running through the various files on the bed.

"Find anything?" Rosa's voice pipes in from the doorway, causing Amy to startle slightly. Amy gathers herself and nods, pointing to the file.

"Looks like he was trying to find a place for long-term storage," Amy says as Rosa takes the files. "Judging by the date and the price of the box he rented, it didn't seem like it was a well-thought decision, but rather a hasty one. He moved his belongings the same day he bought it. I just think it's rather suspicious." Amy watches as Rosa mulls over the information before she nods and hands the file back.

"Take it back to the bullpen and file a report with Terry," Rosa tells her as she turns for the door, "I'll head out for that storage facility."

"I can come with you," Amy blurts out, causing Rosa to turn around and arch her brow. "I mean, I want to go with you."

"I don't think you're going to like what we're going to find," Rosa tells her, crossing her arms. "The guy wasn't a victim. He was an accomplice. The deal went down wrong and Sergio came after him. The body is fresh and the safe in the kitchen is broken open."

"Are you thinking drugs?" Amy asks. "Meth isn't life-threatening, Rosa. Your motorcycle is more dangerous than that."

Rosa arches her brow again, silent. Amy rolls her eyes. "Fine, it's not more dangerous but it's _still_ dangerous. A car is way safer, Rosa."

"You're really not going to let that go, are you?"

"Whatever," Amy mutters, "at least I have airbags."

"Yeah, I'm looking at one right now."

The quip pulls a smile to Amy's face, even if the situation is bizarre and she's still terrified of what she will find in the storage locker. She's praying for old files--hell, she's even praying for meth, but the look on Rosa's face earlier when she explained the relationship of the victim to the perp, she knows that it's not going to be something pretty. Rosa's stoicism is admirable, but it leaves Amy worried sometimes that the wordlessness and compartmentalization will leave her in worse state down the road. Still, she trusts Rosa and nods, following her lead.

"Fine," Amy finally decides to bite back, "but don't come crying to me when you're flying off your handlebars down a highway."

"Gallows humour," Rosa snorts as she turns and heads for the door. "Now you're learning, Santiago."

* * * 

Going to the storage locker with Amy is a mistake.

Rosa hates when her gut is right, and right now, staring at pile of mutilated and garbage-bag covered corpses in a U-Haul somewhere off in the bay district, she really hates it. She stays on the phone with the crime scene cleaners and the coroner's office as she holds Amy's hair back while she retches in the alley. The smell is permeating throughout the area, and it takes everything in Rosa to not gag at the scent. She doesn't have to look inside the bags to know that the bodies have already started to bloat and decompose, meaning they aren't fresh.

But the bodies don't scare her, and that thought in and of itself, is terrifying.

Rosa feels nothing as she looks to the crime scene, watching as the coroners pull out the corpses from the bags and examine them. She sends Amy back to the precinct and even though she tries to argue, Rosa is firm this time. She gets one of the officers to escort Amy to the precinct so she can take the detective car back when she's done with the investigation. She works with the medical examiner and the cops from the local precinct on the site, jotting down notes about each victim's name, information about their death, and their tie to Sergio.

When she's done, she flips her notepad shut and gets into her car.

For awhile she just sits there, staring ahead at the lighthouse. Death should bother her. Death should make her cringe and vomit and cry and rage. But no, even years after she came home from the war, Rosa still feels numb in the face of death.

When she looks in the rearview mirror, she doesn't see her own reflection.

All she sees is _El Diablo_.

* * * 

"There were bodies?" Jake asks as Amy sits at her desk, still in shock. "Like just casually there or what?"

"Like dead, Jake. When do 'bodies' ever mean alive?" Terry chimes in from the back, shaking his head as he walks over. "You okay, Santiago?"

"I'm fine," Amy stammers out as she looks up at him. "I just… I've never seen anything like that before and I guess it freaked me out."

"Where's Rosa?" Gina asks from her desk, suddenly interested in their conversation. "She didn't ride with you?"

There's an odd tone of concern in her voice, but no one but Amy picks up on it. She turns in her chair, ready to answer, when she's interrupted by the sound of Hitchcock and Scully arguing over a missing bottle of peanut butter. Terry mutters something and bounds off to go diffuse the situation. Amy smiles, glad for the relief of tension, before she turns back to Gina and opens her mouth, ready to reply.

"Well--"

"I'm right here," Rosa's deep voice cuts her off before she can reply. Amy and Gina look up to see Rosa toss her jacket on her desk. Amy stands and goes to walk over to her when she feels a tug on her arm. She looks down to see Gina shake her head.

"Not yet," Gina says as she nods over to Rosa. "Give her a minute."

Amy, usually turned off by Gina's constant snark and sarcasm, finds herself listening intently. She sits back down and gets back to work, glancing every so often over in Rosa's direction. Her older sister's expression is blank, but Amy can tell by her tensed shoulders she's upset. Every inch of her is begging to go over and talk to her, but she knows that deep down, Gina is right. The methods that used to work when they were kids might not be as effective now. She also knows that Tony is right too, that somewhere during her stint in the military, Rosa was affected by whatever she went through, and that maybe she still is. She keeps reminding herself about the news clip, of Rosa's speech and the vacant gaze as she'd accepted the medal.

Maybe her Rosa wasn't the same Rosa she once knew and loved.

But Amy will be damned if she can't love the new one, too.

* * *

"It's getting late, aren't you supposed to be getting into your bat cocoon now so you can hibernate?"

"So much of that is incorrect," Rosa sighs as she glances up at Gina leaning over her desk. "Bats are nocturnal and they don't hibernate."

"Not all bats hibernate, but some do. They turn into little furry balls and sleep forever."

"Are you calling me a furry ball?"

Gina chuckles and Rosa's lips curl into a small smile as she looks down at her paper work. Gina walks around the desk and plops herself into the chair beside it, keeping quiet until Rosa finishes up the last bit of work. She fiddles with her phone and waits patiently for Rosa to talk.

"You know," Rosa starts as she glances over to the other woman, "I don't know why you're here."

Gina doesn't look up from whomever she's texting as she drawls, "Rosa, precious Rosa, don't be coy with Mama Gina."

"Gina," Rosa sighs. "I've had a long and rather tiring day. Cut it out; what do you want?"

Gina looks up from her phone and gives Rosa a serious look. "For you to know that your sister from an-unrelated-mister is worried for you."

"Why?" Rosa replies hastily as she looks away. "She has no reason to be. _I_ was the one worried about _her_. This case is… bloody."

"No doubt, no doubt. It's why I'm back here just making sure the world keeps up to date with my tweets and not out there shoving my fingers into someone's rectal cavity in search for a murder weapon," Gina says with a grimace. Rosa sighs, bemused as well as tired.

"That was one time and it wasn't even me, it was Charles. We all know he's into that crap."

"Oh, funny! You should tell that one to Jake, I'm sure he'll appreciate it."

"Gladly."

"Besides," Gina says as she taps at her phone again, "my job is far more important. A Gina-less world is an apocalyptic one."

"Your _job_ is to make sure the precinct runs smoothly," Rosa says back, not looking up from the file. "Or is that the optional part?"

"Optional, definitely optional," Gina replies instantaneously. "But my talents are hidden, sweet Rosa. I'm like a ninja when I work."

Rosa chuckles and sets the file in her drawer before locking it. She glances around at the rest of the precinct to see that most of the night shift have arrived. Amy is clearing up her things and putting on her jacket, meanwhile Jake and Charles already left for the bar with Terry. When she looks to the front of the bullpen, she sees that Hitchcock and Scully are asleep, but she doesn't feel like waking them.

"You should go home," Gina speaks again, this time in a more serious tone. "You look like Kim Kardashian without make-up on."

"Is that meant to be an insult or a compliment?"

"Oh Rosa, you wound me."

Rosa shakes her head and sighs, looking to her computer. "I'll leave in an hour. I have some work to… finish up."

"Yeah, no. You're gonna go home now or I'm taking you home, girl. Although… that wouldn't be a bad idea either."

"Alright that's enough," Rosa says with a perfectly-timed eye roll. "I'm heading home. I'll see you tomorrow, Gina."

Gina grins. "Talk to Amy, Diaz. Don't bottle up your feelings or else you're gonna turn into a balloon. One hot, sexy, Latina balloon."

Rosa grunts half-heartedly, although the comment does bring an amused smile to her lips. "Goodbye, Gina."

"Don't pop, you sexy balloon!"

* * * 

Amy's just about to crawl into bed when she hears a knock on her door.

Considering how late it is and the area where she lives, Amy finds herself reaching for her gun as she approaches the locked door. She peers through the peep hole to see Rosa standing outside her door with her arm propped up against the frame. Amy frowns, setting down her gun on the drawer beside the door before unlocking it and swinging it open. Rosa startles slightly before she smiles and nods in greeting.

"Amy," Rosa says as she stands straighter. Amy crosses her arms and peers at her in concern.

"Rosa," she greets back suspiciously. "Are you alright? You're here awfully late. Did something happen?"

"No, no. I just…," Rosa trails off, her gaze drifting to the floor as she gathers the words. She takes a breath before she glances back up and says, "I was thinking about today, and how I handled it. I shouldn't have brought you to the storage locker, but that's not the real problem. I should have checked in with you to make sure you were alright and I didn't. I'm used to being a lone wolf on my cases and it was… weird having a secondary again. The last time I had a secondary it was Jake and all he did was make puns about the victim's moustache."

"He's not particularly… sensitive," Amy fishes for the right word. Rosa chuckles and Amy beams at the sound.

"No," Rosa says as she stuffs her hands into her pockets. "He's a goofy dummy, but he gets the job done. Besides, the jokes? It's how he copes. This job… this precinct, specifically, it sees some really messed up stuff. Jake deals with it in a different way than Charles, or Terry, or even Hitchcock and Scully--honestly, I don't even know what those two do. They've always been a mystery to me. They're ancient." Amy chuckles at that and nods, realizing from day one that those two were more into desk work than being out in the field. 

"Come inside," Amy beckons noticing the slight prickling of goosebumps on Rosa's skin. "The hallway's heating is disabled and it's the middle of winter. I'll make you coffee… or tea?" Amy asks as she ushers Rosa into her home. The older woman smiles at that slightly.

"I'll have a herbal tea if you have it," she replies as she pries off her jacket and coat and slips them on the hook by the door. "I'm not a big coffee drinker… it doesn't let me sleep well." Amy watches her bite her lip and she knows that Rosa wanted to say more, but didn't.

But she won't push. Not tonight, at least.

"I have some," Amy replies as she bounds off towards the kitchen. "Make yourself comfortable on the couch."

"You don't need help?" Rosa asks, hesitant. Amy turns her head over her shoulder and shakes her head.

"No, just relax. I'll be there in a minute."

"Copy that," Rosa says and Amy hears her sit down on the sofa. She turns her head slightly to see Rosa holding a family photo album of her father and step-mother, alongside her step-brothers at her party a years ago. A part of her heart breaks when she sees the faint curl of Rosa's lip into a smile, but it disappears as soon as Rosa puts the frame back on the little stand and turns to gaze around the room.

"This is a nice place," Rosa comments as Amy puts water in the kettle and takes out two mugs. "It's… quaint."

"Well, it's Brooklyn, so it's as quaint as it can be considering where I live."

"I hear that," Rosa replies in a distant voice. "My… um… my apartment is only a few blocks north of here."

"Oh?" Amy asks as she turns to face Rosa. "Jake said that no one knows where you live."

Rosa smirks at that, chuckling lightly. "I'm a pretty private person. I don't think any of them know a thing about me."

"No wonder they seemed happy to meet me," Amy smiles back as she brings the now steaming cups of tea over to where Rosa's sitting. "But don't worry, I won't dish anything to them. I keep secrets better now." Rosa smiles at that, nodding silently as she sips on her tea. Amy watches her, noting the way Rosa's eyes shift to the various entries and exits of the building, the windows, and the objects around her.

It breaks her heart.

"You know," Amy says, unable to stop herself. "If you don't want to talk about the case, you don't have to. You don't have to talk about anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. I just… I want you to know that you're safe here, with me. And _I'm_ sorry about today. I wasn't ready and you knew it, and I still made you take me along. I guess… I just wanted to impress you and show you that I can handle it."

Rosa's quiet for a moment before she sets the tea down and turns to Amy with a solemn expression. "I wasn't disappointed in you, Amy."

"I threw up and had to leave," Amy scoffs bitterly, running her finger along the edge of her cup. "I was a total coward today."

"You were human," Rosa urges instead. "What we saw today was something out of a horror movie. I'm surprised you're not more shocked."

" _You_ aren't shocked," Amy says, glancing up in time to catch Rosa wince. But she can't stop herself, "Rosa, you weren't even affected. It was like that was just another walk in the park for you. I mean there were four bodies in trash bags and blood everywhere, I just don't get it--"

"Amy," Rosa warns as she stiffens on the couch. "I _was_ affected. I just… I've learned to react better."

"What does that even mean, Rosa?" Amy asks, her voice trembling as she feels her eyes water. "Those people were _slaughtered_ , Rosa."

"Look, I've seen worse, alright?" Rosa snaps suddenly, standing from her seat as she takes to pacing back and forth in front of Amy. "I've seen far worse than four bodies in garbage bags and a man with his eye scooped out. I've seen worse and _that's_ why I can react better." Amy can't stop the tears from tracking down her cheeks as Rosa's voice cracks. "Why do you think they want me on these cases? I have the most amount of experience dealing with that level of grotesqueness. I've seen my _own_ men executed far worse than those people today."

Amy's lungs constrict as Rosa stops abruptly, holding a hand to her forehead. She sucks in a deep breath and sighs.

"I'm sorry," Rosa apologizes softly, quietly, as if the words would break whatever delicate relationship they have now. "I'm sorry, Amy."

Amy pauses for a moment, thinking of an appropriate way to phrase the next words that leave her mouth. She takes a deep breath and stands, facing her sister and reach out with her hand to gently cup Rosa's chin and lift it upwards so their eyes meet.

"You never have to apologize to me," Amy whispers soothingly. "You… what you went through over there… I don't know anything about it. The media covered it up and whenever I try to ask around, people seem to have no idea what you did. But they know that what happened while you were in the military hurt you. It changed you, and God, Rosa, I haven't seen that level of emptiness in your eyes since we first met."

Amy's crying now and Rosa looks on the verge of breaking down too, but Amy doesn't stop. "Every night after I saw that news article of you becoming captain, I prayed that you stayed safe. I prayed that you never had to see the violence and desolation my dad can't even talk about. When he read the headline he told me he was wrong, that he misjudged you and wished that he'd gone back to get you. But it didn't matter, you know? It didn't matter because at the end of the day, he never went back and I abandoned you just like everyone else."

"Stop," Rosa croaks, winding her arms around Amy's trembling shoulders and drawing her in for a tight hug. "You came back, that's all that matters to me. I spent so many years thinking that I'd lost you forever, and I guess in that time I also lost a part of myself. I've served in multiple settings in different wars, but they never changed me the way that losing you did. I… it broke me, Amy. I felt so damn alone."

"I'm here," Amy soothes as she runs her hands down Rosa's tensed back, gripping her closely. "I'm here, Rosa. I'm not going anywhere."

"Please," she hears Rosa whimper into her shoulder. "Please don't leave me again."

Amy's resolute when she firmly replies, " _never_."

* * * 

They stand in the living room hugging for what seems like ages.

But to Rosa, it feels like coming home and she never wants to let go. 

"Come on," Amy eventually whispers as she leans back and curls a stray hair behind Rosa's ear. "Stay the night. I don't think you're in any state to ride home and I don't want you to either." Rosa chuckles, clogged and strained, but it makes Amy's heart soar with happiness.

"Are we having a famous Santiago-Diaz sleepover?"

"Funny," Amy smiles as she leaves Rosa for a brief second to grab at some pajamas. "Here," she says as she hands them to Rosa.

"Is this… a pantsuit?" Rosa asks with an arched brow, scanning the clothing with confusion. "You literally sleep in a pantsuit."

"It's comfortable," Amy defends the clothing with jut of her chin. "I'm sorry I don't have a ratty t-shirt and a pair of boxers."

Rosa smiles at that, chuckling as she takes the clothing into her hands properly. "I can't believe you still remember that."

"Of course I would," Amy laughs as Rosa heads for the bathroom. "You always stole them from Jaime and then she'd punch you, and then both you and her would be grounded. I swear, did you even ever have one week where you didn't get yourself into some sort of trouble?"

"Nope," Rosa replies as she enters the bathroom and leaves the door slightly ajar. "You know me, I had a reputation to uphold."

"And you still do apparently," Amy's voice responds with a lighthearted jest. "Half the precinct is terrified of you."

Rosa stops changing for a moment to peak out the door and give Amy a pointed look. She realizes that she's only wearing a bra when Amy's eyes instantly find the scars that decorate her midsection, an ugly smattering of patches that had to be grafted on after the devastating last mission. Suddenly, she grows self-conscious, but before she can attempt to explain, Amy replies with a forced laugh and a sad smile.

"Alright, so maybe the _entire_ precinct is scared of you. I don't know why though," Amy says as she shrugs. "You're a big softie on the inside."

"Take that back," Rosa growls as she disappears back into the bathroom and hastily throws on the weird buttoned shirt and the cotton pants. "I'm not a softie." Amy just laughs from the other side of the door, and part of Rosa is glad that the awkward moment had passed. She shared enough of her past life today and she's not in the mood for delving deeper, and Amy seems to have recognized that instantly.

Rosa smiles to herself as she hears Amy arguing against her point in the background.

Amy always was the smarter one out of the two of them.

"Alright, I'm ready… for tackling your finances," Rosa quips as she emerges from the bathroom. The pants are a bit short and the v-neck of the shirt reveals a bit too much of the jagged scar from a mission in the Congo during her early years as a SEAL, but Amy doesn't pay it much attention. She sets her folded clothes down on the table beside the couch, before making her way to lie down on it.

"You don't have to sleep there," Amy interjects quickly. "The couch is lumpy in places… not great for sleeping really. You'll have back problems for days. Just… sleep beside me." Rosa feels her shoulders tense as Amy nods to the bed, before she gets flustered and prepares to backtrack. "I mean, that's awkward right. Yeah, okay, no way, I'll take the couch and you can take my bed. We don't have to--"

"Ames," Rosa whispers, noting the way Amy's eyes light up at the sound of her old pet name. "It's okay. I can handle human contact for a few hours. It's fine." Amy grins and moves to the bed, shifting over before gesturing for Rosa to sleep on the other side. It takes a few moments for Rosa to gracefully crawl in, but as soon as they're both under the covers, Amy hits the lights and they lay beside each other in the dark.

It's silent for a few moments, before Amy breaks it with a quiet murmur.

"I've missed this, you know."

Rosa's heart pinches and she can't help but reach between them, grasping lightly at Amy's outstretched hand. "So did I."

Even though it's dark, she can tell by the way her sister's body has shifted that Amy is smiling. Rosa inches closer and Amy immediately places her head on Rosa's shoulder, her nose tickling the underside of her jaw as she lets out a soft breath of contentment.

"We're grown women sharing a bed," Rosa chuckles as she nudges Amy closer, "maybe you're right. I'm a little bit of a softie."

"Not a little," Amy corrects her with a sleepy grin, "a lot."

"Whatever, Ames. I could still crush a watermelon between my thighs if I wanted to."

"Sure, Rosa. Now sleep."

"I'm serious, Ames. I have an entire armoire of just swords alone."

"Seriously?" Amy asks, looking up at her with a bemused grin. "Of course you do."

"I also have an axe," Rosa notes, her heart warming at the sight of Amy's sleep smile growing wider. "Four, to be exact. I'll lend you one."

"No, Rosa. I'm not a weird serial killer."

"What kind of woman doesn't own an axe?"

"Rosa," Amy chuckles as she leans her head back down on Rosa's shoulder, "sleep. We'll talk about the axes tomorrow."

"So you'll consider it."

"No, now sleep."

"Fine," Rosa concedes as she tucks the covers up higher. "Goodnight, Ames. I love you."

"I love you too," Amy sleepily mumbles as she snuggles closer. "To the moon and back, Diaz."

Rosa smiles, her heart skipping a beat as she presses a soft kiss to Amy's forehead before leaning back on her pillow.

"To the moon and back, Santiago."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all of y'all that are actually reading this weird ass shit. I literally thought no one would since the Dianetti fandom is so small but bless your hearts!!! <3


	4. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rosa and Amy work their case, resulting in an intense shootout and a blast from the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am thinking that it is going to be slow-burn Dianetti, just because I want to explore the idea of Rosa and Alicia a little bit before the OTP gets their time to shine. Besides, I like the idea of Gina being in love with Rosa and Rosa being a dumb-dumb with her feelings and taking a longer time to figure it out because feelings are hard and she has too many of them. But this Rosa has a right to be a dumb-dumb with her feelings tho my poor baby so sad and hurt.

Amy is usually a heavy sleeper, but the sound of whimpering and crying jolts her from her sleep.

"No," she hears Rosa whimper beside her, "no, don't touch her… No!"

"Shit," Amy hisses as she turns on her side and looks at the scrunched lines on Rosa's face and the sweat beading down her temples. Her older sister's body is coiled around itself like a wire trap, ready to explode at any given moment. Amy swallows and pleads, "Rosa, wake up."

"No," Rosa growls in her sleep as she flips onto her back, "no take me instead… don't touch her… don't…"

"Rosa," Amy says louder, her hands reaching out and placing themselves on Rosa's shoulders. "Rosa wake up, it's just a dream!"

With a jolt, Rosa leaps upwards and Amy gasps as a firm hand places itself around her neck. Rosa's eyes are wide and wild, her grip tight as she straddles Amy and pins her down like she's some stranger that she's never seen before. Amy heaves as she tries to speak, but Rosa's grip around her neck is too tight. Instead, she resorts to clawing at Rosa's arm, trying to get her attention and make her see it was a dream.

It takes a few minutes for Rosa to come back to the presence, but Amy sees the moment that she realizes what she's done. Rosa removes her hand and leaps off the bed with a gasp, leaving Amy desperately wheezing for breath. She watches as Rosa paces back and forth in front of the window, her hands weaving through her hair and pulling through the strands with a tight grip. Amy catches her breath and sits up, swinging her trembling legs over the side of the bed before she stands, wobbling slightly, and makes her way over to where Rosa still paces.

"Rosa," Amy whispers her name quietly, "Rosa, it's okay. You're safe."

Rosa pauses and her back stiffens as she turns her head to face Amy. The look in her eyes makes Amy want to burst into tears, but she holds it together because she knows that she needs to make sure Rosa understands that she's _here_ in her apartment, not on a battlefield. It's the vacant, vulnerable gaze in Rosa's eyes that cause Amy's breath to be sucked from her lungs, but she ignores her own pain to focus on Rosa.

"You're okay," she soothes shakily as she reaches out slowly so Rosa can see where her hands are going. "It's me, Amy. Your sister, Rosa."

Rosa nods shakily, allowing Amy to pry her hands from her hair and let them fall by their sides. She squeezes them and Rosa looks to her feet, sniffling. Amy tries to not pay attention to the scars on Rosa's skin, now illuminated by the moonlight. They criss-cross over her collar and from where the shirt is hiked up at the bottom, she can make out a winding jagged one that ascends up the curve of her back, as if someone had very literally tried to cut her in half. Amy swallows thickly, drawing her gaze to Rosa's face again.

"Rosie," Amy whispers softly, squeezing their hands again. "You alright?"

It takes a moment for Rosa to respond to her, but in a quiet voice, Amy barely makes out Rosa whisper, "yeah… I'm okay."

After, Rosa removes their hands and puts some space between them. Her hands move up and wrap themselves around her chests, as if to shield her from the outside world. Rosa scrunches in on herself and Amy's positive she's never seen anyone look so small before. And perhaps it is this image of Rosa, small and scared and vulnerable, that makes Amy realize that there are parts of Rosa she will never know.

"I should go," Rosa murmurs after sometime of just standing there, shivering. "I never should have spent the night. I… I'm sorry."

Amy opens her mouth to protest but Rosa's already moving, grabbing her jacket and keys and slipping on her boots, not even caring for the fact that she's wearing her pajamas and nothing else. She doesn't bother to even grab her clothes from the couch with her trembling hands. Amy can't even move from her spot as she watches Rosa put on her helmet and rush out the door without another word. 

And so, Amy stands alone in the light of the moon, wondering how things could have changed so much since their childhood.

* * * 

"Well you look chipper," Gina greets Rosa as she walks over to her desk. "Got some last night?"

Rosa, clearly not in the mood, doesn't answer. Instead she looks up and glares at Gina. "Not today, Linetti."

"Oh damn, Diaz is pulling out the last names! Scratch that then, it definitely wasn't sex. Unless, was it bad sex--"

"Gina, that's enough!" Rosa damn near roars her name, her fist pounding down on the table. The entire computer jiggles, and a few stray pens roll off the edge. Jake, Charles, and Terry jump at the exclamation, but to her credit, the fearless Gina just remains unaffected by her outburst. Gina waits, silent and steady, but Rosa doesn't give an explanation or an apology. She plops down on her seat and she gets to work. 

"What's going on out here?" Captain McGintley asks, poking his head out the door for the first time in awhile. "Why are you shouting, Diaz?"

"No reason," Rosa mutters as she looks away from Gina and back to her desk. "I just… did."

Captain McGintley, clearly too apathetic to ask any further questions regarding the matter, simply turns away and heads for his office again. When Rosa looks up, she sees Jake, Terry, and Charles avoiding her gaze, but Gina continues to stare at her with that blank stare. Eventually, Rosa decides that looking at her will only make her more irritated, so she reaches for her bag and pulls out the Mandir case file.

But as she does it, she looks to her palm and pauses.

The hand that holds the file is the same hand that was wrapped around Amy's neck just a few hours ago.

Amy. Her little sister. The girl she had sworn her life to protect.

And Rosa had her own hand wrapped around her neck.

 _El Diablo_ , she hears the faint whisper in the back of her head, causing her to clench her fist and grit her teeth. Her nails pierce the skin and blood burbles under the indentation, but the sting only raises the volume of that name being chanted again, and again, and again.

"Rosa."

 _El Diablo_.

"Rosa."

 _El_ _comandante de la muerte._

"Rosa!"

_El segador._

"Rosa, you're getting blood all over your case file!"

Rosa snaps her head up to see Charles standing in front of her, a confused and terrified expression on his face as his eyes stay glued to her hand. Rosa gulps and unclenches, hiding the hiss that threatens to leave her lips at the searing pain. Her nails are not particularly long, but they're sharp. The blood from her palm drips onto the documents--luckily just the folder's cover itself and nothing vital to the case.

"Yeah," Rosa says with a croak, "I noticed, Boyle. Thanks."

"Where's your head today, Rosa?" Charles asks quietly, full of concern. "You look like hell."

"I'm fine," Rosa bites back, reaching in her bag for a small white towel before pressing it to her palm. "I just got distracted."

"I know those days. It was like that time they cancelled Shrek the Musical. I was inconsolable for days."

"Mhmm."

"You know," Charles says as he points to his desk, "I made some beef empanadas today for lunch. I have an extra for you, if you want?"

Rosa sighs before she looks up at him with a tired, barely-there smile. "Thanks, Chuck, but I'm good. Really."

Charles looks unconvinced but he nods anyways, seemingly figuring out that she would rather be left alone than to talk to him. He leaves without another word and Rosa lets out a deep breath of relief. She has always figured things out on her own, and she'll do this in the same. Even though she's well aware that the coping strategy she employs is going to cause for more problems down the road, it works for now.

A few minutes later, when Amy walks into the precinct with a scarf around her neck and her head down, Rosa has never felt more wrong.

* * *

Amy's not talked to Rosa in the two days since their 'sleepover'.

Their case is moving slowly, with both of them individually gathering their intel before presenting it to The Sarge. He looks like he wants to question their sudden change of mood, but thinks better of it when Amy notices Rosa giving him a pointed glare. When he leaves, Rosa promptly follows him back to her own desk, clearly not willing to discuss the past events with Amy or to even be alone with her for a second. 

What's even worse is that the _entire_ squad knows something is wrong.

Amy and Rosa had been getting closer since she'd made the move to the nine-nine, with the two of them constantly going for lunch together or getting into some of the usual squad gossip. Over the time she's been here, Amy's noticed that Rosa's closest with Jake and Gina, and seems to tolerate Charles most of the time. She has limited interactions with Hitchcock and Scully, and is friendly enough to Terry.

Amy herself finds herself usually annoyed with Jake's immaturity and boyish charm, even though she does find it kind of cute sometimes to see how excited he gets about certain cases. Despite his complete lack of appropriate behaviour, Amy can tell he's dedicated to the job and that he cares more than anyone in the precinct about doing his best and just being an great detective. She doesn't often go to him for advice, because more often than not he replies with some bizarre, made up response like ' _smort_ ' or ' _noice_ '. 

And in seeing him, Amy finally gets it.

The last case Jake worked lies open on his desk and Amy glances at it briefly, noticing that it's a B&E homicide. The crime scene photos are spread out on his desk and they're gruesome, the victim a college student and the perp an older man. Amy reads how it was originally meant to be a robbery, but then the perp didn't realize the victim was home and killed her in an effort to cover his tracks. She thinks about the gravity of the situation, of having to interrogate the family of the teen who had come to Brooklyn for school, but instead got murdered.

"It's not easy, you know. I'm pretty terrible with emotions," Jake's voice comes from beside her, startling Amy. "It turns out the perp was a relative. Uncle, actually. Pretty horrific and the family were devastated. It really sucks… even though sucks isn't really the right word for it."

"No," Amy murmurs as she looks to the picture of the victim, "it does suck."

"But that's not all that sucks, is it?"

Amy looks up to see Jake peering at her with a curious, but concerned expression. "What are you talking about, Jake?" 

"You and Rosa," Jake supplies quickly, " _obviously_."

"Obviously," Amy echoes as she sits down at her desk and takes a breath. "But there's nothing to worry about, I mean it."

"Sure, sure, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. No doubt, no doubt… it's just that, I haven't seen Rosa this upset… like ever," Jake says as they both glance over to where Rosa and Terry are engaged in a rather heated, but still quiet discussion about something important. "Rosa's like my best friend here, but don't tell Charles that or else he might freak out. To be safe, they're both my best friends. Rosa and I were actually in the academy together, so I know more about her than anyone here. Which… when I say it now, it isn't really saying a lot because I know nothing."

Amy chuckles at that and Jake smiles at the sight of a smile on her face before he clears his throat. "But more importantly, Rosa has her moments where she's the most terrifying person on the planet and I don't want to be caught in the bast radius, but she's a good friend. She's really the only reason I passed the written tests for the academy. I wasn't a good learner, really. Rosa's incredibly smart, on the other hand."

"What's your point, Jake?" Amy asks, confused rather than irritated. "I don't really see what this has to do with Rosa being upset."

"It's just…," Jake trails off quietly, "I know… _we all know…_ that she went through some stuff back when she was a SEAL. I… well, she told me when we were in the academy together and I really glorified it because I thought it was so cool that she was this super badass woman who served in America's most elite covert operation unit. But… when I look at her on her off-days, I know that there's nothing to really glorify."

Jake pauses and Amy feels her hands shaking as they both watch Rosa storm away from The Sarge and towards the bathroom. Just as Jake turns back to face her, Amy catches Gina out of the corner of her eye walking in the same direction as her older sister, no doubt to find her.

"What I'm trying to say is that I don't think any of us get through to her as much as you do," Jake tells her as he looks down to his open case file. "I'm kinda like her, that I bottle it up inside and hope that I never have to acknowledge my feelings, but it's tough. My dad wasn't really ever there for me as a kid and he cheated on my mom more times than I can count, and I guess my method of coping then carried over into what it is now. When I look at these cases, I keep having to remind myself that I can't become attached to these stories or people."

"Or else you wouldn't be able to do your job," Amy replies, nodding as she looks back to him. "I get it, Peralta. I do."

"So I guess what I am _really_ trying to say is this: be patient with Rosa," Jake says, glancing back up. "She's not delicate--hell, she's the furthest from it, but she still needs someone to lean on. I have no idea what she was like as a kid--and please Santiago, I will give you all of my coolest cases if you ever do spill the beans on that mystery--but I know that right now, she's just dealing with her stuff the only way she can."

"Thanks Jake," Amy says with a sad smile. "I guess I'll just give her some space until she's ready."

But as Jake nods and gets back to his work, Amy asks herself one crucial question.

Will Rosa ever be ready?

* * * 

Rosa stares at herself in the mirror of the bathroom, her hands clutching the sink tightly as water continues to run into the drain.

She looks to the face in the reflection and it disturbs her that she can barely even recognize herself. She glances down, to her lightly bandaged hand and she closes her eyes. She can still hear the chanting, the raving and the sounds of explosions, screams, gunfire, death--

"Alright, Diaz. What's going on?"

Rosa swirls and reaches for her gun instantly, holding it out as she looks to Gina standing in the hall of the bathroom with an unamused expression on her face. Rosa's heart continues to pound in her throat as she lowers the weapon and curses under her breath.

"I've never seen you this riled up before," Gina says seriously as she turns around and locks the door. Rosa arches a brow, the grip on her gun still tight and wary. Gina rolls her eyes and sighs, "it's so that no one walks in us, you goof. Especially Hitchcock. He does _not_  take a hint well."

Rosa doesn't smile at the joke, but she holsters her gun and turns to shut off the sink. She glances back up in the mirror and she gazes at the various barely-visible scars along her forehead and neck. The only truly obvious one is the slash down her brow, from a knife fight. Not willing to pay them anymore attention, Rosa turns back to Gina with her arms crossed in front of her and her head bowed in disdain.

"I don't know what you're worried about. I'm fine."

"Mhmm, yeah, okay. So that might have convinced Chuckie, Sarge, and Jake, but that will not work on me. I'm Gina Linetti, bitch."

"Just cut the crap," Rosa snaps as her lip pulls back into a snarl. "I told you I was fine what more could you want?"

"I want you to man the hell up, Diaz. Your sister is a wreck out there and so are you. Ever since a few days ago, neither of you have talked and you're always nauseatingly joined at the hip. I swear, you're an entirely different person around her sometimes," Gina drawls lazily as she walks forward and places her hand on Rosa's tensed shoulder. "And right now, you look like a bomb that's about to go off."

"I'm just… stressed about this case. It's nothing more than that."

"So the nightmares are back," Gina concludes with a sigh. Rosa's brows perk in surprise as Gina scoffs. "Don't be so surprised. I once caught you napping on the couch in the supply closet--which, by the way, Scully uses for his own naps so you should probably like, I don't know, spray yourself with disinfectant after touching it." Rosa rolls her eyes and grits her teeth so Gina quickly finishes, "and when I walked into get something, I saw you sleeping but you were… you know, in the middle of a bad dream. You said some pretty damning stuff. It was scary."

Gina's voice loses its usual sardonic tone and turns a bit more serious as she murmurs, "I didn't know what to do. I didn't think it was my place to wake you up so I just waited for a few moments to see if they would go away… and they didn't. You were a wreck the next couple of days, barely eating and sleeping. You were more irritated than usual--I mean you almost broke Hitchcock's hand, even if he would have deserved it, that wretched man. But regardless, you would eventually go back to normal and I just figured that's when the nightmares stop."

"You got all of that…," Rosa questions as she peers at Gina curiously, "just from watching me sleep for a few minutes?"

"More like toss and turn and scream, but yeah that pretty much sums it up," Gina replies with a shrug. "I make a great detective, you know."

"Yeah," Rosa mumbles as she looks down, sighing deeply. "I… I'm sorry you saw that, Gina. But… I'm glad you didn't wake me up."

"Because that's what Amy did, right?" Gina asks, causing Rosa's head to whip up instantly. "You stayed the night at hers and had a nightmare and she woke you up, and you had a… let's say, bad reaction. Now you're terrified Amy is scared of you and so you're refusing to talk to her."

When Rosa doesn't answer, and instead stares on in silence, Gina smirks. "Man, I really should be a detective. Mama  _does_ need a raise."

" _Gina_."

"Yup, got it. Back to the real conversation. We'll put a pin in my promotion for later."

"I just…," Rosa fiddles with her fingers and looks to the ceiling as she struggles to get her emotions in check. She closes her eyes and takes a breath before she looks at Gina with a defeated expression. "I just know that I'm not the same person she once knew. I can't be that person anymore because I don't… I just _can't_." Rosa stammers, feeling more like an idiot the longer she talks. She sighs and shakes her head.

"I'm not good," Rosa admits in a quiet whisper, "I don't think I ever was… and I think Amy finally sees it."

There's a moment of silence, but then it drags on so Rosa has no choice but to look up at Gina, only to see the other woman looking unimpressed by her confession. Rosa straightens her back as Gina places her hand back on her shoulder and looks her straight in the eye.

"Alright first of all, if anyone has to cut the crap, it's you, boo," Gina says with a stern nod. "This whole 'I don't think I'm a good person' pity party that you're throwing for yourself isn't helping you in anyway. You need to face the truth, girl. Some bad shit happened and you have some problems that you've not sorted through yet. It happens to all of us, but maybe your problems are just different from ours."

"I was a _SEAL_ , Gina. I think it's safe to say that I've done _and_ seen shit that no one else has," Rosa scowls. Gina rolls her eyes.

"Girl, it was so long ago. Whatever it is, you gotta get the hell over it! Talk to someone, let it out. If you don't let that stuff air out it will be worse than Scully's foot fungus and we all know how terrible that is," Gina tells her in a non-scolding tone. Rosa knows what she's doing and while she knows that Gina could never possibly know the horrors that plague her mind, she understands that the older woman has a point. Gina sighs and continues to tell her, "I'm not going to discredit what happened to you. Nobody knows what happened because no one here knows a goddamn thing about your life. All we know is that you got a medal of honour on the same day you were honourably discharged, so my best guess is that your last mission was not one you want to remember, but you still do. And that sucks, but you need to move on, Rosa."

"I can't," Rosa tells her, voice growing lower in pitch as she gets frustrated. "It's all up here and I can't get it out. I thought I was better."

"Oh Rosa," Gina sighs as she reaches forward and cups her cheeks gently. "Sweet, silly Rosa. Things don't magically get better when you ignore them. You went through some shit. Big deal. We all do. It's just that your shit stinks a bit more than ours, and that's okay. But nothing is going to change about it unless you do something. I mean… I hate quacks and all, but maybe you need some kind of therapy, girl."

"No," Rosa replies through gritted teeth. "Shrinks are the worst. I've seen enough with my psych evals. I don't need a longer time with them."

"Then maybe you need something else," Gina says, nodding her head. "But this right here is not the answer, got it?"

Rosa is quiet for a moment before she looks down and nods. "Yeah," she says with a soft sigh of defeat. "I got it."

"And secondly," Gina says as she tips Rosa's chin upwards so they're eye-level again. "Amy knows that you're not the same person. Hell, she's probably different from what you remembered, too! People change, Rosa. It's a part of the ever dawning inevitability of our own human mortality. We're just beings that live in a state of transcendence, never knowing what's right from wrong, left from right--"

Rosa rolls her eyes at the monologue and snaps, "Gina get on with it."

"Right, gotcha. Like I was saying, people change! Amy probably just needs some time to adjust and right now, you ignoring the crap out of her isn't going to help your case, like at all. You need to talk to her, open up to her even though I know you'd rather jump through a window than talk about your feelings," Gina tells her with a slight smile, "I mean if you even have feelings, that is."

"I don't," Rosa chimes back softly, adding a small smile at the end. "Anger is the only emotion I feel."

"Ah, I would say anger is more your state of mind, girl."

"Fair. I'll take that."

"But listen," Gina says as she removes her hand and smiles. "All you need to do is find a time to sit down and talk to her… properly."

"I don't know if I can," Rosa says as she fumbles with her hands again. "I… I don't know if I can talk about it, Gina."

"You're _going_ to," Gina tells her sternly. "You don't have to tell her everything, but just tell her something. Tell her that you have trouble sleeping, that you're constantly on alert because you're scared that this life, this precinct-- _all of this_ \--is too normal to be real. You don't have to tell her that you've watched people die or that you've been in tough as hell situations, but you just need to communicate something."

"Fine," Rosa sighs as she looks at Gina with a tired gaze. "I… I'll try."

"That's my girl," Gina says with a smile. "Now chin up, soldier."

"Thanks, Gina. You know… for coming in here and talking some sense into me. You didn't have to follow me and certainly didn't need to have me talk about this crap," Rosa says, smiling as she pats Gina's shoulder. But Gina just shrugs and does her classic nonchalant expression. 

"I mean, I did come in here to tell you that that Sbarro guy you and Ames were looking for was just spotted in his hideout in Queen's but I guess this worked out for both of us--"

"Wait, what?" Rosa says, snapping out of her slightly emotional state. "You mean, you have a lead on Sergio?"

"Yeah," Gina says with another nonchalant nod, "some person called the tip line saying he was at a warehouse--"

"I have to go," Rosa all but yells as her eyes go wide with disbelief. "Why didn't you lead with that Linetti? We've been here for thirty minutes!"

" _This_ ," Gina says, pointing to Rosa, "was far more important than some murdering meth-head."

"Gina!"

"Alright, alright, yeesh. If it's any consolation the tip came in right before you came in here so he should still be there."

Rosa pushes past Gina and unlocks the door, but before she leaves, she turns around and gives Gina a hesitant, shy smile.

"Thanks," Rosa says with a nod, "for the talk… and for everything else."

"I got you, babe! Now go raise hell," Gina replies with a wink, causing Rosa to chuckle before she turns and heads for the door.

She rushes down the hall and grabs her car keys and jacket before bounding over to Amy's desk. The younger woman startles but Rosa throws her the keys and tells her, "gear up, we've got a criminal to catch so we're taking a drive to Queens. Also… we should talk after we get him."

Amy looks at Rosa and then down at the keys, and then back up at Rosa.

"Okay," Amy replies as she stands up and Rosa feels nervous for the first time in a long time when Amy says, "we'll talk once this is over."

* * * 

Amy looks over at Rosa in the passenger's seat anxiously loading and reloading her gun as they speed through the streets, on their way to the location Gina texted Rosa. Apparently it was an abandoned warehouse that the person on the tip line had said they'd seen Sergio frequenting often. She can feel the nerves radiating off of Rosa, and they're staring to flood into her own body the longer the silence stays between them.

"So," Amy says, trying to break the tension between them, "what's the plan when we get there?"

Rosa finishes cocking her gun and looks up. "We'll scout the area, see if we can locate him. We'll stick together unless I order us otherwise." The tone of Rosa's voice is no-nonsense, and something about it makes Amy wonder if she would act the same way when she was a Captain. She could picture it, Rosa giving orders in a stoic voice and leading her team through the mission while staying completely in charge.

"Copy that," Amy replies as she sees the warehouse pull into view. "We're almost here."

Rosa follows her gaze and peers out through the dashboard. "Pull up on the side street. We don't want to get to close in case we spook him."

"Okay," Amy says as she rolls the car to a gentle stop on the side of the road before powering the engine off. "Alright, ready?"

"Let's do this," Rosa tells her, getting out of the car and fastening her kevlar tighter to her midsection. Amy gets out and does the same, reaching for her own pistol in her holster and double checking that the safety is off and the gun is loaded. When she looks up, she sees Rosa staring back at her intently, a hint of concern and worry in those deep brown eyes that only serves to make Amy just that much more nervous.

"When we're in there, your ass is stuck to mine, got it?" Rosa orders, shutting the door before making her way over. "You don't move away from me unless I tell you, and you don't do anything I don't tell you to do. This guy is a big deal. We don't know what the situation is like in there, if he's alone or not. I need you on your radio to call in backup if we need it. If I tell you to go, you go--no exceptions. Understand?" 

Rosa's expression is rigid, firm, and Amy almost feels like she has to snap a salute. Instead, she offers a hasty nod and a shaky, _'I understand'_ before Rosa walks towards the building with her weapon at her side. Amy follows behind her, her eyes scanning her surroundings. Her heart is beating like a wardrum in her ear, and she's pretty sure that she's shot with adrenalin as they approach the warehouse as quietly as they can.

They make their way in quietly, looking around to see if there are any other stragglers that Sergio might be meeting with, or if he was potentially alone. They press themselves up against the wall of one side of the building as Amy peeks her head around to scan the room.

"Clear," she says after she finishes looking, "we should head upwards."

Rosa nods and takes up the position, leading them further into the warehouse. They continue to creep slowly, making their way to cover as quietly as they can before they scan the room once more. They repeat the process until they reach the steps. Rosa tells Amy to take point by the wall as she pokes her head up so she can scan the railings. Amy watches, her gun gripped tightly in her hand as Rosa nods for the all-clear. She moves off the way and follows Rosa as she leads them up the stairs and towards the second floor of the warehouse.

But then, just as they reach the top of the staircase, there's a noise.

Specifically, a voice.

"I'm still here," a man says in the distance. "Marco says the delivery just left and is on its way to Brooklyn. I'm heading out in five."

Rosa pauses and pokes her head around the corner, watching as a man ahead keeps talking on his cellphone, his back to them.

"That's Sergio," Rosa whispers as she leads Amy to the wall. "Stay here and take cover. I'm going to go see if he's alone or not." 

Amy nods and watches as Rosa sneaks forward, ducking from wall to wall silently before taking cover a few blocks ahead. Amy swivels her head and double-checks that no one is behind her before glancing back at Rosa. She waits to see what her sister wants her to do, her hands growing clammy around the gun as she feels the anticipation brewing. After awhile, Rosa makes her way back over, squatting beside her.

"I need you to cover the back entrance," Rosa says as she keeps looking over to see if Sergio is still there. "I'm going to take him. If he runs, I guarantee he'll head in your direction. Go." Amy feels reluctant to leave Rosa to taking the perp, but the look in her sister's eyes leaves no room for arguing. Amy nods and works her way back down the stairs and towards the alleyway they had initially walked in from. She leans up against the back door, taking point while simultaneously waiting for Rosa's next command from the radio, or for Sergio to come running.

But it turns out, when she hears the first gunshot ring out, that Amy didn't have to wait for long.

* * *

"NYPD put your hands in the air!"

Rosa roars the command as she charges into the room, gun drawn and ready. Sergio turns at her exclamation and pulls out his gun to shoot  point blank, narrowly missing Rosa as she dives behind cover and reaches for her radio. Sergio continues to fire off in her direction until he stops. She can hear him talking into the phone about reinforcements, so Rosa goes to relay the message to Amy. She's about to reach for the button on her microphone when she hears the pounding of footsteps fading into the distance. Taking a breath and readying her gun, she looks over the barricade she placed herself behind for safety and watches as Sergio's bulky frame bolts out the door towards the balcony.

"Amy," Rosa speaks into the mic as she sprints after the man, "Sergio is on the move, he's out on the balcony. He's called for reinforcements so radio for backup. I'm chasing him on-foot now but stay on your post and stay alert, got it? I am gonna try and drive him your way."

"Roger that," Amy replies instantly, "stay safe, Rosa."

Not taking the time to respond, Rosa continues her chase of the killer drug dealer. She sprints forward, leaping over the barricade in front of her before following the man down the balcony. Sergio isn't too far ahead of her--since he's a bit bigger, he's slower which leaves Rosa ample room to catch up. He runs back into the warehouse, whipping out his pistol and firing shots behind her with no aim whatsoever.

He overturns abandoned chairs and tables in his way, trying to stop Rosa from pursuing him, but it's no use. Rosa leaps and dives over each blockade easily, letting her instincts fall back on her military training as she bolsters herself into running faster. Sergio turns the corner and runs into another room, something that looks akin to a control room. Rosa follows, pumping her arms as she sprints faster to catch up. 

And once he's within an arm's length, Rosa leaps forward and shoulder tackles him to the ground.

"Sergio Mandir, you're under arrest--"

Before she can finish her statement, Sergio wrestles free and swings his fist up, decking her in the nose. Rosa groans, feeling hot blood gush down her face before she whips her elbow back, catching Sergio in the jaw as they continue to tousle for the upper hand. Somewhere in their flipping and rolling, both their guns scatter away. Rosa manages to roll atop him, landing a blow to his cheek before he sucker punches her in the gut. Rosa growls as Sergio surges upwards, shoving Rosa hard enough for her to smash into the wall behind her with a loud hiss.

Just as she's stunned, he quickly reaches for his gun and aims it out in front. Before he can shoot, however, Rosa reaches forward and wraps her hands around his wrists and twists until she hears a sickening pop. Sergio growls out in pain as the gun clatters back to the ground. Rosa then throws her shoulder forward, throwing them both back to the ground. Sergio head-butts her, landing a firm hit right above her eye. He flips them over again, taking the time to land a few good punches to her face and jaw with his good hand before Rosa finally wriggles free. 

Sergio stands, leaning on one side as he reaches for his gun once more. Rosa struggles to her feet, scrambling for her own gun. She is just about to reach for it when she hears the shot fire and a searing pain erupts around her midsection. She howls in agony as she's thrown back a few feet, colliding back with the wall before she hears Sergio bolting in the opposite direction. Rosa fumbles for her radio as she struggles to get into a seated position. Luckily, as she looks down and observes the damage to see that the bullet caught her vest, she sighs in relief. But, as she can feel from the burning pain that accompanies each breath that she takes, she's cracked at least one rib from the force of the impact.

"Amy," Rosa rasps as she stumbles to her feet and limps over to the raining of the stairs, the last location she Sergio running. She makes out his footsteps and can see the top of his flat top a few floors down. "Sergio is running. He's heading in your direction. Be ready for him."

Amy doesn't reply, but Rosa doesn't wait for her to. She starts making her way down the stairs as quickly as she can, noting the sound of screeching tires in the background. She prays that it's their backup and not the reinforcement Sergio ordered for just before the chase. Rosa puts the thought to the back of her head as she continues to make her way down the stairs, her breath whistling as she takes them two-by-two. Her midsection is on fire and her lungs feel like they're being stabbed with tiny needles, but Rosa fights through the pain easily.

As it seems to be from the ensuing gunfire, it seems to be that both their backup and Sergio's reinforcements arrived at the same time. Rosa pays them no mind as she listens to their chatter over the radio and instead searches for the drug dealer. She looks around the warehouse, struggling to locate the back entrance. She hears a bottle clatter to the ground and she turns, seeing Sergio pressed up against a shelf with old beer bottles. Rosa holds her gun up, firing a warning shot towards one of the bottles to get the man's attention.

Sergio instantly turns when the glass explodes and his teeth clench as he responds with a gunshot of his own. Rosa takes cover before it can make contact, before she pokes her head out and fires another warning shot near Sergio's feet, letting him know her intent.

"I'm not going to say it again," Rosa calls out as she takes cover from another series of shots, "put down your weapon, Mandir. You're done."

"Die pig!" Sergio snarls as he reaches for a bottle and throws it in Rosa's direction before firing again. "I'll kill you!"

Before he can take another shot, Rosa hears him let out a snarl of pain from another gunshot. She takes herself out of cover to see one of the backup officers firing in their direction before he's distracted by another one of Sergio's backups. Rosa takes the opportunity to bound forward towards the wounded drug dealer. Sergio clambers to his feet, clutching his bleeding arm. Rosa steps up to him, gun held at the ready as he slumps against the wall. Sweat beads down his face as he holds his gun in the same hand that attempts to stench the bleeding.

"Put it down," Rosa growls, motioning with her gun to the perp's weapon. "It's over."

"Hell no," Sergio spits as he stands straighter, before looking over her shoulder with a slight smirk. "I'm not going down today."

Before Rosa can turn and see what the man was looking at, she feels a searing pain in her shoulder and sting of something sharp sinking into her skin. A weight collapses on top of her and Rosa falls flat onto her stomach, sucking the air from her already battered lungs. Each breath is a burning wheeze, but Rosa channels the pain into adrenalin as she regains her focus. She can feel blood running from her shoulder down to her back. The man on her back digs the piece of glass in deeper, wrenching it just enough to cause Rosa to grit her teeth and stifle a scream. She musters up the strength to flip over and shove at the attacker, kicking him off before grabbing one of the unbroken bottles and hitting him in the head with it. The strength of the smash is enough to knock him out, leaving Rosa free to turn around and look for Sergio.

"Amy," she breathes out into the mic as she struggles to catch her breath. "I lost him, did he head your way?"

There's silence, and it hits Rosa then that Amy hasn't replied since the beginning of the chase. Now, her heart goes still.

"Amy?" Rosa panics as she stands up, swaying a bit as she stumbles forward. "Amy, report and answer me, dammit!"

There's silence again, and Rosa's just about ready to sprint towards the back door entrance when there's a static over the line.

"I'm here," Amy's voice speaks back, breathless and ragged. "I'm okay, but Sergio got away. He… knocked me down."

Rosa starts limping towards the back door, noting how the gunfire seems to have ceased. She looks out the shattered windows to see that most of the officers have gotten their targets under control, while the rest are making their way through arresting them. Satisfied that the height of the threat is gone, Rosa makes her way to the back entrance hurriedly, worried by the sound of Amy's voice over the line.

She slams the back door open and raises her gun, looking around before she spots Amy near the wall, breathing heavily.

Holstering her gun, Rosa limps forward in her direction and calls out, "Amy? Are you alright? Did he hurt you?"

Amy looks up, overwhelmed and afraid, but otherwise unharmed and replies, "I'm fine. He just… pushed me over hard… winded me."

Rosa nods, taking the time to catch her own breath as she starts to feel her midsection begin to cramp up once more.

"Holy shit, Rosa!" Amy blurts out, walking towards her with concern in her eyes. "You have a shard of glass in your back!"

"Yeah," Rosa replies nonchalantly as she winds an arm around her chest. "One of Sergio's men stabbed me with it when I was trying to grab him. Stupid bastard, doesn't even know that the shoulder is all muscle. He didn't even get me in the rotator cuff where it matters."

When Amy doesn't reply, Rosa turns her gaze to her younger sister to see Amy's eyes wide with fear and her mouth agape.

"What?" Rosa asks as she cranes her head to look at the piece of glass in her shoulder. "It's only a flesh wound."

* * * 

A _flesh_ wound.

Amy lets Rosa's last words sink in while the EMTs come and patch up the injured cops and a few of the perps. Rosa is sitting in the back of one of the ambulances, getting her shoulder looked at since she was, quote-unquote 'too lazy to go to the hospital'. Rosa told her to go and relay the information of Sergio getting away to one of the officers from the nine-six, who were their back up cops on duty for the mission. 

"Alright," one of them tells her as he scribbles down the information on his notepad, "we'll put out an APB and see if we get anything."

"Thanks," Amy says as she looks to the rest of the scene. "This got ugly fast."

"It did," the officer replies with a sigh, "but luckily there were no casualties. A few injuries, but nothing serious."

Amy scoffs, looking in the direction of Rosa's ambulance. The officer gives her an odd look before telling her he has to check in with his sergeant. Amy nods and lets him go before she jogs over to the ambulance that contains her older sister, eager to give her a piece of her mind for her total nonchalance regarding the gravity of her injuries. Surely being stabbed in the back counts as a serious injury, right?

Bull-freaking-horse shit, Amy thinks otherwise.

When she arrives to the ambulance, the door is open and Rosa is sitting up inside. Her windbreaker and shirt are off, leaving her only in a sports bra and a chest-wrap around her midsection. The compression wrap is tightly secured, but Amy can make out the small blotches of black and purple from the parts that don't cover it up. She gazes upwards, noting the stitches and small white strips above Rosa's brow.

"Are you done gawking?" Rosa asks, her voice hoarse. It snaps Amy from her thoughts as she looks to Rosa, still shocked. 

"I-I… I thought it was just your shoulder," Amy stammers as she looks at the state of her sister. "You look like you've been in a dogfight."

"The shot to the vest cracked two ribs," the paramedic answers before Rosa can open her mouth. "The wrapping is to make sure she doesn't break them and to ensure they heal properly. The glass-wound is deep, but nothing major was injured. It'll take a few weeks to heal and it'll be a bitch for a bit, but I anticipate a clean recovery." Amy knows that the news should relieve her, but she can't help but be infuriated.

"What were you thinking?!" Amy hisses as the paramedic finishes stitching up the shoulder wound. "You could have _died_ , Rosa!"

"But I didn't," Rosa says as she arches her brow. "You heard Carl, I'm fine."

"I'd rather stay out of it," Carl mutters as he wraps the gauze and webbing over the shoulder wound. "I'm just the messenger here."

Amy seethes, waiting until Carl is done so that she can tell him to give them a moment alone.

"Gladly," Carl grumbles under his breath as he moves out of their way and over to another paramedic treating one of the nine-six's officers. Amy waits until he is out of ear shot before she steps into the cab of the ambulance and takes a seat opposite to Rosa.

"I don't get it," Amy says quietly, her voice full of frustration and anger. "One minute you're this warm and comforting presence, then you're closed off and cold, and now you think it's a joke. You were shot _and_ stabbed, Rosa. If backup didn't get here it might have been worse."

Rosa doesn't speak, her eyes set on her hands rather than looking Amy in the eyes. But Amy doesn't stop there, not when she feels the past couple of days' worth of frustration finally being released. "You didn't talk to me for two days, Rosa. You…," Amy trails off as tears well in her eyes. Her hand reaches for her throat and she tries to shake off the feeling of fingers wrapped around it, but she can't.

"You… left," she stumbles out in a croak as she looks up to Rosa. "You _left_ and you didn't even…"

"I know," Rosa says in a soft voice, her eyes casting upwards so they meet her own. "I'm sorry, Amy. I wasn't ready to talk about it right then. I wasn't ready for you to see the me that I've become. I was… scared that you would be terrified of who I am now. I'm… I'm not the same as I was when we grew up together." Amy lets a few tears slide down her cheeks silently as Rosa clears her throat and blinks back her own tears.

"Sometimes…," Rosa stammers nervously, a lone tear falling to land on her jaw. "Sometimes I feel like I'm still at war, fighting just to survive."

"Rosa," Amy breathes out as Rosa shakes her head and clenches her hands together. "I…"

"I'm a mess, Amy. I thought I was better but I'm not," Rosa seethes, sounding more angry at herself than anyone else. "There are things that I've seen, things that I've done, that I can't get out of my head. When I first started working here, I didn't take these kinds of cases because they were too much like the things that I would do when I served. But Captain figured that he could use my strengths and so I agreed after awhile. I knew that I had the experience to deal with high-risk operations. I've got the experience to know how to take down a top tier target."

"You're not just some weapon," Amy protests as she clenches her own fists in frustration. "You're human, Rosa. If this isn't something you can handle you shouldn't be on the case. You nearly died today, no matter what you think of the _not-so-significant_ stabbing you received. I just found you and I could have lost you and it would have been on the end of silent treatment!" Rosa hangs her head when Amy cries out the last few words. Amy reaches up and wipes at the tears that are now steadily falling down her cheeks as she shakes her head again, sniffling.

"I love you, Rosa, but what you did today was reckless. You and I should have both taken down Sergio or gone with backup from the start. You put yourself in needless danger," Amy says with a slight edge to her voice. "You can't do something like this. Not again. Not to me. Got it?"

Rosa is quiet for a moment before she nods, rasping out a solemn, "got it." 

Amy sighs and nods as she stands up and moves to sit where Rosa is. She reaches down and lightly squeezes Rosa's uninjured hand and Rosa sniffles, looking away. The two of them sit quietly for awhile before there's a knock on the ambulance's door. Amy looks down to see Carl looking at them with a blank stare. Removing their hands, Amy stands and makes her way over to him.

"There's a sergeant here to see the two of you," Carl translates, nodding to one of the squad cars a few steps away. "Didn't catch her name."

"Thanks," Amy says as she looks to Rosa, "you good to walk?"

"Yeah," Rosa replies softly as she rises, a little unsteady on her feet at first. She limps down to the ground, shivering as the cold air causes goosebumps to pop up on her bare arms. Amy grabs at windbreaker and shirt that Carl had folded near the foot of the cab, helping Rosa dress herself to fend off the cold. It's hard to slip the shirt over her head, but the two of them get it on before they nod a final thanks to Carl.

Rosa limps alongside her as they approach the sergeant standing with her back to them, talking to an officer. Both detectives patiently wait until the conversation is over before Amy clears her throat and asks, "we're Detectives Santiago and Diaz. You wanted to see us?"

The woman turns around and looks at them, her eyes shifting from Amy to Rosa. They linger longer on her sister.

" _Detective_ Diaz, huh?" The sergeant asks with a smirk. "Never thought you'd be demoted down to local crime considering your past rank."

"I don't get it," Amy says, looking to Rosa. Her sister's face is almost paralyzed, as if she's seen a ghost. "Rosa, do you know this person?"

"I'd be offended if she forgot me," the sergeant jokes as she looks over at Rosa while smirking. "I certainly didn't forget you, Rosa Diaz."

"Alicia Rodriguez," Rosa breathes out, finally coming back to the present as she looks at the other woman in shock. "You're… alive."

"I am," Alicia nods with a chuckle, looking Rosa up and down with a playful smile. "And now it seems that I outrank you this time, _Captain_."

"Captain?" Amy asks, perplexed. "I don't… unless…"

And suddenly, it all clicks into place.

"You guys served together," Amy concludes, glancing between the two women before she looks to Alicia. "You're a SEAL, too?"

"God no," Alicia says, screwing up her brows. "I was simply transferred under Rosa's command back when we served together for our last few years in the military. I was Captain Diaz's second in command. Hell of a ride, for sure. We've… seen a lot together, haven't we Rosa?"

"Yeah," Rosa replies, though Amy notices her voice trembles the longer she looks at Alicia. "Yeah, we have."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading!!! Y'all are great and I love your comments :D


	5. All's Fair in Love and War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rosa and Amy finally have the chance to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is kinda Rosa-centric because the next one is more Amy centric. Also this is pretty much the angstiest it gets for Rosa's miltiary backstory arc.

"Sergio Mandir is tied with some of the biggest crime units in the city," Alicia says as she pulls out a case file from the glove box in her care. "We're talking Figgis, Murphy, and Halloway. They're the top tier drug suppliers and have been notorious for killing out anyone who testifies against them."

Rosa winds an arm around her midsection, putting a bit more weight onto her right leg as she watches Amy comb through the files. Alicia's eyes meet her own and she looks away, suddenly feeling unsure of herself. "Anyways," Alicia continues as Amy flips through various crime scene photos, "of those men, Mandir is at the bottom of the list. He's only been recently introduced and I'm thinking this failed operation is going to scare him off."

"What do you mean?" Amy asks, confused. "Didn't he just get away?"

"If any of those three men find out he was almost caught, he's toast. My best bet is he's flying out to anywhere but here."

"So what you're saying is that we've lost him," Rosa cuts in, her voice grim as she takes the files from Amy's hands. Alicia nods, sighing.

"Our precinct has been tracking these guys for a few years now. We even had a few guys undercover in their operation," Alicia says as she takes the files from Rosa's hands and stuffs them back into the glove box of the car. "You've blown three years of hard work, Detectives. Good going."

"Easy," Rosa growls as she shifts her weight again with a wince. "We had no idea that he was going to be tied to other crime units."

"If you did your research you would've," Alicia replies with an arched brow, crossing her arms. "But as per usual, you rushed in head first."

Rosa grits her teeth, looking away. Alicia simply rolls her eyes and turns to Amy. "We'll meet later to discuss this. Right now, I can see Diaz is in a world of pain and won't admit it, so I'm sending you back to your precinct. Debrief with your captain and I'll get your contact later. Understood?"

"I don't take orders from you," Rosa mutters as she looks back up. "I'm--"

"A detective and _I'm_ a sergeant," Alicia backfires, standing straighter. "I may not be from your precinct but you have no right to disobey me."

"I can still find him," Rosa mutters as she tightens her arm around her waist. "Just give me a few hours--"

"To do what?" Alicia scoffs, looking Rosa up and down. "You're barely able to stand straight. Go home, Detective. Rest, and then we'll talk."

Alicia doesn't give them a chance to respond before she gets in her own car and shuts the door. Rosa and Amy watch as she turns the engine on and speeds off, leaving them both in the dust. Rosa sighs, though the action itself causes more pain than good. She turns to Amy, who doesn't look impressed either, and she sighs. "Alright," Rosa mumbles, "you're driving. We better go tell the captain what happened here today."

"Fine," Amy sighs as she fumbles in her pockets for the car keys. "But first we're making a stop at the hospital."

"But--"

"No buts," Amy says with a glare. "I want to make sure you're okay. Besides, you don't have a choice. I'm driving."

Rosa knows, as she watches Amy walk away with a shake of her head, that she can't win this one.

* * *

After a thorough review at the hospital, Rosa is given a sling for her arm and two weeks off active duty from work.

Amy is delighted with the news, because she knows that Rosa cannot disobey a direct order from a medical professional, but she's also furious that Rosa even managed to land herself in this position to begin with. The two of them make the painstaking process of explaining to McGintley that their first operation together failed, and drastically so. Without a doubt the man is furious, slamming his hand on the table and shouting at Rosa for being reckless and ignorant on approaching the man without backup. On any other day, Amy would love to gloat about being right, but the disappointed and frustrated look in Rosa's tired eyes is enough to make her feel that perhaps something else went wrong for her sister other than a criminal fleeing.

"You're suspended off of field work for _three_ weeks, Diaz. You're a desk jockey until you can get your shit together, understood?!" McGintley shouts as he kicks at the trashcan beside his desk. He paces a few steps before he takes a deep breath and looks to Rosa with a shake of his head. "I don't care about your past, I've never had an issue with it. You've always been a good detective, a nose to the ground, get the work done type of gal. But what you did today was absolutely embarrassing. Not only did you endanger the life of your fellow detective, but another precinct of cops. You should be ashamed of yourself, Diaz. This is not some war zone where you go storming in, guns blazing. This is a police operation, Detective. Respect that."

"Sir," Rosa says, her voice quivering a little, "I was just--"

"I don't care," McGintley sighs as he takes a seat, folding his hands on the paper work in front of him. "I got a heated call from the nine-six's captain and he's furious that you've botched their operation. You jumped the gun today, Diaz. I don't know what your motive was for intercepting him this early, but you didn't think it through. If you can't work as a team player, then I'll have no choice but to take your badge and gun. Consider this a warning."

"Is that a threat?" Amy winces as Rosa snarls the words out. "With all due respect, _sir_ , my arrest numbers are the highest in the precinct. I've brought in all of your high-level felons. I made one mistake today because I was eager to get a murdering meth-head off the streets. I almost had him, Captain."

"Yes, you _almost_ had him. But you didn't get him, did you?" McGintley says back, leaning back in his chair as he glares. "You're off duty, Diaz. Another word and I will suspend you. Now get the hell out of my office." Amy can see that Rosa wants to argue further, but she quickly reaches down and lightly grabs at her sister's uninjured arm. Rosa's glare stays stuck on McGintley for a few more moments before her eyes shift to Amy's stern gaze.

"Come on," Amy mutters as she tugs on Rosa's arm with a firmer grip. "Let's go. Now."

Rosa doesn't argue this time as Amy leads them both out of McGintley's office. She grabs Rosa's bag from her desk and slings it over her shoulder, ignoring the looks that Jake and Charles give them as they make their way out of the precinct and towards the elevator. Rosa remains silent the entire time they ride down, and even when they reach Amy's car, she doesn't say a word. Amy just shoves her into the car as gently as she can, given her injuries, and hops into the driver's seat. She pulls the car out of the garage and heads into traffic, her stare glued to the car ahead of her.

It takes a few minutes driving in silence before Rosa finally breaks it.

"He's right," Rosa mutters. "I did jump the gun."

Amy doesn't reply, too strung up to find an answer that wouldn't contain ire or snark. Instead, Rosa just sighs, "I risked your life because I thought that it would be the same as any operation I've ever lead when I served. But Captain's right; this isn't war. Things are different, and I can't do what I did today. If backup hadn't come and if Sergio had gotten to you…" Rosa trails off and Amy's chest shudders at desolation in her voice.

"You went on instinct," Amy suggests instead, but Rosa just scoffs. Amy frowns at the noise. "What?"

"Instinct? No, it wasn't even that. I was an idiot today. I… I think working this case with you was a mistake, Amy."

"What?" Amy snaps at the question, screeching the car to stop on the side of the road as she glares at Rosa in fury. "Are you saying it's _my_ fault?!"

"No," Rosa says, somehow unaffected by the anger in Amy's question. "I'm saying it was a mistake for _me_ to work with you. The entire time we were in that were warehouse I was preoccupied with your safety. I… I thought that if _I_ took on Sergio and you took the back, you'd be safer. So, I altered the entire plan around you having as little contact with the man as possible. If it were up to me, I wouldn't have even taken you to the warehouse. I wasn't thinking with my head, Amy. I was a captain of my own squad. I've made tough decisions and I've lead far riskier ops than this one, but somehow, I've never screwed them up. I… I've never been emotionally compromised before. I cared for my men like they were my brothers, but…"

"But I'm really your sister," Amy concludes with a soft sigh, "and you couldn't get that out of your head."

Rosa doesn't reply, not verbally at least. She simply nods her head, looking back down to her lap as she swallows thickly.

"I acted selfishly today," Rosa admits quietly, unable to make eye-contact, "and because I did, I put you and everyone else in danger."

Amy's frown slides off her face, because she wasn't expecting that. Rosa remains quiet beside her, fiddling with the zipper of her leather jacket with her good hand. They're both quiet for sometime before Rosa sniffles and says, "I didn't think about the entire situation, Amy. I didn't… I couldn't think. After what I did this morning and today at the warehouse… I… I think I've lost the right to say that I can protect you. Even if McGintley didn't suspend me, I don't think I'm ready to be working active cases. Not something like this anyways. I have things I need to sort out in my head before I can do that."

"Rosa," Amy murmurs as she reaches out and places her hand on Rosa's knee comfortingly. "No one expects you to be a hero. I especially don't. And what you did this morning… you had a bad dream and I woke you up without realizing the gravity of the situation. It was my fault too."

"I could have _killed_ you," Rosa states bluntly, looking out the window and away from Amy, ashamed. "I could have killed you and I wouldn't have realized it until you were dead. I… have trust issues. Safety issues. Abandonment issues. Probably PTSD, according to my last psych eval--but I don't trust shrinks." Amy's lips curl into a small, sad smile at the way that Rosa scoffs humourlessly at the last part, her eyes drifting down to her lap.

"You didn't kill me," Amy whispers, squeezing her sister's knee again. "And now I know not to wake you up. We both learned something today."

Rosa nods, still unable to make eye-contact and it breaks Amy's heart. She knows that Rosa's not trying to be closed off intentionally, but rather her coping mechanism is to simply remain detached from everyone around her. She knows, because that's a habit Rosa hasn't seemed to have broken since they'd last seen each other. Amy watches in silence as Rosa gathers herself, rebuilding those crumbling walls until she's able to look Amy in the eyes.

"We should go," Rosa says, choking back the emotion in her voice as she nods ahead. "I… I think we need to talk when we get back to yours."

Amy nods, knowing that there is no way for her to avoid this, nor does she want to. It's about time she got to know the new Rosa.

For better… or for worse.

* * * 

"So…," Amy trails off as she sets down two teacups at the dining table. "You wanted to talk?"

Rosa reaches out and wraps her hand around the base of her cup, her fingers sliding through the open ring and connecting again with her thumb and palm. The sensation of the warm cup soothes her nerves slightly, but not enough. She knows that she's not actually talked about anything related to her past to anyone, asides Gina. And the only thing the civilian administrator knows is that she didn't have the greatest of times serving in the military.

"I… I might not be good at this," Rosa prefaces as she looks up to Amy with a guilty expression. "I'm not good at… talking about emotions and stuff."

"I know," Amy whispers with an understanding smile. "Take your time, Rosa. You don't have to tell me everything. Just… enough for me to know how to help you or recognize that you need space. We've been apart a long time and people change. I can't be naive and believe we're the same people now that we were when were kids. You've obviously been through some stuff and I haven't been good at recognizing your tells when you're upset."

"You can't blame yourself," Rosa chuckles sadly as she looks down to the steaming tea. "I've not exactly been sharing about any of it."

"That's not your fault," Amy says, reaching out to place her hand on Rosa's own. "I need you to understand that, Rosie. I won't judge you, okay?"

"I know," Rosa replies with a half-hearted smile. "I just… I don't know if you will be able to look at me the same way once you know what I've done."

"You keep saying that," Amy responds, pulling her hand away with a slight frown. "But… what exactly have you done, Rosa?"

"I was a Navy SEAL, Amy, the most elite special operative ranking in the military. I think you can hazard a few guesses as to what I've done."

Amy is quiet for a moment and Rosa knows exactly what is going through her mind. She doesn't respond, because she knows she won't be able to answer the question that is plaguing her sister's mind until she hears it verbally leave her mouth. So she clutches her tea, swallows thickly, and waits.

And then, after a few minutes of tense silence, Amy looks up, meets Rosa's gaze, and asks the question she knows is the elephant in the room.

"Have you…," Amy stammers before pulling herself together with a deep breath. "Have you killed anyone?"

Rosa licks her lips, her grip on her cup tightening slightly as she nods slowly. She looks down, trying to ignore how the gasp that leaves Amy's lips feels like a bullet to the chest. She takes a few moments before she looks up and replies, "I've killed more than one person. I had to. It was… part of the job."

"Part of the job," Amy echoes, looking away as Rosa watches her digest the information before she glances back up. "Like… did you… _they had lives_."

"They did," Rosa acknowledges as she tenses her shoulders. "They had families, friends, parents, maybe even kids. And I took them away from that."

"And you're… okay with that?" Amy asks, treading lightly as she cautiously watches Rosa's expression. Rosa knows, when she looks to the mild disgust that festers within her sister's eyes, that even despite this being a supposed non-judgemental zone, that Amy found her past to be disturbing.

"I'm _not_ okay with it," Rosa replies, her voice tight as she releases the cup to instead place her hand on her own knee. "I'm not okay with the fact that they never told you what it feels like to watch the life leave someone's eyes, knowing that you pulled the trigger. I'm not okay with the screams of their brother or wife or sister or mother as they crumple to the ground, lifeless. I am not okay with feeling their blood on my hands, literally and figuratively."

"So how do you live with yourself?" Amy asks, her voice sharp but still trembling. Rosa can sense her fear and she sighs, closing her eyes.

She hears the screams, the shouts, the gunfire, the pain, the death…

 _El Diablo_ , she hears as she watches the faces of all the people she's killed flash before her eyes, _El Diablo_ , the conquerer of men.

"I have to," Rosa replies after awhile, opening her eyes and biting back tears. "I have to, because after what I've done, the least I can do is accept the fact that I have done things that in this state, under federal rules, would be considered murder. But out there… out there, it's considered survival."

Amy goes quiet at that, the tears in her eyes spilling over and down her cheeks. Rosa shakes her head, her gaze drifting down in shame.

"I live with the fact that I'm a murderer that's been praised as a war hero," Rosa says with a bitter scoff. "But there are no heroes in war, Amy. The truth is, I did what I had to do to keep myself and my men alive. I've saved more people than I've killed, and somehow that is supposed to pardon the fact that I've still taken the breath from someone's lungs. I've killed someone's son, brother, father, aunt, mother… the list goes on. I've killed children, Amy. Children who've known nothing but war, who have had bombs strapped to their chests and I've had to kill them to save my own men. And for what?"

"You… you killed…," Amy stumbles on the words, not even able to finish the question. Rosa nods, tears welling in her eyes.

"I had no other choice," Rosa croaks as she moves her hand from the glass to her own forehead. "I never wanted to… but if they came closer…"

"Rosa…," Amy trails off, sniffling as she looks away. Rosa can feel the waves of confusion of hurt rolling off of her, and she can't help but wonder if all of this talking was a mistake. Amy takes a minute to collect herself before continuing. "I just… how did you cope, coming back after that?"

Rosa's crying now as she holds her head in her hands and looks down. "For years after I came back, I just solved my problems by drinking and fucking strangers. I wouldn't sleep, because every goddamn time I do, I see all of their faces. I don't know any of them, but they're still stuck with me, reminding me of what I've done. Every time I close my eyes, I see the blood and the fighting and… and sometimes it's just too much for me to handle, Amy."

Rosa looks back up, taking a deep breath as she swallows back the pit burning in her throat and whispers, "sometimes… it _is_ too much to handle."

Amy's eyes flash with understanding and suddenly she's leaning forward. "Rosa," she says, her voice cracking, "surely you don't mean--"

"I tried it," Rosa admits, glancing away with shame. "When I first came home, life was too normal. It… it didn't feel real. It felt like I wasn't supposed to be here, that it was a lie. I spent seven years in the military. For most soldiers, that isn't much. But the things I did… the things I was made to do…"

Rosa can't even finish as she remembers some of the more grittier missions, the ones where she went undercover. 

"I couldn't live with myself for the first year after I got back," Rosa goes onto say, swallowing down the sadness as she looks up with a grim expression. "Some days I would just sit there for hours with the gun in my hand and I would think, all it would take is a matter of seconds for it all to end. That all of the pain, the suffering, the nightmares--it would all be over if I just had the courage to pull the trigger one last time. But… I couldn't."

"Rosa," Amy croaks as Rosa watches her cover her mouth with her hands. "You…"

"I killed a lot of people, Amy. Yes, the majority of them engaged in criminal activity and they were a threat to civilians and my own soldiers," Rosa says with a blunt, solemn tone. "But… what gives me the right to take their lives? I'm not God. I shouldn't get to decide who lives or dies. No one should." 

Amy doesn't have a response to the question, stunned into silence. Rosa simply sighs and looks back down to the tea, still steaming in her cup.

"My last mission was in North Korea," Rosa recounts slowly, her voice drawing deeper and more firm as she wills herself to relive the horrifying moments of her final time serving in the military. "My team and another brigade had just successfully liberated a detainment camp full of civilians that were being tortured and extorted. There were around a hundred of them: women, children, and the elderly. They were undernourished, sickly, injured, and they needed medical attention. We were driving back, taking the long road because I thought it would be safer and less occupied by rebel forces."

Rosa swallows again, shivering as she closes her eyes. "We were a few blocks out, one armoured truck in front, the civvies in the middle, and two in the back. I stayed in the rear with my team, with Olshansky on the mounted turret and Bernard at the wheel. I knew these guys since I first started out--hell, I met Bird and Langman when I was still in training. Two big, hefty dudes covered in tattoos. They used to pick on me, call me a runt, but once I showed them how committed I was to proving myself, they protected me like brothers. They stuck by me from start to finish." Rosa sighs nostalgically, her eyes misting as she remembers the men who became her form of support through the gruelling years spent fighting wars in different countries.

"My squad was Olshansky, Bird, Langman, Bernard, Rochester, Mullins, Evans, Fernandez, and McCreary. All of them, I knew from different stints at some point in time. They all respected me, knew my potential, and didn't question my leadership. McCreary was my second-in-command, a tough son of bitch, but a reliable one. He hated small talk and emotions, so we got along well," Rosa says, glancing back up at Amy. "But he had a daughter--Sophie. She was barely a week old by the time he'd flown out, and he had so many pictures of her. I think that's the only time I'd seen that man even crack a smile. He told me that it was his last tour, that his legs were tired and he wanted to spend time with his family, to live a normal life."

Rosa reaches into her pocket and grabs at her wallet before fishing out a small polaroid photo of herself and the squad before she slides it across the table to Amy. She watches as her sister looks at each of them, her eyes drifting to each man before narrowing in on herself in the middle.

"You look so… young," Amy breathes out as she glances up. Rosa chuckles sadly and nods.

"I was the youngest by far. Some of the guys had issues with that, but they never held onto it for long. Every mission I'd been on, I'd never lost a man. I earned their respect by proving to them that I would keep them safe if they followed my lead. None of them ever disobeyed me," Rosa says as she takes the photo back and looks at it with a mournful expression. "But I lied, because on that last mission, in North Korea, I didn't bring them home safe."

Rosa looks up, her lip tucked between her teeth as she grits out, "I killed them all."

* * * 

The words remain stilled in Amy's brain as she watches Rosa tuck the photo back into her wallet.

"We were just a few clicks from our main base of operations when we were ambushed," Rosa continues to say in a low voice. Amy's heart drops as Rosa takes a deep breath before whispering, "they lined our path with mines. The first one took out the truck at the start of the convoy, killing everyone inside but managed to leave the civilian trucks unharmed. Once the first explosion went off, the rebels came out of the woods surrounding us."

Rosa stops, and Amy can hear the hitch in her breath. "Rosa," she says quietly, "you don't have to do this."

"I do," Rosa says as she looks up, eyes stormy and dark with emotion. "I… I want to."

Amy just nods, leaning back and waiting patiently for Rosa to continue. 

"I ordered my squad to secure the civilians," Rosa says as she looks back down to the cup of tea. "I went with the other group of men to fight off the incoming rebels, but we were out in the open and on a potential minefield, so there was nothing we could do except hope that our shots would land. We managed to take down the remainder of the rebels, but not without casualties. Of the squad I went out with, only two came back alive."

Rosa pauses again and Amy watches as her throat bobs anxiously. She can see the conflict in Rosa's eyes, the raw turmoil simmering in those brown depths. She reaches out and slowly places her hand on Rosa's trembling one, giving it a light, shaky squeeze as Rosa looks up, vulnerable and scared.

"When we came back to the trucks, I saw a few soldiers standing around Bird. He was just still, standing there with this wide-eyed expression on his face. They all looked to me and that's when I glanced down and saw that his foot was on a mine, depressing it. He… just stood there and I saw him nod," Rosa chokes out as she stumbles through the rest of the brutal memory. "But before he could speak, a bullet carved through his stomach and he fell to his knees, still on the mine. I looked over his shoulder to see an envoy of soldiers headed in our direction and we had nowhere to go."

"How did you get out of there?" Amy asks, her voice hoarse as she squeezes Rosa's hand again. Rosa just shakes her head, scoffing bitterly.

"By doing what I was trained to do," Rosa bluntly states, her voice turning to lead as she looks up. "I was tasked to protect the civilians. We all were."

Amy doesn't like the sound of Rosa's tone, nor does she enjoy the harrowed expression in her eyes. But she holds on quietly, her gut wrenching in anticipation as Rosa gathers herself and sits up straight. Her eyes are blurred with tears, but still remain focused and steady, stoic and unwavering.

"War demands sacrifice," Rosa whispers, tears steadily dripping down her cheeks. "And that day… I made that sacrifice."

Amy's breath leaves her lungs in a quiet whistle as she looks to the ashen expression of her older sister, and she hates how she knows what is coming next. Rosa removes their hands and places her own on the table, her shoulders tensed and her jaw clenched as she recounts the last of the story.

"I didn't even have to give the order," Rosa explains as her lips quiver, "they all knew the stakes. When Langman knelt to help with Bird's injuries, Bird just put a hand on his arm and nodded, and then he looked at me and he saluted. I didn't have to give the order, and he understood. Langman stood in front of him with Rochester and Fernandez. McCreary, Mullins, and I went to load the civilians into one truck while Olshansky and the others jumped in the other truck to ride out and meet the other rebels. I laid down covering fire while the civilians were evacuated, trying to buy us some time."

Rosa shakes her head again, sniffling as she continues to say, "Olshansky was driving towards the rebels, with Evans firing on the turret. They were making a hit on their forces, but not enough to stop the spray from still hitting us. First to go down was Fernandez, and then Rochester. I radioed to Olshansky that it wasn't working, that we were taking hits, but he didn't come back. I… never ordered him to. I think he just knew what he had to do."

"Rosa…," Amy drifts off, aghast as the realization sinks deep within her gut. "You…"

"He hit the mine just two feet from their biggest truck," Rosa chuckles sadly, shaking her head. "Lit the entire convoy on fire and the force of the truck exploding hit other mines in the area, taking out a chunk of their brigade just as we finished loading the last civilian into the first truck, the one furthest away from Bird and the mine. It was out of the blast radius and that's when I knew we were in the clear. We did our jobs and we had to leave."

"So the others got out… right?" Amy asks, gulping as she notes the distant look in Rosa's eyes. "Mullins? McCreary?"

Rosa is quiet for a few moments before she shakes her head softly.

"One of their snipers got Langman in the chest," Rosa says, her voice dropping to a solemn tone. "He fell on Bird, and as a result, their bodies shifted off the mine. I… I don't remember anything but the flash and the explosion of the empty truck beside us. It threw me back and I caught my leg under some of the debris. It knocked me out for a few minutes, but then when I came to, Mullins was in front of me, trying to lift a metal beam from my knee."

Amy watches as Rosa's gaze flits down to her lap sadly. "When I looked down, it was a mess. There was… shrapnel everywhere. My chest, my arms, my legs. I couldn't feel anything on the leg that was trapped, and when I looked closer, I realized it was because it was barely hanging on below my knee."

Amy stays silent and unmoving as Rosa slowly stands, her legs trembling as she puts one leg up on the chair before reaching for the cuffs of her jeans. She rolls them up, just high enough past her sock for Amy to see the glint of metal peaking out of her left leg. A gasp leaves her lips as Rosa pulls up more of the cuff to reveal the prosthetic. Amy stares, her hands coming to cup her mouth to stifle another gasp as Rosa runs her hand over the metal.

"Mullins managed to get the beam off, but by the time he did, another explosion went off from a grenade that was chucked our way. He just… exploded, right in front of me. There was nothing left to him, nothing left to any of them when I rolled over. It was just body parts… everywhere. All I could smell was burning gasoline and the acrid scent of burning bodies. I glanced up and I saw McCreary leaning against a part of the overturned truck. He just looked at me and I… I'll never forget the harrowed expression in his eyes as he turned back to look at the unarmed civilian truck."

Amy can't breathe when Rosa sadly shakes her head and chuckles, tears welling in her eyes as she runs her thumb over the metal. "I'd never seen McCreary run so fast in his life. He came to me, he sat me up and he held my face in his hands and he asked me if I could still drive. I didn't even answer because he didn't need to; he was already tying a tourniquet around my thigh while the gunfire drew louder, closer, faster. Then, he hitched me up in a fireman's carry to the truck with the civvies. He threw open the door and shoved me aside, pushing me to the drivers seat before he ducked around the side and laid down some covering fire while I started up the car. I was waiting for him to join me so we could escape, but he never did."

Amy feels her stomach spin when Rosa rolls down the cuffs and hangs her head, a grim smile curling her trembling lips as she sits back down. She places her hand back down on her leg before she looks up, eyes puffy and red as she says, "he looked at me through the window and he told me to tell Sophie that he loved her, that her daddy wasn't coming home but that didn't mean that she wouldn't be alone. When I begged him to come with me, he just smiled, saluted, and told me that it was an honour serving under me, but that this was one order he wouldn't obey. And with that, he turned and he ran. I watched him go, guns blazing, until he hit the last mine that took out the remainder of the rebels' convoy with one final explosion."

Rosa smiles again, sniffling as she wipes her tears. "McCreary was like a father to me. He… he didn't talk much, but he was there when I needed him."

"Oh Rosa," Amy whispers, her heart breaking and further apart as she takes in the gravitas of all the people Rosa has lost since she'd stepped foot on the earth. Rosa just shakes her head, giving Amy another shaky smile as she replies, "it was because of them that none of those civilians lost their lives. I managed to drive to the border checkpoint when I passed out and one of the civvies ran to get help. But I didn't save those people, my men did."

"You drove them home," Amy encourages her, feeling distaste at the thought of Rosa thinking she was unimportant. "You saved them, Rosa."

"My men were the reason why," Rosa tells her adamantly, brows furrowed and chin jutted upwards. "They deserved the medal, not me."

"But you lead them," Amy tries to push, but she knows it's no use. "You inspired them to act selflessly."

"I _forced_ them to act selflessly," Rosa argues back, her voice trembling with frustration. "I let them die, Amy. I let them die so others could live. I made that decision. And the worst part? If I had to do it all over again, to be put back in that same position, I would make the same decision."

Amy stays quiet, unsure of what to respond as she looks to a defeated Rosa. The older woman looks like a shell of what she once was, of the girl that Amy looked up to and inspired to be like. She looks to Rosa now and she sees nothing but an unfathomable amount of pain, loneliness, and guilt. She wants to say something, something that would inspire Rosa to realize the greatness inside of her, something that would make her realize that the sacrifice she made was not in vain, but she knows that no words could ever relay that message and have an impact. The decision Rosa made to leave her nine men behind in order to save the lives of a hundred civilians was no doubt one that would leave a mark on her mind until the end of her days.

But Amy also knows, as she looks to the harrowing resoluteness in Rosa's empty gaze, that it was a decision any good leader would have made.

"Service demands sacrifice," Rosa tells her sadly as she takes a deep breath, "they sacrificed their lives, but the people we went to save stayed alive. Every single one of them survived because they laid down their lives. And after that… I couldn't go back. I wasn't ready, neither mentally nor physically. So… I handed in my resignation and they offered me an honourable discharge. But, there's nothing honourable about knowing you let your friends die."

Amy swallows thickly, ignoring the pit in her throat as Rosa rises, adjusting the sling on her shoulder before she looks over to her.

"I didn't want to make that same decision today," Rosa admits quietly as she nods down to Amy. "I… I couldn't lose you, so I put you out of harm's way as best as I could. Because if I ever had to be put in that situation and had to make the same decision I had to in Korea, I… I don't think I could, Ames."

Amy's lungs constrict at the desperation in Rosa's voice, the sickly pleading tone that it takes on. Rosa's eyes are welled with tears, and just when Amy didn't think that anymore could fall, one slides down her cheek and drips into her carpet, silent. And as Amy looks to her older sister, so broken and lonely, but still standing despite the reality she faces, she feels her heart swell. She stands from her seat and walks over, cupping Rosa's cheeks in her hands and uses her thumbs to slowly wipe away the trail of tears that still continue to fall. She offers Rosa a small, sad smile and pulls her close.

"I can't do that to you," Rosa whispers with a croak as they both fold into a hug. "I can't lose you and survive it. You're my home, Amy."

Amy just holds her tighter, hoping that she can communicate the same. She spreads her palms over Rosa's back, gently rubbing and soothing so she doesn't aggravate the sore ribs. She nuzzles into Rosa's uninjured shoulder and holds her closer, willing Rosa to understand that she's not leaving.

"We'll get through this," Amy promises, and she is resolute in this. "I swear that we will get through this, that you will be okay. I'm not leaving your side, Rosie. I'm with you." Rosa shivers and cries, clutching to her like a lifeline and Amy finds purpose in her grip. She wants Rosa to lean on her, to let her shoulder some of the burdens that weigh down on her mind. She wants Rosa to know that she has a home, one that will always be there to help her.

"I love you," Amy whispers, pressing a kiss to Rosa's hair, "and nothing you have ever done-- _or ever will do_ \--could ever change that."

* * *

The next few days in the precinct are long and dry.

Being off-duty and put on paperwork is boring, but Rosa could use a little boring right now. Amy takes a case with Jake and the two of them are out more often than they are in the precinct, doing some investigation into a car thief that only steals Pontiacs. But Amy still comes by every so often to bring her lunch to talk at her side chair about her day or the investigation, or sometimes to even sit in silence and simply be in each other's company.

Rosa likes it because it feels what normal is meant to feel like.

The nightmares still come sometimes, but when she wakes up in a cold sweat, she doesn't feel as overwhelmed as she used to. Sometimes, she finds herself dialling Amy's number and talking to her until she calms down. And even if Amy shows up with bags under her eyes and yawns a few more times than usual, she never complains. She just offers Rosa a smile and sits back down, strong and unwavering in her presence.

It's… nice.

And nice is something Rosa Diaz thinks she could definitely get used to.

"So… this is where you work now, huh Diaz?" 

Rosa blinks up from her computer screen, startled slightly at the voice. She looks up at the woman who'd questioned her and swallows.

"Alicia," she says tightly as she stands, "what are you doing here?"

"I'm supposed to be giving your captain an update on the Sergio situation, but I'm thinking I wouldn't mind a detour before getting down to business," Alicia flirts, sending a wink in her direction before sitting down at the side of her desk. "So… did your captain demote you to a desk jockey, Cap?"

"Don't call me that," Rosa mutters as she turns her attention back to the computer. "I'm not a captain anymore, Alicia."

"Alright, alright. Don't be a sour puss, Diaz. I was just kidding. No need to have your panties in a bunch. Besides, you've been unnecessarily broody towards me since we met yesterday. I mean, more broody than normal," Alicia jokes, leaning back in the chair. "What's wrong? Hit a dry spell?"

Rosa doesn't respond bare for gritting her teeth in frustration. She continues typing on her computer, ignoring Alicia's presence next to her. It's not that she doesn't want to engage with the other woman, it's just that the last time they'd seen each other Rosa had been in a mess with her feelings. The _'I love you'_ Alicia had parted with still rings in her mind. But as she looks to Alicia now, she finds herself feeling more confused than ever. 

"Look," Alicia says after awhile, her voice dropping to a more serious tone. "I'm sorry if I'm awkward, it's just… I didn't think I was going to see you again. Word got about what happened when you were in Korea and I… I was scared that you died." Rosa flinches, her shoulders tensing as she stops typing and glances to the other woman, noting the concern in Alicia's gaze. Rosa tries to figure out the words to say, but nothing comes to her.

"If you're worried that I'm here because I want to start something, you don't have to worry. I'm not interested in that," Alicia says softly, leaning forward in her desk as she looks around at the rest of the precinct before shyly gazing back over to her. "I'm just so relieved to see that you're okay."

"Who said I was?" Rosa asks, scoffing slightly. "Are you okay?"

"I wasn't at first," Alicia replies bluntly, leaning back in her chair and crossing her legs. "Took months of therapy and meds to get my shit sorted, but I'm okay now. I have my off-days, but I've worked through it. I joined an women's-only veteran support group. It's great to talk to other women about the shit we went through over there. It's helped a lot… and I would say that if you're not doing so hot, you should come and join. The girls are great, Rosa."

"I don't need to talk about anything," Rosa mutters, trying to distract herself from how a secret part of her is curious. "I'm fine."

"You don't look fine," Alicia says with a soft tone, glancing to where Rosa keeps fidgeting your leg. "Just come to one meeting. If you hate it, you can leave. There's one tonight, I can drive and we'll ditch if it isn't your thing. I'm pretty sure there's a great bar around here if you want to hit it up instead."

Rosa doesn't reply, deciding to keep her gaze glued to her computer screen instead. Sighing, Alicia reaches for Rosa's notepad and a pen and quickly scribbles something down before ripping off the note and placing it in front of Rosa. "It's my phone number," Alicia tells her, smiling. "If you want to come tonight, text me. If you don't want to come, but just want to hang, text me. I'm on my phone often, so I'm pretty reachable."

"Thanks," Rosa grumbles as Alicia stands up and stretches her back. Nodding, Alicia turns and faces the direction of the captain's office.

"I'm gonna go clean up our mess now," Alicia sighs as she adjusts the file in her hand before turning to give Rosa one last smile. "See you around, Diaz."

"Yeah," Rosa says, glancing up to give Alicia a half-hearted smile. "Bye, Rodriguez."

Alicia smiles at the nickname, a slight blush taking up her face as she shifts in place for a second. The reaction causes Rosa to smile harder, so Alicia  just nods once more before heading off to talk to Captain McGintley. When she's out of sight, Rosa glances down and looks at the paper with Alicia's familiar chicken scrawl written on it. The sight brings a warmth to Rosa that she's not felt in awhile, so she picks up the paper before looking around to see if anyone was glancing in her direction. When she notes the coast to be clear, she folds the paper and stuffs it into her jeans pocket before carrying on with her desk work. Rosa tries to ignore how it's burning in her pocket, and instead she focuses on filing the report for one of her previous felons.

"You should call her."

Rosa startles as she looks beside her to see Gina sitting in the same seat that Alicia was previously occupying.

"Gina," Rosa breathes out, still somewhat on edge. "What the hell? You could have given me a heart attack!"

"The great Rosa Diaz, dying by a small startle? What a headline," Gina snarks as she smirks in her direction. "But seriously," she says as she glances down to Rosa's pant leg. "You should call her. Maybe all you need to clear your head is a bootie call. That girl seemed nice, had a good pair of tit--"

"I'm not interested in girls," Rosa instantly replies, her face flushing. "I'm straight."

Gina scoffs, pointing over her shoulder with her thumb. "Yeah, okay. And I'm thinking that Charles Boyle is gonna be my future baby daddy."

Rosa gags at the thought before glancing to Gina with a puzzled expression. "Gina, gross, what the hell?"

"I'm just coming up with the most absurd lie that I can. Rosa, I've seen you check out Sharon's ass on _multiple_ occasions."

"That's The Sarge's wife," Rosa hisses in a low voice as she grabs at Gina's arm tightly. "You can't say that kinda shit."

"Hmm, but you didn't deny that you've checked out her ass. That woman's _thick_ and she knows it."

"Gina," Rosa grumbles with a well-deserved eye-roll. "I like men--"

" _And_ women," Gina finishes with a small clap. "Bitch, variety is the spice of life. I got you."

"Gina."

"Fine, fine. But I am curious why you took the number if you are as _straight_ as you claim to be," Gina presses on, leaning back in her chair.

"She's an old friend," Rosa explains as she glances over to Captain McGintley's office window. "We served together for around three years. She was my second-in-command for a few operations and we were close. As the only two women in our unit, we related about a lot of things the guys didn't."

"Mhmm yeah see that doesn't sound gay at _all_."

"Gina, focus!" Rosa mutters, shaking her head. "We weren't 'together' together--"

"Rosa, babe, you're making it much worse now. Next thing you're gonna tell me you're gal pals or some shit."

"We were just _friends_ ," Rosa says as gives Gina a serious look. "Now, do you want to know why she gave me her number or not?"

"Sure, why not. I don't have anything interesting going on in my life," Gina drawls nonchalantly, giving Rosa a teasing smirk. "Now spill, Ellen."

Rosa ignores the quip with another eye-roll before saying, "she came up to me and told me there's a women's veterans group thing that she goes to. Says she wanted me to join her, to see if it might help with some of my… issues." At this, Gina's playful expression turns into an understanding one.

"You should go," Gina says seriously, without an ounce of sarcasm. "This kinda stuff would be perfect for you." Rosa arches her brow, unsure.

Gina sighs before she drawls out, "besides, I'm sure you'll find a bunch of other different _robot-Rosa's_ who hate feelings and dress like vampires everyday. Could be beneficial to be with your own kind. I mean, bats do travel in packs, or pods, or whatever their group thing is called."

"They're called bat colonies," Rosa chuckles as she watches Gina nod in agreement. "And I told you, I'm not a bat. I'm a lone wolf."

"Bitch, no. _I'm_ a wolf. I literally had my psychic tell me that last week at my tarot card reading."

"Gina, that shit is a scam and you know it," Rosa sighs, rolling her eyes before she frowns. "Or, at least I hope you know that."

"You're saying that because you're a scorpio," Gina argues, shaking her head. Rosa just rolls her eyes again, but she can't help but smile.

"I'm not a scorpio. None of you know my birthday and you never will."

"Anyways," Gina drawls, "you should go to that meeting Rosa. Getting out of your bat cave for a few hours would do you some good."

"I don't know," Rosa mumbles as taps her fingers on the desk anxiously. "Me sitting around in a circle with a bunch of other women? Sharing feelings? I don't think I'm into it, really. I think that I'm better 'venting my feelings' with something that involves destruction and gratuitous violence."

"Dark. That's sexy," Gina says with an appreciative nod. "But while I _could_ get behind that, I still think that you should go to this meeting."

"Why?" Rosa asks, stopping her tapping so she can give Gina a serious look. "And why do you care so much about this, anyways?"

"Because you're my friend and I care about you," Gina replies bluntly. "And besides, all these other bozos are too scared to talk to you ever since you set that printer on fire last month. Oh and when you almost broke Scully's nose when he told you he liked your jacket. Oh wait, and that other time--"

"Gina," Rosa sighs as she shakes her head, "I get it."

Gina just shrugs nonchalantly. "You got some anger issues girl, but I respect you." Rosa smiles and looks down, chuckling to herself.

"But also," Gina says as she draws Rosa's attention back up, "I think you should go because I think that you're a good person in a tough spot. You're someone that's probably used to blasting tanks and jumping out of helicopters or some shit. Doing boring police work is probably like going cold turkey for you. Cops are cool and what not, but most of our crimes involve low-level stuff, like public intoxication or, I don't know, stealing a bunch of Pontiacs. Like how does that last one warrant a nickname? 'The Pontiac Bandit'? I mean what was Jake thinking with that one? Who even raised him…"

"Yeah," Rosa says as she looks to where Jake and Amy are engaged in a vibrant discussion about their case, "it is kinda dumb."

"Real dumb," Gina echoes.

"Alright," Rosa sighs as she fishes the folded paper from her pants before glancing up to Alicia still sitting in the captain's office. "I'll call her."

"Good," Gina replies, standing with a smile. "Now I better get back to my desk. I've got scheduling to not-do. Enjoy your therapy date!"

"It's not a date," Rosa calls after her as Gina walks away, but Gina just ignores her. Rosa sighs and rolls her eyes, shoving the paper back into her pants. She gets back to her computer work, finishing up the last of her report before submitting it for processing. She looks to the clock, noticing that her shift is almost up. Rosa saves her files, powers down her computer, and then locks her usual belongings in her desk before standing up and stretching.

As she's grabbing her things and getting ready to leave, Rosa hears Alicia's voice from where she's standing in the captain's doorway.

"Alright, Captain. Thank you for your time and I'll keep in touch," Alicia says politely before closing the door and heading for the exit. She gives Rosa a warm smile as she walks by. Even though it's been years since they were last together, a spark of a feeling still ignites in Rosa's chest at the sight. She's about to leave and follow when her phone buzzes. She frowns, noticing a text from Gina. Rosa opens it and looks at the message, her face deadpan.

 **Linetti Set Go [10:32pm]:**  ur gay's showing, gurl ;) [two women holding hands emoji] [heart-eyes emoji] [droplets emoji] [peach emoji].

Rosa rolls her eyes, but she can't help but chuckle to herself as she looks over to Gina in exasperation, but Gina just ignores her.

"Really?" Rosa asks, shaking her head. Again, her phone buzzes so Rosa looks down so she can read the text.

 **Linetti Set Go [10:33pm]:** bitch u know i had to! now go get some therapy, boo [thumbs-up emoji] [bat emoji] [crying emoji] [dark moon emoji].

Rosa doesn't even feel annoyed as she types back, a happy smile spreading on her face as finally, she feels light for the first time in a long time.

 **Diaz [10:33pm]:**  I'm telling you I'm a wolf, not a bat.

 **Linetti Set Go [10:34pm]:** ur a bat and i'll find ur cave one day, u vampire heathen [bat emoji] [vampire emoji] [detective emoji] [unimpressed emoji].

 **Linetti Set Go [10:34pm]:** also totes noticed u didn't clap back on the gay quip. point proven [checkmark emoji] [salsa-dancing emoji].

 **Linetti Set Go [10:34pm]:**  side note: i'm changing ur contact name to 'the bi bitch' in my phone [winking emoji] [smirking emoji].

"Night Gina," Rosa says in a nonchalant tone, smirking as she dangles her phone, "I'm leaving now."

But before she can put the phone away, it buzzes one more time.

 **Linetti Set Go [10:35pm]:**  don't forget to wrap before u tap [winking emoji] [kissing-face emoji] [peace-sign emoji].

Gina smiles from her desk and sends her a wink. Rosa just sighs and grabs her keys before heading for the elevator to where Alicia is still waiting.

"Hey," Rosa says as she comes to stand next to the other woman. Alicia turns her head and smiles, shifting on her feet slightly.

"Hey," Alicia responds with curt nod, looking to the backpack slung around Rosa's good shoulder. "Heading home for the day?"

"Actually," Rosa says as she reaches into her pocket and fishes out the folded paper. "I was thinking of going somewhere else."

Alicia looks down to the paper and then up to Rosa's earnest expression and smiles harder, pulling a small blush from Rosa.

"So… your car or mine?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyways I ship Dianetti so hard but also Diadriguez (? -- idk because Alicia has no real last name as of yet in the show so I'm going with Rodriguez) just as hard. My poor gay heart can't hand it no more. This will still probs be Dianetti endgame because Gina is in love with Rosa and no one can convince me otherwise. 
> 
> Also, Rosa was wearing socks the night she spent the bed, so Amy never saw her prosthetic and Rosa slept with it on (which is not recommended) because she was scared of Amy seeing it and freaking out.
> 
> Also (again) the reason why Rosa is El Diablo and not La Diabla is because La Diabla translates to she-devil and I like the idea of Rosa keeping the masculine version of the name for some reason, so yeah.
> 
> Thanks for reading again!! And don't stop those comments, I love y'alls thoughts :D


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